the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: seanmcgrath

As I was riding the bus this morning, lost in thought, I suddenly remembered a picture I had seen once called Snake Eyes (with Nicolas Cage); it’s the oft-told story of a corrupt cop who has a change of heart once he becomes entangled in a conspiracy to commit murder.

I was reminded that, at the end of the film, Cage’s character’s life into ruin despite the fact that he had chosen to do the right thing.

The correlation I made to my own spiritual journey through life was that, more often than not, when we change even a little bit of ourselves our lives usually will look like a mess to us and to everyone around us.

It’s virtually impossible to keep your reality the same while changing yourself. I have made hundreds of futile attempts to do so. All of them have been in vain. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reach for new possibilities and hold on to what we have for dear life.

So what can we do?

Surrender.

I define surrender as remaining present with your feelings and emotions in the present.  Right where you are now.  It is a process, not a destination.  It’s allowing what going on inside you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to okay without the need to judge whether your feelings, thoughts, actions are socially appropriate to others.

Is this easy?  Of course not.  Surrendering to the present isn’t easy at all.  Each and every day I choose to work on it.  I never surrender perfectly (if such a thing is possible).  And that isn’t important anyway.

What is important is allowing yourself to feel what you feel in the moment regardless of whether or not you, or others around you, like it.

Once you are able to be where you are when you are, you open yourself up to becoming more mindful; with mindfulness comes the ability to let go of things that no longer work, and move forwards towards things that are good for you.

Here are a few tips for surrendering to the now:

1). Get out in to nature. Being able to opt-out of your current reality for even a few minutes a day could help you de-stress enough to think more clearly.

2). Have fun. Every once in a while, step off the treadmill that is reality, and have some fun.  See a funny film.  Have a giggle with friends.  Do something you enjoy for at least ten minutes a day.

3). Be with people you love. If you are going to spend eight hours plus a day with people you really have no connection with, it’s important to balance that with time spent with people you do have a connection with.

4). Don’t take reality or yourself so seriously. This is a difficult one to do consistently.  I admit that I have challenges with this.  Sometimes I am just too angry or hurt to laugh.  Or sometimes I find myself buying into the illusion that I am a helpless victim of life, and must accept what little I get and be grateful for it.  Such perceptions can be grim indeed.  But remembering that nothing is permanent in this world keeps me from sinking into a morass of self-pity.

With the suggestions above, I can go with the flow more.  Be open.  And allow the Creative Force and time to work with me and for me.  Instead of against me.  I have the freedom to surrender, knowing that tomorrow brings with it the opportunity for new choices, new possibilities that did not exist before.  That is something that both and inspires and motivates me to keep trudging forward even when things appear bleak or scary.

How about you?

What changes have you resisted?  And what occurred when you allowed yourself to surrender and “go with the flow?” How do your reality change afterward?

Feel free to share your insights.

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now

photo credit: Hamed Saber

Nice, easy to get along with, and politically correct of some of the phrases are some of the ways we try to polish off our crazy, wild, fragile edges in favour of something more socially acceptable to others.

Unfortunately, we don’t know, or forget, that the very things others don’t like about us are the seeds of our genius. It’s what makes us who we are.

Personally, I feel that being socially acceptable isn’t any fun. It’s hard denying who you are in favour of some facsimile. Ever tried to stop doing something that annoys someone else but that you love to do in order to keep the infamous peace?

I do. And my attempts usually ran out of mojo faster than it takes a Concorde to cross the Atlantic.

Sideways:

I love to talk. I love conversation. Throughout my life, I have always had people, who thought they meant well, informing me that I talk far too much for them. Of course, I would feel bad after this constructive criticism; and I would do my best to talk less. Naturally, this didn’t last long.

Why?

Because verbal communication was very important to me at that time. I don’t know of any other way to communicate my needs, wants, and expectations in my relationship with others without speech being involved. Interpretive dance just doesn’t work for me!

Full-tilt:

Everyone has shared their opinion about who are, what you’re good at, and what you’re not good at. These well-meaning people, whom include your family, friends, teachers, counselors, and colleges, have conditioned you to believe that they have a better idea of who you are and what you’re capable of. This is done through the grading system in schools; the three month evaluation period in most jobs. We have come to believe, that maybe others know us better than we do. That their external view of us is more accurate than our inside view.

Here’s the riff:

It isn’t. Denying all the less attractive aspects of ourselves in favour of the more attractive isn’t the answer. All that occurs is the nagging sense that you are driving in circles. You may start feeling resentful, put upon without knowing why.

Having a shadow side isn’t a bad thing, fellow travelers.  As a matter of fact, embracing your dark side is key to your genius. Your dark side is the centre of your contradictions.

How? you may ask.

First of all, if you are an enthusiastic person, your enthusiasm could be a blessing in one situation, and a curse in another.  Example, your enthusiastic side could be useful when leading a creative team and keeping them motivated; it’s a curse if your enthusiasm leads you to interrupt people when they are talking.

Same trait.  Different circumstances.

It’s time to start looking ourselves wholistically (yes, I changed the spelling of the word).  Instead of focusing on our positive aspects to the exclusion of all other parts of ourselves, it’s wise to look at the whole.

