the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: wakalani

Every once in a while the Universe throws you a curve ball in answer to a question or the internal shout for help.  In my case, it was seeing an Avon commercial on telly in the midnight hours between fitful sleep and wakefulness.  (Go here to read about that).  This was after I expressed my desire to make more money to build my holistic private practice.

Last year I took a guitar lesson from a very nice fellow named Buzz.  He taught me a few chord based soloing techniques in our half hour together.  For a month of lessons, it would have cost me $150.  Which is not over-expensive; however, I had other adventures going on at the time that required my money at that time, so I had to let go of my desire to become a better guitarist for another time.

Enter Blues Guitar Unleashed

Well, that time came on January 10.  I was on my Yahoo! page when I noticed that Jimi Hendrix’s estate had released a new album of his material (Valleys of Neptune).  I clicked to read the news story about it when my eyes caught a link that said you can solo with just four notes!  Preposterous!  Poppycock!  And gobbledygook besides!

I was curious enough to go to the site.  I was introduced to Blues Guitar Unleashed and it’s creator, Griff Hamlin.  The story goes that he created this course with support from his students who felt that they had received such a great benefit from the course and so should others.

When I read this on the course’s sales page, I thought, I am others.  So I purchased the course (about $130), and I have been plugging away with it ever since.

Now most people define personal growth as akin to spiritual shifts.  But I define personal growth as any attitude, belief, and/or action that creates significant and powerful changes in my life; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

What this course has done for me?

1. I realised that while I am not the guitarist I want to be yet; I am not the worst guitarist in the world (as my mini-me would have me believe).
2. I am uninterested in perfection as a goal. I find trying to be perfect as frustrating as trying to count all the grains of sand on a beach.  Not to mention, being a waste of perfectly good time which I could spend doing worthwhile things like writing songs, writing for my blog, or promoting my Avon business.
3. There’s a reason why they call guitar practice a practice. It means we are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them.  If we were meant to play guitar, sing, dance, write, or live perfectly; it would be called guitar perfect, sing perfect, or writing perfect.
4. I am a success each and every day I turn up and play guitar. Whether I play well or badly, I turn up and see what happens.  And believe me, there are days when my fingers behave as if they are alien to my body.
5. Even when you love something, sometimes it just feels uncomfortable to change and grow. I love playing guitar!  I love learning new comping techniques, chords, new ways of seeing.  However, I do not like  the road nor the view from here to there.  Because that is some of the most discomforting experiences of my life.  An example, when I was learning to read music, I just could not understand how individual chords fit together.  It was rather like reading German without understanding German at all.  Eventually, I rode out the discomfort, and viola, I suddenly understood how chord progressions fit together.  After that I was able to write some songs!  The discomfort was hell!  But the result made it worth it.  Change is sometimes uncomfortable is the point.
   

Now I mention this because I have always wanted to be a better guitarist, but my inner critic wouldn’t allow it.  I had to play as well as Jimi Hendrix (I am a fan!) or I wouldn’t be allowed to play at all.

What sort of reasoning is this?  I asked myself.  How can I expect to be a better guitar player if I never allow myself the joy of mucking it up and starting again.  And mucking it up some more.  Learning some more.  And starting again!

Answer:  I can’t learn anything if I am not allowed to practice.  And practice badly sometimes.

This is how everyone grows!

Engaging the Heart

Part of the growing process for me is opening the doorways and windows of perception so I can see in new and clearer ways.  After all,  I wasn’t going to become a better guitar player as long as I held the attitude that I was just plain bad!  With that belief in operation, I couldn’t get myself to pick up a guitar without my mini-me sneering, ‘Well, you’re never going to get anywhere!  Remember the last time when….’  Such disheartening words always flattened my spirit and disengaged my heart.

As  long as my logic was the only one allowed in the creative sandbox, there was no creativity present.  Just feelings of resentment and longing that depressed me horribly.  Why do this to myself?  Why do this to yourself?

You Are Now Entering the Discomfort Zone

The best way to solve the problem was to forget about any goals of perfection.  And focus on what you can do today to be a master of conscious creation.  Today is where success is defined.  Not tomorrow!

Each and every action you take action  in the direction of  your life vision is a moment, an hour or a day that you can call yourself successful instead of waiting for that magickal day when all your cats, ducks, or what eggs queue up in a row.  Or in a basket.  Or whatever container or lack of container you would prefer to visualise.

It’s a challenge to be imperfect and turn up anyway. Whether it is to a job you love, or learning to scuba dive; you will enter the discomfort zone.  That horrible liminal period where you feel you can’t do anything right and you flop about like a mud-skipper without the mud.  And all of your attempts to get back to that safe, warm, and secure place you once knew will be thwarted by Universal forces who might have a nasty sense of humour.  That’s okay.

