the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: seanmcgrath

As I was riding the bus this morning, lost in thought, I suddenly remembered a picture I had seen once called Snake Eyes (with Nicolas Cage); it’s the oft-told story of a corrupt cop who has a change of heart once he becomes entangled in a conspiracy to commit murder.

I was reminded that, at the end of the film, Cage’s character’s life into ruin despite the fact that he had chosen to do the right thing.

The correlation I made to my own spiritual journey through life was that, more often than not, when we change even a little bit of ourselves our lives usually will look like a mess to us and to everyone around us.

It’s virtually impossible to keep your reality the same while changing yourself. I have made hundreds of futile attempts to do so. All of them have been in vain. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reach for new possibilities and hold on to what we have for dear life.

So what can we do?

Surrender.

I define surrender as remaining present with your feelings and emotions in the present.  Right where you are now.  It is a process, not a destination.  It’s allowing what going on inside you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to okay without the need to judge whether your feelings, thoughts, actions are socially appropriate to others.

Is this easy?  Of course not.  Surrendering to the present isn’t easy at all.  Each and every day I choose to work on it.  I never surrender perfectly (if such a thing is possible).  And that isn’t important anyway.

What is important is allowing yourself to feel what you feel in the moment regardless of whether or not you, or others around you, like it.

Once you are able to be where you are when you are, you open yourself up to becoming more mindful; with mindfulness comes the ability to let go of things that no longer work, and move forwards towards things that are good for you.

Here are a few tips for surrendering to the now:

1). Get out in to nature. Being able to opt-out of your current reality for even a few minutes a day could help you de-stress enough to think more clearly.

2). Have fun. Every once in a while, step off the treadmill that is reality, and have some fun.  See a funny film.  Have a giggle with friends.  Do something you enjoy for at least ten minutes a day.

3). Be with people you love. If you are going to spend eight hours plus a day with people you really have no connection with, it’s important to balance that with time spent with people you do have a connection with.

4). Don’t take reality or yourself so seriously. This is a difficult one to do consistently.  I admit that I have challenges with this.  Sometimes I am just too angry or hurt to laugh.  Or sometimes I find myself buying into the illusion that I am a helpless victim of life, and must accept what little I get and be grateful for it.  Such perceptions can be grim indeed.  But remembering that nothing is permanent in this world keeps me from sinking into a morass of self-pity.

With the suggestions above, I can go with the flow more.  Be open.  And allow the Creative Force and time to work with me and for me.  Instead of against me.  I have the freedom to surrender, knowing that tomorrow brings with it the opportunity for new choices, new possibilities that did not exist before.  That is something that both and inspires and motivates me to keep trudging forward even when things appear bleak or scary.

How about you?

What changes have you resisted?  And what occurred when you allowed yourself to surrender and “go with the flow?” How do your reality change afterward?

Feel free to share your insights.

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

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Before you embark on any path ask the question,
does this path have a heart?
If the answer is no,
you will know it
and then you must choose another path.
The trouble is that nobody asks the question.
And when a wo/man finally realizes that
s/he has taken a path without a heart
the path is ready to kill him/her.

~ Carlos Castaneda ~

The Path Without Heart

I have traveled the path without a heart often.  I noticed that to walk such a path has steep consequences for me.  Usually somatic illness such as nasty rashes, embarrassing digestive dis-orders, and annoying moments of fatigue.

The first time I did this was when I was about eighteen.  Then, I was in the habit of requiring love and approval from people who did not care to give it.  Or if they did, they did not know how.  In this habit, I took a job working in a grocery.  Every day I would come home smelling of fish or red meat.  And my hands would be dry and cracked.  I did this job for the small wages that it would provide me.  And small they were.

I don’t remember having any real reason for getting this job other than the fact that it was what I was supposed to do.  I had been brainwashed conditioned to believe by my family, teachers, and friends that the road to happiness was paved with little gold nuggets called safety and security.

If I did the right things followed the rules than I would be assured a happy life.  These rules included: getting a good job (so I could accrue credit card debt buying things that the media told me was essential to life), getting married, buying a house, and marching in lock step with other worker bees and drones to greater positions of responsibility, have kids along the way, retire,  teach my kids to do the same, and die (where I would enjoy an eternity of safety and security in the Heaven of my choice based my religious affiliation).

Sounds perfectly lovely, doesn’t it?

The Illusion Of Safety

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.

~ Helen Keller ~

I am almost fell for the illusion of safety the above plan promised.  However, I happen to know perfectly lovely people who have worked their fingers to the bone for ten, fifteen, twenty or more years with nothing to show for it except some soul-draining memories and a lingering patina of bitterness/regret.

This could have been me.

And it could just as easily be you, fellow travelers.