Another example:

The trait of stubbornness is often considered to be negative.  However, in certain circumstances, it can be a good thing.  Perseverance is linked to stubbornness.  It requires you to keeping moving forward in the face of (sometimes) overwhelming odds; it focuses your attention on the outcome or the short-term tasks at hand even when conventional wisdom contradicts what you know in your heart.

Need a more discriptive example?

Let’s say that you have decided to change careers.  You have a good job paying you very well with benefits.  You have all of the trappings of success (the cars, the home, the abundant bank account), but you feel that something is missing.  So, after some soul searching, you decide to go back to school to become an acupuncturist.  All of your friends and family think you’re insane and they tell you so.  But you choose to follow your heart, go back to school, get your degree, and open your own private practice.

You persevered, and yet you stubbornly chose to ignore what others told you in favour of what your spirit has told you.  In this case, to create your vision, you needed to embrace a socially acceptable hidden and disowned part of yourself to motivate yourself into action.

This holds true for alot of so-called “negative” traits.

This can be a challenge at first if you are in the habit of denying these shadow parts of yourself.  If you choose to work past your initial discomfort, you will find yourself experiencing a freedom, an awareness, you wouldn’t have discovered had you not been courageous enough to explore  the wild, the crazy, the icky within you.

What wild, crazy, icky parts have you hidden? And how have they provided new possibilities for you?

Look deeper.  You might be surprised at what you find.

Let me know what you discover in the comments.

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

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• Get Curious About You
• the Gift of Anger
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now

photo credit: Simon Blackley

It’s amazing looking back from the perspective of someone in the shade of 25. Looking back, I see how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve changed. Not too long ago, I had long braids, wore a green silk scarf over my head, and dressed in California neo-hippie chic while living in Liverpool, England. I remember being deeply involved in the search to find myself, my right people, and my place in the world.

A few years later has made all the difference. I am now a State of California certified massage therapist, specialising in rehabilitative and sports injury massage and bodywork. I am a certified hypnotherapist, a Reiki Master Practitioner/Teacher. From lost and going nowhere quickly to having  almost an entire alphabet after my name.

Dear Sean @ 21;

1. Schools are prisons for the mind. You can learn more on your own by studying what truly interests you.
2. Having money, cars, and a big house doesn’t make you a success. You’re a success when you are doing what you love and making a difference in the world doing it.
3. Learn to value your own good opinion over everyone else’s. Other people will come and go in your life, but you are the one constant. Give yourself the gift of thinking well of yourself.
4.There’s no such thing as destiny. You cre the creator and master of your life. It really is your responsibility. Choose well.
5. Your supposed to make mistakes in order to learn. Don’t be afraid to make lots of mistakes.
6. Don’t bother chasing the money. Trust me. You will be bored; the work will be hard. And you won’t make any money at it anyway.
7. Be honest. Even though others may not always appreciate your honesty, share your truth. Your peoplehood will appreciate it greatly.
8. There isn’t always a rational explanation for everything. Allow life to be a wondrous journey.
9. Meditation is good. Do it your way, darlin’. There’s more to meditation than sitting in the painful Lotus Position while repeating a mantra you’re not certain you’re saying right.
10. Don’t lend out books you love and want to keep.
11. Your soul’s mission is what you say it is. It isn’t written in the sky. Don’t wait for a supernatural force to appear in a halo of light to start defining your purpose. Define it yourself.
12. You are not a morning person, sweetpea. It’s okay to not want to wake up before 9 am.
13. You can make money doing what you love despite what your family has told you.
14. Trust your intuition when it tells you to do something, say something, or go somewhere. It’s usually right.
15. Experiment with your sexuality. Life is too short to lock yourslef into a category that may not suit you. Anyway, you should kiss another woman at least once in your life. Maybe twice.
16. There’s nothing wrong with you. Know that. Despite what your family, friends, or colleagues may have told you. You are a wonderful person; nothing is broken. Nothing needs fixing. If someone tells you differently, ignore them.
17. Don’t believe everything you think. Not every thought you have about yourself is right. As a matter of fact, any thought that makes you feel bad about yourself is a thought you ignore.
18. Don’t believe everything everyone else says either. You can listen if you life, but don’t believe what they say all the time. People have their stories, too. And their stories are as erroneous as yours.
19. Diplomacy is overrated.
20. Just because someone ahs written a book, or has letters after their name does not mean they are an authority. More importantly, the only authority on you and your life is you.
21. Life gets better each and every day…

Believe me.

Peace & Healing

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• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Gift of Anger
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now
• Get Curious About You

I was taking one my many mid day catnaps on my first day off when my eyes caught on a book I have not read in a while.  It’s called The Passion Test by Janet Attwood.

I read the book and took the Passion Test a while ago.  But I have since retaken the survey to see where I am today.