The point is:  I don’t expect to do things perfectly anymore.  And neither should you.  Expect to do well.  But no longer do you need to fear that extreme standards for perfection are called for in your quest to become more of the person you intend to be.  I can allow myself to appreciate the small victories scattered like gold coins on the yellow brick road we call personal growth.  Can you?

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

It’s easier to engage your heart if you allow it to speak to you every once in a while.  Logic isn’t always the best way to live your life.  Neither is avoiding discomfort.

Let’s be honest.  How many of us don’t follow our passions, do what we love because we fear discomfort for even a small period of time?  I do.  Maybe you do as well?

Living in the discomfort zone on occasion can bring great rewards.  If you’re going to follow the yellow brick road of doing what you love, periods of chaos, and mucky icky feelings will be companions.  As I have already stated: sometimes change doesn’t always feel good.  Go on anyway.  Let your heart lead this time.

As I follow the yellow brick road to becoming a better guitar player, I listen to my heart more and my head less.  After all, my head is what got me into the frustrating morass of creative constipation in the first place.

Notes from the Discomfort Zone

Learn that the best way to heal creative constipation or learn any new skill  is to do something creative.   Anything creative. Begin it, feel all the icky sticky feelings that come along for the ride. And do it badly, goodly, or in-betweenly.  But give yourself the opportunity to start.  Perfection unnecessary.  Resistance optional. Turning up a big fat yes!

So here’s the question for you: where in your life can you live in your discomfort zone?  What would be the benefits if you did?

That’s all for today.  Sorry,  no clever jokes!

Peace & Healing,

Vibelicious comments:  Be excellent to each other.

Rude, mean comments will be deleted without exception.

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

One of the themes that repeatedly comes up in my life these days, or more honestly, these years is the concept of giving my power away.  Instead of focussing on my intentions, I allow my attention to be pulled away by all the excuses reasons why I can’t succeed.  Now these reasons seem perfectly logical to me; as your reasons for not goingafter what you want are to you.

Typically, there are several places where most people tend to give their power away.

Relationships

For example, let’s say you are looking to find the love of your life.  However, you have certain prerequisites you feel you must do before true love can be yours.  You might decide that you need to lose ten pounds so that you are attractive enough to deserve your beloved’s love.  Or you may decide that you absolutely must have a certain amount of money in the bank so that you’re worthy of receiving love.

These reasons, these prerequisites, are not written in stone anywhere on plant earth.  And yet we all like to pretend that they are.  Take a look around at your reality, and you will see heavy-set people who are happily married or in a relationship.  Look some more and you will see that there are people who don’t have x amount of dollars in the bank who have loving relationships.

What’s the real reason for the prerequisite (which are actually just excuses not to act)?

Fear.  Our old frenemy.

What are we all waiting for?

We are waiting for the day when we have a surplus of courage, time, and the appropriate circumstances to move forward.  In short, we are waiting for the stars to align and the Universe itsself to ordain our dreams, visions, and goals as worthy.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Because we sometimes labour under the delusion that our dreams, visions, and goals are small and silly in comparison to the problems the world is facing.  But here is the caveat:  the world is always facing problems! It had problems in the past, does so now, and will continue to do so in the future.  If we are waiting for the moment when the world is calm and peaceful to go after what we want, then we will be waiting a long time.  And I, quite frankly, do not intend to wait that long!

Guess what?

The world’s problems are not your fault. And will not change just because you, or me, or the guy in the purple socks who stands on the corner talking to pidgeons, decides not to opt-in for happiness in this moment.  Now I’m not advocating blantant sybaritism (people who party like it’s the end of the world without considering the consequences), or consumerism.  I am advocating happiness right now.

How many of us could use some more happiness?

Work/Career

How many of us choose to stay in jobs or careers that we either hate or are bored of? We do it because our logic tells us that we need this job to make money, pay our bills, and buy things we really want.  I’m not against jobs per se.  What I am not for is taking a job that makes you sick and/or tired.  Literally.  And I’m especially not for doing it until I retire (and then after that, I have to eat cat food and peanut butter whilest cradling any feelings of regret about the chances and choices I could have made in the direction of my dreams.)

Not worth it.  Life is a grand adventure.  Every moment is an opportunity to make a wise choice in favour of our vision.

Social Life

Let’s say for example that you desire an active social life in which you go out at least twice a week (or eight times per month).  Instead of flowing your energy in this direction, you choose to cling to old, disempowering relationships with people whom you’ve been mates with for years.  You have not been close to these people in years yet you feel the need to hang about with these people, making conversation about subjects and issues that bore you practically to death (figuratively speaking).

Whilst it’s not easy to step out into new territory or be alone for a period of time; sometimes we forget that it’s not kind to pretend that we are more emotionally invested in a relationship than we really are.  And it’s uncomfortable to meet new people or be alone; so much so that most people will go to great lengths to avoid either circumstance.