The illusion of safety is paved with the words, ‘not yet’ and ‘ someday.’  These words can be dangerous to your hopes, dreams, passions, and your very soul.  It allows the believer to appear to be moving while standing still.  It feeds the delusion false belief that when you have more money, more courage, or when there is less risk or effort involved, you just might take that scary next step.

Such moments never dawn, fellow travelers.  Instead what happens is the future becomes the present with stunning regularity.  And nothing has changed.  Remember that cool business idea you had?  That blog you were always going to start?  That dream of going back to school to move into a new field you longed for?  Well, they are faint whispers your spirit whispers only rarely or not at all now.  You remember those bold plans/goals?  Remember?

Today, I have decided that is not going to me.  It may have been my grandparents, my mum, my brother and sister.  But it does not have to be me.

Each and every day I work towards my goal.  Slowly by slowly sometimes.  But I am workin’.  For example, I am getting a California driver’s license so I can get a car and offer out call to some of my clients.  Also, I am looking for a treatment room. And, I’m gathering all the documents, applications, etc. necessary to become a state-certified bodyworker/massage therapist.  I am even looking into an Advanced Master programme at my old school so I can update my skills.

Even if I take only one action a day, I am still getting closer and closer to my dream: to have my own healing/teaching practice full time.  In three years, my own alternative healing studio/centre.

Working With Spirit

I guard against that nasty little voice that preaches safety and security at all costs by asking my spirit what it desires to focus on each morning.

The benefit of this personal practice is that it takes my focus out of my head and puts it into my heart where it belongs.  No dream has ever been manifested by a logical person.

As the Castaneda quote says at the beginning of this post, the path has already killed her/him..long before they have a chance to taste the freedom, the passion, the sheer joy of birthing a grand vision.

So I invite you,  my fellow travelers to choose the path with heart by asking, Does this path have heart?  If the answer is yes, proceed with joyful abandon.  If the answer is no, choose a path with heart.  Your heart will always know the answer to the question, never fear.

See you on the Flippy flop!

Peace & Healing All

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photo credit: papalars

I have always done my best to think positively.  I bought books on positive thinking, said affirmations to myself, studied the law of attraction by watching such films as the Secret, and on and on.

While these steps did do some good, I find myself confused as to why they don’t seem to work for me now.  What changed?

Positive thinking in and of its’ self is a good thing.  Especially if the alternative is to dwell too much on the negative.

But are these our only two alternatives?

What if they don’t work?

So I did my best to think positive thoughts, and bad things still happened.  And what did I do?  I blamed myself.  Because as Jack Canfield (of Chicken Soup For the Soul fame) says, if it doesn’t work for you all the time, you must be doing something wrong.

You see, my fault.

However, when I thought negatively that did not work either.  I was depressed, alone, and lonely most of the time.

Now what?

What if I did not have to choose between one or the other?

Sideways: this reminds me of the quote: if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

I never thought there might be another option until I read the book, Sacred Choices by Christel Nani, a former emergency room trauma nurse turned medical intuitive.  In her book, she states that it never occurs to any of us that there might be more choices available than we realise.

What if you are allergic to lemons?  Or just don’t like lemonade?  What options are available to you then?

Christel Nani comes up with another option.  Why not give the lemons away and go buy chocolate (or whatever you really want) instead?

What a novel concept!

We have all been conditioned to believe that we have a finite amount of choices.  If what we want is not on the menu, we should get something pretty close to what we want.  We should compromise.  That way we can be assured of getting something instead of a big fat nothing.

When we buy a car, we can have any colour we like as long as it from the list of colours the car model is manufactured in.

Lateral thinking.

Ever heard of it?

It is often used in the puzzle about the car accident victim who is taken to a hospital in which the policy is the doctor cannot work on his/her own relatives.  And the doctor says, ‘ I can’t work on this young man, he is my son.’ Why can’t the doctor work on the victim?

Answer: the doctor is the victim’s mother.

Most people know the answer now.  But forty or so years ago, the answer would have frozen many a brain.

Step outside of the conventional patterns of thought and behaviour for solutions.

Instead of allowing the limited list of options to keep you stuck or lead you into situations you’d rather avoid,  is it not a better idea to practice both/and thinking.

Like so:

I want to relax.  I want to hang out with my friends.

Instead of staying home to relax or hang out with your friends.  As in the either/or way of processing.

Why not relax with your friends.  In fact, you could invite them over for a relaxing night of take away pizza and movies.  Or a relaxing night out at a laid back corner bistro with dinner and great conversation.

See?

You really don’t have to create mental prisons that limit you as long as you are willing to use a bit more of your imagination.

And examine your belief system (gently and compassionately).

The next time you feel stuck by a dungeon/thought prison, open your mind to the concept of casting your choice net wide, and sitting in the driver’s seat of your life.

Okay.  Time to come down off of the soap box.

Peace & Healing All

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