So without further ado, here’s my passions list!
Top 10 11 Passions List

1. Having fun, magick, and adventure in all aspects of my life
2. Exploring, growing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically
3. Participating actively in my self-determination by doing what I want when I want
4. Writing, singing, performing, recording, producing indie soul music
5. Being happily self-employed as a spiritual teacher, holistic health practitioner, transformational speaker, and writer
6. Embracing my strangeness completely
7. Being an enlightened multimillionaire
8. Helping people embrace their originality and live the life of their dreams
9. Writing fantasy novels for young adults
10. Speaking inspirational, transformational and spiritual subjects to individuals and large groups
11. Learning and teaching new things to myself and others
12. Maintaining my sense of inner peace

What’s the difference between a passion and a goal?  Janet Attwood, author of the Passion Test, defines a passion this way: “A passion is how you choose to live your life.”  While a goal is ” something you aim to achieve.”  For example, a passion could be “being a multimillionaire.”  But a goal would be “making $5 million in three years.”

I would add that a passion comes from your spirit which is unique, full of energy, and is what you love.  A goal is created by your mind.  Ideally a goal aligns with your deepest passions instead of vice versa.

See the difference?

No?

Okay.  Passions are about progress.  Goals about outcomes.

Clarity about your passions allows you to create goals that will help you create the life you love.  Goals are valuable, but it is  ideal to find out what your passions are first.  Then explore the goals that would best align with them.

What are your passions?  How do you choose to live your life?

If you would like to get clarity about your passions, read or take  the Passion Test. Could change the way you see yourself in relation to the world.

Alright, that’s it for today, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• the Blessing of Uniqueness
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self

I was in the most unlikely of places when I came to a wonderful realisation.

But before I tell you the realisation, I need to tell you the story.  It’s about my Gran.

My Gran (my mum’s mum) was a fiercely independent, strong-headed Irish woman who immigrated to Liverpool, England when she married my Granddad.

In the 50s and 60s, it was very challenging for women or Irish people to gain employment.  In fact, employment opportunities were downright limited for those with the wrong accents, from the wrong part of England (anywhere that was not London).  A young Irish woman,  who was also Irish Catholic, was mostly likely a homemaker.

My Gran was employed.  She had her own money, and did not need to rely on my Granddad’s income.  Meaning that, if he had chosen to divorce her or had died, she would have had income of her own to support herself and her two daughters (my mum and my aunt).

Now I have watched TVLand.  One of the TV programmes I have watched was I Love Lucy.  As everyone knows, Lucy is always scheming for her moment in the spotlight.  But what most people do not notice is that Lucy and Ricky are not on equal footing.

Ricky is clearly the head of the household.  He is in control of the fiances; if Lucy needs grocery money, she has to ask him for her weekly allowance.  When she spends more than her weekly allowance, she gets scolded like a child by her husband.

In my grandparents’ household, this did not happen.  My grandparents both had jobs.  Therefore, they were on more equal footing.  And my Gran was the one in control of the finances, not my Grandad.  This was because she was better at maths than he was.

Due to this double income, my mum and aunt grew up in a more affluent household than their peers.  One generation over, it created a need for equality in me.

How does this tie in with my revelation?

I realised that the disempowering story of impoverished Irish immigrants who could not seem to make the most of the opportunities presented to them was not doing me the least bit of good.  I often told myself that story.

It seemed true.

However, it takes no more energy to tell myself another story with the same elements in it that empowers me.  The above story is the new story.

With a new empowering story, I feel more comfortable embracing change, taking risks, and rewriting old patterns.

In the old story, I was the unlucky granddaughter of two unlucky impoverished Irish immigrants.

In the new story, I am the granddaughter of  strong, tough, independent woman who left Ireland with few prospects (except motherhood and homemaking) to take a risk in a new country, marry,  get a job (as I said at a time when few women did), raise fairly well-adjusted two daughters, and create a loving fifty year marriage based on love, friendship, and equality.

The difference is in the first story my Gran is a victim.  And, by inference, so am I.

In the second, she and I come out courageous and victorious.

What stories are you telling yourself?

Do they empower or disempower you?

Let me know your thoughts in the comment section, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing Light

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photo credit: faith goble

How do you know when you are renting out your mind?

More importantly, what is “renting out your mind?”  How do you know when you are renting out your mind in the first place?

I define renting out your mind as allowing other people to decide your life for you.

An example, when we are all children our parents shape our worldview by sharing with us their beliefs.  My family believes that hard work, in the form of a 9 to 5 job, is the basis for a great life.  In fact, their entire identity is based on their position in society as employed people.

The sad fact of this belief is that when the job is over, then the identity goes out the window.  This happened to my GrandDad.  He worked since he was a teenager.  Came from a family that believed that only employed family members had value.  So he worked a few years before his death.  When he was suddenly sacked from his job, he sank into depression, isolation, and listlessness.

It was sad to watch, my mum said.

All because he defined his identity on his employment status.  It was his belief.  And his family owned his mind until death.

You Choose Your Beliefs

Question your beliefs now.  The goal is to own your own mind. How about you?

To own your own mind,  you have to decide to choose the beliefs that make up your own story.  Your  identity is not defined by your vocation, avocation, hobbies, gender, cultural and social roles.  Or anyone else’s,  for that matter. You can do this as well.

Choose to free myself from living a life that others approve of.  A life that does not inspire passion.

For example, if I chose to allow my family to continue to own my mind, I would have an office job under florescent lighting, good health insurance, a nice benefits package, a great salary.