Remember that as human we are all entitled to experience happiness in whatever ways allow us to be our best selves.  The good of all is best served by everyone creating the selves and the lives that bring out our best selves/spirits.

Is this easy?  No, it’s not.  But the effort made is ultimately worth it.

So, to here are some ways to help you take your power back.

6 Ways to Take Your Power Back

1. Stop making excuses. It’s your life.  You make the rules, set the curriculum, and make the decisions.  If you have a job that is unfulfilling, it’s because you have made the choice to be in such a job.  Now you can make a different choice and leave.  Now.
2. Be more mindful of your thoughts. What are you telling yourself?  Most of us have stories we have been telling ourselves since childhood.  Most of these stories are fear-based stories that put us in the uncomfortable position of helpless victim of fate to whom life happens.  Time to change the channel, and get a new story where you are the resourceful hero in charge of your own destiny.  Pay attention to what you think.  Don’t judge it or criticise it.  Just notice what your mind is doing, and you will have a good representation of the building blocks you are using to create your world.
3. Shift your consciousness. It’s time to claim the power that is rightfully yours.  The power to decide how you life is going to look, and how you are going to feel about it.  Only you can shift your perspective enough to cause a shift in your perceptions.  Let me introduce your mind to this thought:  It’s okay for you to choose your happiness whilst others are unhappy. Let them live their lives, and you live yours.  Besides, there is nothing you can do about the happiness of others anyway so why even put your energy there.
   
4. Spend time with empowering people. Just because someone shares a bloodline or oxygen supply with you doesn’t entitle them to rip you to shreds emotionally and verbally.  You want to be around like-minded people instead of giving your energy to disempowering relationships.    Release the need to win the approval and permission of others to live your best life and be your best self.  They might not ever give you either, and life is dark, joyless, and painful without passion and joy in life.  Underline this in your mind:  you might have to let go of those who aren’t interested in being supportive. Doesn’t mean you or they are bad people.  You’ve just grown apart is all.
   
5. Feed your energy into your desires. If you want to start your own business, go network with other business owners.  Read books and blogs on enterpreneurships/isms.  Find a role model and/or mentor who has done what you intend to do, and get tips on how to succeed.  This is just one example, but the same ideas still apply if you chose to be a writer, actress, or musician.
   
6. Work through your resistance (s). Resistance can take many forms.  It can come in the form of your friends, family, and colleagues at work calling you crazy when you tell them of your visionline (yep, just made up a word) to move to a small beach town in Mexico and start your own adventure company.  Or they giggle behind their hands and roll their eyes when you confide to them that you are seriously considering leaving your decent job with the good benefits to go on the road with your acoustic guitar as a full-time touring musician.   So what?  You don’t need anyone’s permission to be who you are.  Or to want what you want.  Just take small steps each day (nothing too overwhelming) in the direction of your self-ordained destiny.  Let the rest of the world catch up with you if it wants to.

After all, it’s easier to beg for forgiveness later than it is to painfully ask for permission now.  As I’ve stated already, no one can give you permission.  No matter now much they may believe, hope, or wish that they have the power to do so.

Now I give the spotlight back to you.  In which area of your life are you most likely to give your power/energy away to an excuse and/or person.  Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Peace, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

• How to Create a 7 Principles to Live By List
• How to Create Your Own Rules
• Letting Go of Mr./Ms. Perfect Person
• Get Curious About You
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year

I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving (I’m English); however, I appreciate the sentiment behind the holiday.

This isn’t going to be a long article. I simply wanted to give thanks for all of the good I’ve enjoyed this year.  I’m not some Pollyanna-ish new age person who only sees the good in things, and chooses to deny the bad.  I am a person who realises how different a person I have become since January 2009.  And I want to take the opportunity right now, in the spirit of the holiday session, to look back on this year with a sense of wonder.

So, without further ado:

photo credit: eschipul

My 2009 Gratitude List

1. I am grateful for my new job working at a massage therapy clinic.  Due to this experience, I now know that working for a large massage therapy centre isn’t for me.  Also, I am more committed than ever to having my own alternative healing practice.  And, in the future,  my own healing arts studio.
2. I am grateful that I wrote my first e-book.  I had no ide,a when I started,  how to do it.  But I appreciate the fact that I didn’t make excuses for my lack of knowledge, or let fear stop me.  I simply turned up every day in front of my computer and wrote.  This made me more courageous when I decided to participate in  the National Novel Writing Contest this year.
3. I am grateful for participating in the NaNoWriCo 2009.  I didn’t cross the finish line this year with the goal of 175 pages (50,000 words) this time.  What I did get out of the experience was the freedom to write badly!  When I allowed myself that freedom, I could write and edit it later.  This experience opened me up to new adventures as well.  I feel more flexible, open, and ready to explore whatever opportunities may turn up along the way.
4. I am grateful that I finally licenced to drive.  I used to have panic attacks whenever I got behind the wheel of a car, I was so nervous.  This year I conquered this fear, and it feels lovely.  Yet another way in which I have bent my reality.  Once, I was a person “who didn’t drive.”  Now I am a person who drives.  Another added plus to this is I get to stop feeling ashamed.  Brilliant!
5. I am grateful for starting this website!  I actually had no idea how to install WordPress at the beginning of this journey.  I muddled about for weeks on end without knowing what to do.  Then I happened upon a DIY guide to WordPress installation, and, as fast as you can say, ‘Bob’s your uncle,’ I had WordPress installed and was writing articles.  It didn’t hurt that I conveniently forgot that LivingDot would have installed it for me for free!  If that hadn’t have happened, I wouldn’t have the lovely joy and freedom of being more internet savvy. Which leads me to:
6. I am grateful for discovering new ways to express my creativity.  Before I began my journey, I had very limited beliefs on what being creative was.  Painting, sculpting, writing, dancing, etc.  However, I now see that creating a website can be just as creative.  After being introduced to artists who use multi-media and digital to create and post on the internet, I can safely say you can be an artist without using oil-based paint or clay.
7. I am grateful for seeing an Xbox 360/Xbox Live game with zombies (Left 4 Dead 2)  and thinking, ‘That looks like fun! I need to get an Xbox 360!’  Instead of, ‘Boring!’  Now I am wondering to myself,  who are you?  Wicked!

That’s enough for me now.  How about you?  What changes, challenges, or opportunities do you feel grateful for?  And how have they bent your reality?  Did you feel more free, open, or what  emotion/feeling you want to feel more of?

Let me know your thoughts…

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• Gratitude: Is It Really A Superpower?
• Personal Update: National Novel Writing Contest 2009

photo credit: seanmcgrath

As I was riding the bus this morning, lost in thought, I suddenly remembered a picture I had seen once called Snake Eyes (with Nicolas Cage); it’s the oft-told story of a corrupt cop who has a change of heart once he becomes entangled in a conspiracy to commit murder.

I was reminded that, at the end of the film, Cage’s character’s life into ruin despite the fact that he had chosen to do the right thing.

The correlation I made to my own spiritual journey through life was that, more often than not, when we change even a little bit of ourselves our lives usually will look like a mess to us and to everyone around us.

It’s virtually impossible to keep your reality the same while changing yourself. I have made hundreds of futile attempts to do so. All of them have been in vain. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reach for new possibilities and hold on to what we have for dear life.

So what can we do?

Surrender.

I define surrender as remaining present with your feelings and emotions in the present.  Right where you are now.  It is a process, not a destination.  It’s allowing what going on inside you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to okay without the need to judge whether your feelings, thoughts, actions are socially appropriate to others.

Is this easy?  Of course not.  Surrendering to the present isn’t easy at all.  Each and every day I choose to work on it.  I never surrender perfectly (if such a thing is possible).  And that isn’t important anyway.

What is important is allowing yourself to feel what you feel in the moment regardless of whether or not you, or others around you, like it.

Once you are able to be where you are when you are, you open yourself up to becoming more mindful; with mindfulness comes the ability to let go of things that no longer work, and move forwards towards things that are good for you.

Here are a few tips for surrendering to the now:

1). Get out in to nature. Being able to opt-out of your current reality for even a few minutes a day could help you de-stress enough to think more clearly.

2). Have fun. Every once in a while, step off the treadmill that is reality, and have some fun.  See a funny film.  Have a giggle with friends.  Do something you enjoy for at least ten minutes a day.

3). Be with people you love. If you are going to spend eight hours plus a day with people you really have no connection with, it’s important to balance that with time spent with people you do have a connection with.

4). Don’t take reality or yourself so seriously. This is a difficult one to do consistently.  I admit that I have challenges with this.  Sometimes I am just too angry or hurt to laugh.  Or sometimes I find myself buying into the illusion that I am a helpless victim of life, and must accept what little I get and be grateful for it.  Such perceptions can be grim indeed.  But remembering that nothing is permanent in this world keeps me from sinking into a morass of self-pity.

With the suggestions above, I can go with the flow more.  Be open.  And allow the Creative Force and time to work with me and for me.  Instead of against me.  I have the freedom to surrender, knowing that tomorrow brings with it the opportunity for new choices, new possibilities that did not exist before.  That is something that both and inspires and motivates me to keep trudging forward even when things appear bleak or scary.

How about you?

What changes have you resisted?  And what occurred when you allowed yourself to surrender and “go with the flow?” How do your reality change afterward?

Feel free to share your insights.