I had a wonderful ability to run the hell away from any job that would supply me with the above situation plus a one bedroom flat, a car, a household pet, and an inflexible wake up, go to work, come home, repeat routine.  Despite my family’s urgings to find a stable job and hold on to it until it was pried from my cold dead hands, my vibes told me this was not the life for me.  You have this ability as well.  Use it.

So how exactly do you go about the “stopping of the renting of the mind, thank you?”

Inspire Passion

1. Ask yourself, What turns you on? What makes you happy?  What chuffs you pink?
2. Create a list of about ten things. More if you have the time.  Just list every activity that makes you happy, even if it is just petting your dog.  If it makes you happy, it goes on the list.
3. Schedule in some time to do at least three things you love each week.  For example, you might have free time on Wednesday at 1-3pm when your children are down for a nap or at school; then turn off your cell, tell your friends and family you have business to take care off, and go to the beach and read romance novels for two hours (if that’s on your list).
4. Go out and do it. This doesn’t work if you simply lie about visualising that it’s going to happen without any action on your part.  No, the point is, you now go out on Wednesday and do things you love for two hours.  No matter what.
   

For me that required me to take some time off, and go on a spiritual quest that took me to LA.  There I went to massage school, and became a certified massage therapist.

What does it mean you have to do to make the change?

So what does this have to do with not renting out your mind?

Easy.  When you are focused on being joyful by doing joyful things, you bring joy to more people.  When you give yourself permission to choose in favour of your passions, you are being true to yourself.  And when you are expressing your true self, you are thinking for yourself.  At this point you have less energy available to focus on  the expectations and opinions of others; thereby, taking your mind off the market, so to speak.

Remember as well that in choosing in favour of what delights you, you become a role model for others who desire to do the same and need the inspiration to do it.   This is a win-win situation, fellow travelers!

And how do you stop renting out your mind?

Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Choose in favour of your passions.
• Focus your energies on how you can overcome your challenges. No one has ever succeeded in making anyone else change.  No matter how good the change may be for the other person.  Start with you first.  Let the world take care of it’s self.
• Allow everyone in your environment the freedom of not being happy with you right now. Make your mistakes now, and ask for forgiveness later.
  
• Release the need to ask for permission. No one can grant you that, so it’s better to let go of the expectation that others have the power to stop you from doing what you want to do, and being who you desire to be.
• Take responsibility for your life. This includes the divine messes you’ve created in the past.  You know the ones you’d love to blame on your mum, your dad, your boss, your first boy/girlfriend.  Taking responsibility is a sign of courage, and broadcasts to the world that you are ready to create your life as you see fit.  As long as blame is cast on everyone else, you never truly wield the power necessary to create a passionate, fun, gloriously juicy and wild life.
  

No regrets.  None necessary.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to choose in favour of your happiness.  And no one is going to give you that permission anyway, so don’t worry so much about it.

I am a healer.  A musician.  And a free spirit.  Not too mention being a Highly Sensitive Person. And I love it.

None of these things fit into a nice template.  In order to own my own mind,  I have to be the person who determines what I believe.  So do you.

Today, take time out to examine your beliefs.  Ask, do these beliefs serve me?  If they do, keep them  If not, it’s time to create new beliefs.  And more importantly, what delights me, excites me, drives me wild gloriously juicy ideas?

Let me know in the comments.

That’s all for now, Fellow Travelers.

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• On Taking the Red Pill
• How Our Stories Create Our Realities

photo credit: papalars

I have always done my best to think positively.  I bought books on positive thinking, said affirmations to myself, studied the law of attraction by watching such films as the Secret, and on and on.

While these steps did do some good, I find myself confused as to why they don’t seem to work for me now.  What changed?

Positive thinking in and of its’ self is a good thing.  Especially if the alternative is to dwell too much on the negative.

But are these our only two alternatives?

What if they don’t work?

So I did my best to think positive thoughts, and bad things still happened.  And what did I do?  I blamed myself.  Because as Jack Canfield (of Chicken Soup For the Soul fame) says, if it doesn’t work for you all the time, you must be doing something wrong.

You see, my fault.

However, when I thought negatively that did not work either.  I was depressed, alone, and lonely most of the time.

Now what?

What if I did not have to choose between one or the other?

Sideways: this reminds me of the quote: if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

I never thought there might be another option until I read the book, Sacred Choices by Christel Nani, a former emergency room trauma nurse turned medical intuitive.  In her book, she states that it never occurs to any of us that there might be more choices available than we realise.

What if you are allergic to lemons?  Or just don’t like lemonade?  What options are available to you then?

Christel Nani comes up with another option.  Why not give the lemons away and go buy chocolate (or whatever you really want) instead?

What a novel concept!

We have all been conditioned to believe that we have a finite amount of choices.  If what we want is not on the menu, we should get something pretty close to what we want.  We should compromise.  That way we can be assured of getting something instead of a big fat nothing.

When we buy a car, we can have any colour we like as long as it from the list of colours the car model is manufactured in.

Lateral thinking.

Ever heard of it?

It is often used in the puzzle about the car accident victim who is taken to a hospital in which the policy is the doctor cannot work on his/her own relatives.  And the doctor says, ‘ I can’t work on this young man, he is my son.’ Why can’t the doctor work on the victim?