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now

photo credit: OakleyOriginals

“This one question – ‘What do I know for certain?’ – is tremendously powerful. When you look deeply into this question, it actually destroys your world. It destroys your whole sense of self, and it’s meant to. You come to see that everything you think you know about yourself, everything you think you know about the world, is based on assumptions, beliefs and opinions – things you believe because you were taught or told that they were true. Until we start to see these false perceptions for what they really are, consciousness will be imprisoned within the dream state.” Adyashanti, The End of Your World

It was on one of those self-reflective days on my daily walking meditation that it suddenly occurred to me that I have no definitions for success and authenticity and spirituality that were self-defined.

And it was causing me alot of pain and suffering.

I realised, as I revisited my past selves in my mind, that I often allowed the definitions and judgements of others define me, my level of success, and level of authenticity; whether it be family, friends, or other peers.  In fact, it never occurred to me to question what success, authenticity and spirituality meant to me.  I was too busy looking at the externals in every situation.  And coming up short in my estimation.

Also, I don’t know anything for certain about me, or my point of view.  I never took the time to self-reflect to the level that I do now.  I preferred to make others responsible for me self-esteem, my past and current choices, and current place in life.  It was quite frightening, honestly.

All of this happened because I wasn’t particularly curious about me.  Perhaps I was afraid of what I might discover.  Or, more truthfully, I thought I knew what sort of person I was.  And I saw no reason for further exploration.  I believed I was being self-accepting.

Then something within me changed.  I attended hypnotherapy school, and became quite fascinated with how I saw the world.  I wondered how I formed my perceptions and beliefs in the first place.  And my journey did not lead me back to my family, friends, or peers.  It lead me straight back to me; the originator and instigator in my life story.

Sideways:

The first inkling I had (this was before hypnotherapy school)  that I was the one in control of my mind, emotions, and life was while I was dining at my favourite thai/vegan restaurant on my lunch hour.  I had always defined myself as an independent loner type who had few friends because I wouldn’t let others close to me.

However, was this the truth?  Or a story I told myself?

Answer: it was a story.

I believed that I was powerless to change the story because this was just who I was.

That is, until the small still voice within me weighed in on the internal dialogue.  It was you who created the story, and the labels you come to know yourself by, it whispered, and you are the only one who can change them.  No one else.

This knocked me sideways.  I was responsible for causing myself pain.  Not my mum, my family, my past lovers and friends.  You mean it was me all along?  And it wasn’t written in stone, as I had believed, I could change it at any time?

I wish I could say the journey was always pleasant, filled with joy.  But it isn’t.  I wish I could say that the journey is over and I have landed in Enlightenment-ville; a place where enlightened souls live.  But I didn’t.  In fact, as of this writing, I am still learning about myself.  Every day, I question assumptions I have made about me and my place in the world.

Full tilt:

It wasn’t until I attended hypnotherapy school (hypnosis is a wonderful tool that allows people to understand well what their beliefs are, how they are formed, and if they serve them in any way) that I got very curious about me.  Instead of assuming that I knew all I needed to know about me, I began to question my assumptions.

I believe it’s not always possible to know for certain about anyone, including myself.  But what I do know about me is that I enjoy the process of discovering all about me.

Discovering about yourself is rather like building a house.  You have to first start with the foundations.  Core beliefs are those foundations formed in the early childhood.  An unexamined belief is like a flu virus; it can be dangerous to you if left unchecked.  Getting curious about yourself is like a antidote.

Here’s a question or two or three to get you started on your very own Get-Curious-About-You Journey:

• Who were you before the world decided who you were? Everyone of us had hopes and dreams that we may have innocently shared with our families with all of the awe and wonder of a child.  Only to have those desires wrested from our grasp by people who believed they knew how the world worked.  Here is your chance to reclaim those lost hopes and dreams.
• What dreams and hopes did you have as a child? And what made you give them up?  Did you grow and change in unexpected ways?  Or did you decide that you were being unrealistic?
• What was the characteristics that those around you most noticed? Were you shy, quiet, the showstopping extrovert?  I believe these labels are keys to sorting out who you really are and, even better,  who you want to be.

This journey begins with you.  You are the creator, the architect, the engineer of your beliefs, point of view, and dreams.  Isn’t it time that you become acquainted with you so you can make wiser choices that are in integrity with who you desire to become?

When you get curious about you, you throw off the shackles of externally defined limitations.  You can then become more open to the opportunities that are presenting themselves to you now instead of making choices based on your history.

Knowledge may not always be power, but it can be a helpful tool in getting unstuck and navigating change.

Enough from me.  It’s your turn.  Share your thoughts.

Peace & Healing, Fellow Travelers

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Gift of Anger
• How Our Stories Create Our Realities
• The Passion Test

photo credit: Hamed Saber

Nice, easy to get along with, and politically correct of some of the phrases are some of the ways we try to polish off our crazy, wild, fragile edges in favour of something more socially acceptable to others.