Answer: the doctor is the victim’s mother.

Most people know the answer now.  But forty or so years ago, the answer would have frozen many a brain.

Step outside of the conventional patterns of thought and behaviour for solutions.

Instead of allowing the limited list of options to keep you stuck or lead you into situations you’d rather avoid,  is it not a better idea to practice both/and thinking.

Like so:

I want to relax.  I want to hang out with my friends.

Instead of staying home to relax or hang out with your friends.  As in the either/or way of processing.

Why not relax with your friends.  In fact, you could invite them over for a relaxing night of take away pizza and movies.  Or a relaxing night out at a laid back corner bistro with dinner and great conversation.

See?

You really don’t have to create mental prisons that limit you as long as you are willing to use a bit more of your imagination.

And examine your belief system (gently and compassionately).

The next time you feel stuck by a dungeon/thought prison, open your mind to the concept of casting your choice net wide, and sitting in the driver’s seat of your life.

Okay.  Time to come down off of the soap box.

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• Celebrating Your Childhood Now
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• The Power of the Word No

photo credit: Paraflyer

Today the question on my mind is:  am I really a failure?

My prime directive has always been to follow my intuition on the sort of adventures I would seek and enjoy.  This directive, as it were, very rarely allowed my the opportunity to stay on the beaten track for long.  Somehow this reminds of the time I attempted to please my mother with a job that promised me a lot of money ( at the time!).

I was just eighteen.  I found a job working as an assistant manager trainee in a posh shoe store.  I was so excited!  I was management.  One day, I might have my own store.

The lady who interviewed me was very nice; don’t remember what she looked like or what her name was, though.  But listening to her speak with such passion about the management of a shoe store ignited my passion.  It also did not hurt that a management position presented me with opportunities to manage other people (i.e., boss others about) and make money.  Not to mention win my mother’s love and approval for once.

I don’t remember if I had any misgivings.  I guess I didn’t because I went to two or three more interviews with a nice fellow who managed another store.  He hired me and my eyes glazed over as I counted all the money I would make, and the now sure path to management putting a hopeful gleam in my eye.

I wish I could say that this experiment went well.  Oh, hell.  Who am I kidding?  I don’t ever wish that I could say that the experiment went well.  If it had,  I wouldn’t be writing this; I would be managing some big chain store somewhere in Northwest England.  But I digress!  Moving on.

Anyway, as soon as I started the job things went terribly wrong.  First thing, the manager saw fit not to train me well.  So I did not know there was a quota for the week.  Didn’t know there was a quota so I did not meet or exceed said quota.

Telling the staff I did not know there was a quota didn’t do me any good.  All they said was, “Well, the sales quota is so easy to see.  It’s posted right here on the wall.  You can’t miss it if you are looking.”  Really, people?  The quota was so far removed to a far corner in the back office that I would have needed a pair of blood hounds to find it. But I believe they all knew that.

Next, the manager saw fit not to inform me of how to tell a looky-loo (a person who has no intention of buying any product) from a person intending to buy.  When I asked him how to spot the person likely to buy, all he said was, “You’re gonna have to figure that out for yourself.”

I found his reply very odd at the time, but did not choose to question it until years later (that’s another story for another time).  After all, he was an authority.  Maybe I need to sort this out on my own.  Maybe this was his way of teaching me.  Bollocks!!

Then things got really bad.  I started have lucid dreams that brought me out of sleep sweating, heart racing, mind going at all the wrong angles.  I also started to have feelings of dread when I had to drag myself to the job.

If this was a signal from the Divine, it was in code.  I did not get the signs, portends, omens, or whatever.  My mind forced my body and spirit to show up for work each day with the promise of love and approval from my mother and the money to help win said love and approval.

Of course things got worse.  I got flu-like symptoms, and I couldn’t keep food in my body anymore.  I couldn’t sleep either; my mind spent the night twisting itsself into all sorts of odd little shapes.  I got night sweats, day sweats, and in-between sweats .  I was always cold no matter how hot the room was, or how many blankets I had on me.  I didn’t have the strength to stand at work anymore, so working became more torturous.

I was so ill,  I was hospitalised.  I was so horribly dehydrated that hospital had to pump fluids in me faster than my body could absorb them.  My liver began acting wonky,  producing icky brown bile instead of its normal colour (whatever that is).  And my abdomen became so inflamed and swollen that I looked half preggers.

By the turn of the year, I was lying around hospital staring up at the ceiling with tubes coming out of me and my dear mother was nowhere to be seen (another time for this story).

When I was released from hospital on out patient, what did I do?  I went right back to the job that was killing my soul.  That is when I found out that they had already replaced me.  It was this person who gave me my first dose of perspective.

We were eating lunch one day, the topic was moved to our current position.  She dismissively informed me that the position of “assistant manager trainee” was simply a glorified sales person position.  Hmmm.  Interesting.

I believe I took that in.  Turned it over in my mind.  I began to question myself and my desires regarding this job.  I took time to pause and reflect.