Unfortunately, we don’t know, or forget, that the very things others don’t like about us are the seeds of our genius. It’s what makes us who we are.

Personally, I feel that being socially acceptable isn’t any fun. It’s hard denying who you are in favour of some facsimile. Ever tried to stop doing something that annoys someone else but that you love to do in order to keep the infamous peace?

I do. And my attempts usually ran out of mojo faster than it takes a Concorde to cross the Atlantic.

Sideways:

I love to talk. I love conversation. Throughout my life, I have always had people, who thought they meant well, informing me that I talk far too much for them. Of course, I would feel bad after this constructive criticism; and I would do my best to talk less. Naturally, this didn’t last long.

Why?

Because verbal communication was very important to me at that time. I don’t know of any other way to communicate my needs, wants, and expectations in my relationship with others without speech being involved. Interpretive dance just doesn’t work for me!

Full-tilt:

Everyone has shared their opinion about who are, what you’re good at, and what you’re not good at. These well-meaning people, whom include your family, friends, teachers, counselors, and colleges, have conditioned you to believe that they have a better idea of who you are and what you’re capable of. This is done through the grading system in schools; the three month evaluation period in most jobs. We have come to believe, that maybe others know us better than we do. That their external view of us is more accurate than our inside view.

Here’s the riff:

It isn’t. Denying all the less attractive aspects of ourselves in favour of the more attractive isn’t the answer. All that occurs is the nagging sense that you are driving in circles. You may start feeling resentful, put upon without knowing why.

Having a shadow side isn’t a bad thing, fellow travelers.  As a matter of fact, embracing your dark side is key to your genius. Your dark side is the centre of your contradictions.

How? you may ask.

First of all, if you are an enthusiastic person, your enthusiasm could be a blessing in one situation, and a curse in another.  Example, your enthusiastic side could be useful when leading a creative team and keeping them motivated; it’s a curse if your enthusiasm leads you to interrupt people when they are talking.

Same trait.  Different circumstances.

It’s time to start looking ourselves wholistically (yes, I changed the spelling of the word).  Instead of focusing on our positive aspects to the exclusion of all other parts of ourselves, it’s wise to look at the whole.

Another example:

The trait of stubbornness is often considered to be negative.  However, in certain circumstances, it can be a good thing.  Perseverance is linked to stubbornness.  It requires you to keeping moving forward in the face of (sometimes) overwhelming odds; it focuses your attention on the outcome or the short-term tasks at hand even when conventional wisdom contradicts what you know in your heart.

Need a more discriptive example?

Let’s say that you have decided to change careers.  You have a good job paying you very well with benefits.  You have all of the trappings of success (the cars, the home, the abundant bank account), but you feel that something is missing.  So, after some soul searching, you decide to go back to school to become an acupuncturist.  All of your friends and family think you’re insane and they tell you so.  But you choose to follow your heart, go back to school, get your degree, and open your own private practice.

You persevered, and yet you stubbornly chose to ignore what others told you in favour of what your spirit has told you.  In this case, to create your vision, you needed to embrace a socially acceptable hidden and disowned part of yourself to motivate yourself into action.

This holds true for alot of so-called “negative” traits.

This can be a challenge at first if you are in the habit of denying these shadow parts of yourself.  If you choose to work past your initial discomfort, you will find yourself experiencing a freedom, an awareness, you wouldn’t have discovered had you not been courageous enough to explore  the wild, the crazy, the icky within you.

What wild, crazy, icky parts have you hidden? And how have they provided new possibilities for you?

Look deeper.  You might be surprised at what you find.

Let me know what you discover in the comments.

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Get Curious About You
• the Gift of Anger
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now

photo credit: brendan.lally.

I’m always amazed when Halloween comes round.  It seems as if the year has just begun with all its promises and possibility intact.

Yes, I know that the New Year is observed in January.  However, the New Year I am observing is the pagan one.  At this time of the year, I begin looking forward to what new harvests I would like to plant;  at the same time, I begin the liberating, but sometimes uncomfortable, process of uncluttering my life and finishing up old projects.

I always look forward with alot of excitement like a child anticipating all the Christmas gifts s/he will be getting.  So without further ado, here’s my list of the five creative things for the new year.

Sideways, before I give you the list, let me give you my one and only guideline: 1). creative things can be big or small; the only person they have to satisfy is you.

Why 5?  Five seems manageable to me; prevents too much overthinking and hyper-analysing amd free us up to just declare our desires.  And eventually take action towards them.

Okay, moving onward…

My 5  Creative Things List

1). learn to ride a bike.  This has been a subject of shame for me since I was twelve and just couldn’t learn to balance on a bicycle properly.