The conclusion of this story being that I left this position.  I was too weak to work.  The job was not going to lead to any increase in wealth or motherly love and approval.  I was not good at selling overpriced-yet-poorly-manufactured shoes to shop girls on lunch hour. More importantly, I had no love of selling, no rapport with the sales staff at the store, and no desire to be in their company any longer.

It was another six months to a year before I was completely healthy enough to work.  During this time my lift crashed to the ground.  Everyone off!  Anti-depressant and anti-psychotics became my new religion and way of life.

It was another few years before I woke up, assessed my life, and decided I would rather live elsewhere.  Be with other people not related to me by blood or shared oxygen supply.  Then it was, to LA, my sweet!

Now, how does this pertain to normal people not changing the world?  I am so glad you asked, fellow travelers!  The lesson is this: when you are too busy trying to conform, win the love and approval of others, and follow the trad path (stands for traditional), you aren’t available to listen to your soul.

How do I know this?

The signs are in the story I just shared with you.  When I didn’t listen to my soul and tried to force myself to follow the trad path, I got sick.  Does something like this happen to you, too?  I am willing to bet it does.  Here are some of the symptoms of going against your soul:

• you are suddenly feeling tired all the time, even after hours of sleep
• you are irritated and cranky for no apparent reason
• you start getting colds, fevers and others minor body distress signals
• you can’t sleep well at night
• you feel a vague sense of discontent and restlessness
• you start to feel disconnected from your feelings
• you start to feel a bit moody, depressed
• you begin to withdraw from the world
• you begin to feel isolated and alone

There is a high price to be paid for ignoring the voice of your soul.  If you allow all of the above symptoms to continue, more serious symptoms begin to clamour for your attention.  One day, a diagnosis of a more serious dis-ease of a physical or psychologicalnature occurs (i.e., ms, lupus, cancer, heart dis-ease, fibromyalsia, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc.)  Along with this the feeling of feeling (yes, I just wrote feeling of feeling) blissed out, stuck in the wrong life with the wrong people.

I can relate.  This happened to me (the symptoms, not the dis-eases)  before my lift crashed to the ground for a few years.  During this period, I took the time to pause and reflect because there were no other options except suicide that were workable.  And I didn’t give myself the option yet of not facing up to the un-face-up-to-able (yes, you did read that!).

What I couldn’t face was that while my family and friends may have loved me, they did not know anything about me, my right life path, or how I could manifest any of it.  Not their fault.  Not my fault.  If they knew how to manifest a right life path, they would not be stuck in jobs they hate and took by necessity.  They would not be living lives plotted out by people they loved but who did not really know or understand them either.

What I did decide to do, once I healed enough, was leave them.  I believe it was the right thing to do.  We are very different.  I needed to sort out who I really was without a chorus of voices offering me unsolicited advice and suggestions on how to ignore my inner voice, pack it in, grow up, and get a real (read; real to them) job/life.  In short, to do as they had done.

I have come a long way in a few years, really.  I’ve  studied all sorts of healing modalities like: Reiki, hypnosis, the Silva Method, therapeutic imagery, NLP, reflexology, meditation, etc.   Along the way, I was better able to sort out who I am really am (an on-going work in progress, thankyouverymuch) and what my passions are.

And, when a dissonant voice raises up to discount what I know to be true, I tune them out because I have rewritten a core belief that said, “You have to listen to the advice of friends and family no matter what.”  The new belief is: “I can choose to love myself by avoiding toxic,  situations, people and advice even if they are friends and family.  Or from friends and family.”

So to answer the question I opened with: am I a failure?  Yes, if you define my success in trad  terms.  No, if you understand that my success is an based on the uncommon path.

Let me digress a bit to explain my meaning.

The trad path is easy to follow.  It is well-worn with the footsteps of others who have gone before you.  There are signposts to guide you: i.e., a large home, a luxury car, several hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank.  In Tradville, everything is measured in externals (things you can see and, therefore, measure).

The path of the uncommon where there are no signposts along the way to guide you.  Where you must rely more on your internals (happiness, joy, inner peace, etc.)  than externals to navigate.  Where, more often than not, you are Alice or Neo having an into-the-looking-glass experience.  Up is down.  Right is left.  You get the idea.

On the uncommon path, I define success in internals.  Like this.

• Is my soul happy?
• Am I learning new things?
• Am I having adventures I enjoy?
• Am I following my inner wisdom?
• Am I surrounded by like-minded and like-souled people?

This is not to say that I don’t want to have a beautiful home.  Or really cool purple Porsche.  I do.  I just intend to keep sight of that which is important to me first and foremost.  My connection to my inner wisdom.  Without that, I am vulnerable to the shoulds virus.

As in, I should get a job to pay the bills (even though I want to be an enterpreneur).  I should get married (even though I don’t want to get married).  I should live close to my family (even though doing so feels confining, and I enjoy my privacy).

On the uncommon path, you won’t meet any normal people.   To travel the uncommon path, you have to be willing to give up being normal (whatever that is).

I define being normal as: the addiction to approval from external sources that “drives” the desire to conform to others’ standards .  A good example being, my desire for my mother’s love and approval “drove” me to choose a soul-depleting job for money.  Money was the currency guaranteed to rent my mother’s love and approval on an hourly basis.