2). learn to draw.  I would love to draw anything, and expand beyond the limits of the belief that says I can’t draw and can’t ever learn to draw.

3). learn to play blues guitar.  I love music and the blues is the foundation for practically every form of music in the Western world.

4). learn to skateboard.  This one would allow me to get over my fears of physically being hurt, and allow me to embrace my inner daredevil!  Besides, skate boarding is really cool to me.

5). get my first tattoo.  My idea is to get one of the Tibetan Om symbol.  I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but was afraid to get one  due to finances and pain.  But since I am a certified hypnotherapist, I’ve sorted out that I can simply numb the area with hypnosis.

Now you.  What 5 creative things would you be excited to accomplish?

Feel free to leave your answers in the comments section below.

Until next time, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing

Related Posts:

• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill
• How Our Stories Create Our Realities

photo credit: Simon Blackley

It’s amazing looking back from the perspective of someone in the shade of 25. Looking back, I see how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve changed. Not too long ago, I had long braids, wore a green silk scarf over my head, and dressed in California neo-hippie chic while living in Liverpool, England. I remember being deeply involved in the search to find myself, my right people, and my place in the world.

A few years later has made all the difference. I am now a State of California certified massage therapist, specialising in rehabilitative and sports injury massage and bodywork. I am a certified hypnotherapist, a Reiki Master Practitioner/Teacher. From lost and going nowhere quickly to having  almost an entire alphabet after my name.

Dear Sean @ 21;

1. Schools are prisons for the mind. You can learn more on your own by studying what truly interests you.
2. Having money, cars, and a big house doesn’t make you a success. You’re a success when you are doing what you love and making a difference in the world doing it.
3. Learn to value your own good opinion over everyone else’s. Other people will come and go in your life, but you are the one constant. Give yourself the gift of thinking well of yourself.
4.There’s no such thing as destiny. You cre the creator and master of your life. It really is your responsibility. Choose well.
5. Your supposed to make mistakes in order to learn. Don’t be afraid to make lots of mistakes.
6. Don’t bother chasing the money. Trust me. You will be bored; the work will be hard. And you won’t make any money at it anyway.
7. Be honest. Even though others may not always appreciate your honesty, share your truth. Your peoplehood will appreciate it greatly.
8. There isn’t always a rational explanation for everything. Allow life to be a wondrous journey.
9. Meditation is good. Do it your way, darlin’. There’s more to meditation than sitting in the painful Lotus Position while repeating a mantra you’re not certain you’re saying right.
10. Don’t lend out books you love and want to keep.
11. Your soul’s mission is what you say it is. It isn’t written in the sky. Don’t wait for a supernatural force to appear in a halo of light to start defining your purpose. Define it yourself.
12. You are not a morning person, sweetpea. It’s okay to not want to wake up before 9 am.
13. You can make money doing what you love despite what your family has told you.
14. Trust your intuition when it tells you to do something, say something, or go somewhere. It’s usually right.
15. Experiment with your sexuality. Life is too short to lock yourslef into a category that may not suit you. Anyway, you should kiss another woman at least once in your life. Maybe twice.
16. There’s nothing wrong with you. Know that. Despite what your family, friends, or colleagues may have told you. You are a wonderful person; nothing is broken. Nothing needs fixing. If someone tells you differently, ignore them.
17. Don’t believe everything you think. Not every thought you have about yourself is right. As a matter of fact, any thought that makes you feel bad about yourself is a thought you ignore.
18. Don’t believe everything everyone else says either. You can listen if you life, but don’t believe what they say all the time. People have their stories, too. And their stories are as erroneous as yours.
19. Diplomacy is overrated.
20. Just because someone ahs written a book, or has letters after their name does not mean they are an authority. More importantly, the only authority on you and your life is you.
21. Life gets better each and every day…

Believe me.

Peace & Healing

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Gift of Anger
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now
• Get Curious About You

photo credit: Untitled blue

Nonlinear Goal Setting

Just recently, as in today, I just read a great post about Nonlinear Goal Setting.


In the past, I would set a goal in affirmative language set in the present time with a target date on it.  Like this:

I am so happy and grateful as I walk across the stage to give a key note speech at the Whole Health Expo by October 1, 2012.

Or what have you…

However, as I have learned through trial and error such a goal setting technique doesn’t work for me for long terms goals as above. Just short term goals.

The reason?  I find it difficult to sustain the feelings of excitement (that I initially feel) when I set the goal.  As a matter of fact, sometimes the feelings of excitement and enthusiasm wane, leaving me feeling as if I’m doing the process wrong.

(The New Age Gurus would claim that the goal is the wrong goal if I can’t sustain feelings of excitement about it for long periods of time.  A point of view I think is absolute bollocks! Don’t these people know anything about human beings at all!)