Okay, fellow travellers.  I’m done.    Stay tuned.  Stay open (unless you would rather be closed).

As always, transform your mind, transform your life.  Then go out and transform someone else’s life (with their permission, of course).

Peace & Healing All,

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photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

So today I thought I would pontificate on being yourself, and why there’s a wacky, wild, and weird magick in that.

Now I used to think the way to happiness was to allow other people to give constructive criticism and then twist myself into lovely little knots attempting to be all things to all people.  Then one day I realised that was “for the pigeons.”  People have all sorts of issues that they will happily project onto you without a single thought to the contrary.  I once encountered a guy (sadly, I dated him!) who saw me as a cold, narrow-minded person.  I thought this was hilarious coming from a guy who couldn’t spell narrow-minded let alone cold.

The guy was a never ending source of comedic material that I laugh out loud about to this day.  I digress, however.  What I was going to say was being your adorable little freaky self is where it is at, fellow travelers.  Haven’t we all tried to be what others wanted, hoped for, expected?  Only to have the same people find fault with the ‘us’ we created at their request.

The reason for this is this.  People do not respect people whom they can twist like a bendable straw on a whim.  People do not appreciate the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years spent creating a self that they would love.  Not only will they not thank you for listening to their well-meaning advice on how to eradicate all of your quirks, faults, and foibles; they will look at you askance as if you had grown a second head, a third eye, and two more arms.

Is this you?

Creative, wonderful, wanderer who can’t stand working 9 to 5 in an office as the “tea girl?”  (It’s an English thing. Bear with me.)  Would rather travel the world, learning new languages, and letting your heart decide your next adventure?

And then you told this to your mother, best friend, and your great aunt all in one week. Next thing you know, you are sitting in a cubicle and five years have passed since you last had a conversation with your soul.

Yeah, but… I have bills to pay, etc.* (pontificate further, o great one, on the yeah buts, please…)

Yes, I understand that.  I am not that far removed from the concept of working for a living.  But I prefer my time to more soulfully spent.  I hate suits, underwear, living by a clock, and getting up early.  All the things necessary to succeed in the corporate world.  I should know, fellow travelers.  I have tried to fit into the traditional path.  But, like Cinderella’s two step-sisters, the glass slipper did not fit.  I was a dismal failure.

I tried working a job with Social Security, but my first day inside under fluorescent lighting, watching the clock creep ever slowly towards five o’clock I had an epiphany.  It was this:  I hate work! To say this was torture is cruel slur to torture itself.  I couldn’t wait to get out of there! When I told my mother I was quitting, I am certain she saw all of her dreams of receiving a bi- weekly stipend while she acted like a hausfrau (she did not have a husband) go up in flames.

“Are you mad?” she sniffed.

Oh, yes.  Yes, completely.  After that, I watched tv, slept, and collected the dole.  Did I mention I was also on psychotropic drugs?  NO!  Well, I was.  And this is what happened to me when my lift (elevator) hit the ground.  By this I mean, when I refused to let myself be its own freaky self, I ended up on meds just to live a life of quiet desperation.

Eventually, I got saved.  A little voice in my head (No, not a psychotic voice!) suggested I move to California (the home of my cosmic brothers, the Red Hot Chili Peppers).  Natch, my family thought I was nuts!  Nothing new.

My grandmum asked, “How will we get your body back if you die?”  She was concerned that I might die in riot or an earthquake. (Really, Gran?)

My mother asked,  “What about your dole cheque?”

Seriously, mum?  I thought.  Okay, I think it has been established that I have your typical mum issues.  Moving on.

My sister wanted to know why I was giving away my cherished possessions without batting an eye.  I need the money, sister dear.

After everyone weighed in.  I felt unsupported, shell-shocked and alone.  I tried to get support from my grandmum, but she laughed in my face when she saw me crying.  (Yet, I’m considered the crazy one!) Seriously, gran?

I wish I were joking about all of this.  However, a part of me being me is the fact that I come from a family only slightly less barmy (English thing again.  Means a bit crazy, nuts, bananas,  complete fruit loops, etc) than the Addams Family.

If you can’t guess, I moved to California faster than it takes the Concorde to cross the Pond.  In Cali, I became the divine, holy fool, blessed freak I was meant to be all along.  A fairie-loving, angel channeling, cowboy hat wearing, urban mystic faerie goddess who adores the colour purple.  A rainbow girl finally in RainbowLand.

And you know what?  I like myself much better now.  I let things go. By this I mean, I stopped grokking with the so-called real world.  I changed my name, address myself in the third person, and stepped into the wild fullness of being the me I choose to be.  And, I must say, it is magickal.  I can’t wait to read the next chapter in my life.  I really don’t know who I am gonna turn up as next.  The third person speaking nut job who doesn’t over-identify with her mind.  The recovering New Ager turned sorcerer.  The Urban Mystic writer, masquerading as a cosmic clown.  Who knows?  That’s the fun part, fellow travelers.  Not knowing which me I’m gonna meet today, tomorrow.