But, as I was saying…

This process  leads to feelings of frustration followed by the self-flagellation and recrimination cycle.  In this cycle I resolve to do better next time by “trying harder.”  Really applying myself this time.  Of course, this leads to more feelings of anger, frustration then the cycle repeats continuously.

Dreams That Come From The Heart

The challenge with linear goal setting is that it’s a left-brained logical process that doesn’t involve much creativity or intuition (which come from the hear and are nonlinear)..  It’s very outward-looking and external.  And it’s based on the beliefs that there is 1). something inherently wrong with you that needs fixing.  2). a solution to that “problem” that’s outside of you. 3). a step by step linear process that  will result in happiness and achievement.

A soul could spend years in this “mind-prison” running this way and that, chasing after this goal.  Then that goal.  Constantly changing course until you feel exhausted yet no closer to your goals.

Sometimes I felt like a donkey chasing a carrot on the end of a stick!

I put in too much effort and saw not alot of result.  All I had to show for it were feelings of frustration, shame, blame, etc.

Is there a way out?

The answer to the question is found in 1) asking yourself if the goal feels good (Does it have heart?)  When you ask this question, consider more than the end result.  Consider whether or not you enjoy the process of creating the goal and growing into the person will invariably become.

Michael Jordan loves the process of being an excellent basketball player.  This includes all the hours of practice spent shooting basket after basket.

Jimi Hendrix loved playing blues/rock guitar.  This included all the hours of practice privately and publicly spent learning chords, scales, and jamming with other musicians until he became proficient.

Yes, I know Jimi Hendrix  went off-world.  He still loved the process of becoming an excellent guitarist.

Both of the above examples and countless others I could name live the joy of their heart’s dream.  Each and every day.

These people were so in love with the process… irrespective of whatever end vision they saw in their mind’s eye.  This is what is called detachment.

So if you want to write a book for children, lose weight, climb Mount Everest, or perform your poetry in public; connect to your feelings in the moment.  Connect with already being what you intend to become right now (long before it manifests).

Always ask yourself first:  what brings me joy?

Let me share one more thing before I close:  I have followed the vision of dollars signs far too often instead of my heart.  The result?  I started and gave up on six home businesses.

Why? you might ask.

Because money wasn’t a strong enough motivator to keep me going with the process of building a business.  When you love what you do, you love the process of what you do.  Regardless of the destination.  If you get there, you can rejoice.  If you don’t, you are having too much fun to care.

Don’t we all deserve the passion, joy, and love in our lives that being in love with the process of becoming the person we envision ( with our hearts) ourselves to be?

It’s time to tap into your heart’s wisdom.  Instead of the default position many of us fall back on: asking our minds to chart and navigate our course to our heart’s desires.

Why wait one more day? Commence burning those bridges ( the old ways of goal setting)!

Let me know what bridges you are willing to burn in order to live a passionate and soulful life?  And what is a passionate and soulful life to you?

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now
• Personal Update: National Novel Writing Contest 2009

I was taking one my many mid day catnaps on my first day off when my eyes caught on a book I have not read in a while.  It’s called The Passion Test by Janet Attwood.

I read the book and took the Passion Test a while ago.  But I have since retaken the survey to see where I am today.

So without further ado, here’s my passions list!
Top 10 11 Passions List

1. Having fun, magick, and adventure in all aspects of my life
2. Exploring, growing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically
3. Participating actively in my self-determination by doing what I want when I want
4. Writing, singing, performing, recording, producing indie soul music
5. Being happily self-employed as a spiritual teacher, holistic health practitioner, transformational speaker, and writer
6. Embracing my strangeness completely
7. Being an enlightened multimillionaire
8. Helping people embrace their originality and live the life of their dreams
9. Writing fantasy novels for young adults
10. Speaking inspirational, transformational and spiritual subjects to individuals and large groups
11. Learning and teaching new things to myself and others
12. Maintaining my sense of inner peace

What’s the difference between a passion and a goal?  Janet Attwood, author of the Passion Test, defines a passion this way: “A passion is how you choose to live your life.”  While a goal is ” something you aim to achieve.”  For example, a passion could be “being a multimillionaire.”  But a goal would be “making $5 million in three years.”

I would add that a passion comes from your spirit which is unique, full of energy, and is what you love.  A goal is created by your mind.  Ideally a goal aligns with your deepest passions instead of vice versa.

See the difference?

No?

Okay.  Passions are about progress.  Goals about outcomes.

Clarity about your passions allows you to create goals that will help you create the life you love.  Goals are valuable, but it is  ideal to find out what your passions are first.  Then explore the goals that would best align with them.

What are your passions?  How do you choose to live your life?

If you would like to get clarity about your passions, read or take  the Passion Test. Could change the way you see yourself in relation to the world.

Alright, that’s it for today, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• the Blessing of Uniqueness
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self