Natch, I get the occasional person who feels it is their duty to inform me of some character flaw I have.  Something like, “You sure do talk alot.”  The subtext being that they don’t like it, and would rather I practiced being a mute.  Or live my life in pantomime.  Or whatever the hell it is they think I should do.  Unsolicited constructive criticism?  Who the f*** cares?

Here’s the thing.  I talk with a purpose.  I tell stories to help guide people to their own inner wisdom.  I listen, too.  I nod my head a lot.

I’d like to leave you with this little raindrop of weirdness, fellow travelers: fly your pirate colours!  Fly your freak flag high!

Like wearing rainbow coloured socks while walking in the rain.  Great!  Do that!  And don’t let anyone else talk you out of it.  Even if they whisper, “Everyone will think you’re mad.”  Let the world think you’re mad.

FYI:  most people in the world aren’t even interested in what you wear, eat, or that you exist.  Only a small amount of people in the world give a toss about your personal choices.  And that is because they have a lot invested in you following their rules and validating their choices.

I implore you to introduce your mind to the concept that it is possible to live in this world while being yourself, and, more importantly, others of a like mind will be attracted to you.  But you have to be flying your colours first.  That’s the first step.

Here’s an action step, my fellow travelers. It begins with a question like all good hero’s journeys.  Riddle me this:  what can you do to fly your freak flag today?

Answer the question, and take action.

Peace & Healing All

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photo credit: piermario

Just recently I awoke to the realisation that I am not the person I thought I was.  I was told by my FOO ( Family Of Origin) that I did not like children ( I was thirteen at the time);  I was hardly warm and fuzzy (in fact, I was an introverted loner who lived through books, did not get kissed, and never even had a boyfriend).  For years, I accepted this as the who that I was.  Never questioned it.  Then one day I am in Shiatsu class when I suddenly realise that not one of my classmates would describe me as an introvert. That was the beginning of me questioning who I really am.

Not that I ask that question every day.  But I have made a point of asking.  At this moment the answer would be different from, say, tomorrow’s moment.  Today, I would say that I don’t think I am really anything.  I think I am an ever-changing being that has no real adjective.  Just because the person that I am has no adjectives does not mean that I don’t have a particular preference for certain word descriptions.  For example, if I were to describe myself to someone else I would say I am a “creative, peace–loving free-spirited urban mystic.”  But I don’t believe that is the sum and grand total of who I am.  Just a preferred description.

But I digress.

A couple of days ago, I contemplated that stories that I have often heard my family repeat.  Here’s at least two of them.

When I was a baby, my grandmother used to give me baths.  She just loved my baby soft skin, and jet black baby fine hair.  One day, she decided to wash my hair with this home remedy her mother used to wash her hair with.  After she washed my hair with it, the story goes, my hair went wild and kinkly (Yeah, you read it right.  Kinkly!  I am making up new words now)  ever after.  My mother seemed to make a point of sharing this story with me whenever she combed, brushed or otherwise styled my hair.  The point being that, while everyone else in the family had “nice, good hair”, I had wild, kinkly, barbed wire hair.

This story was very hurtful and did alot to harm my self esteem.  In fact, up until recently, I repeated the story to myself habitually.  What happened recently?  I am so glad you asked,  fellow traveler.

I was sitting at my computer contemplating the nature of reality (yep, that sounds good!) when it suddenly occurred to me that the so-called “home remedy” my grandmother used to wash my hair had stripped away all the natural oils in my hair, drying it out.

Do you know the impact this had on my belief system and self-esteem?

Well, let me tell you!

I went from believing that there was something fundamentally wrong with me to there’s nothing wrong with me in a matter of nano seconds.  I went from believing a story that was no more true than the fact that I might have green hair, and green hair is bad.

Bbbbut wait!  There’s more!

Not only did I rewrite that self-esteem busting belief;  it had a cascade effect.  It caused me to examine and rewrite other beliefs that relied upon the above belief as a foundation.

Can you say revelation, fellow travelers?   It was one of the early building blocks in what I now know as self-esteem.  But I would not learn that until much later.

I spent too much time trying to get the wrong people to like me.  What do I mean by that?  How do I explain that?  Hmmm.

Let me say this.  A great deal of my life has been spent hearing harsh criticisms and judgments about my physical appearance, personality, and general character.  These assessments were done by friends, family, peers, and, in general, anyone who assumed they possessed a personal connection to me by virtue of the fact the we shared space and breathed the same air the same time.  Such criticism and judgments include:

• you’re too skinny
• your hair is too kinky
• you talk too much
• you are so negative
• you are not very warm or friendly
• your arms and legs are so skinny, they look like kermit the frog’s
• you are so lazy
• why can’t you be like so and so…
• your feet are so big (this coming from my mother whose size nine feet are bigger than mine; she liked to call my feet “clodhoppers”
• and many more

Here’s what I realise now: all these people who found fault with me were not my “right people.”  My “right people” find me perfectly delightful.  In fact, they love me just as I am.  They would not change a thing.  If I want to change something, they are cool with that.  But change is not a prerequisite when it comes to our relationship.  When I realised this, I mourned all the years spent taking people’s criticism at face value.  I mourned the innocent me that listened to them and then attempted to twist myself into a pretzel to conform to their ideas of what is likeable and loveable.

Let me give you an example of this.  I love to talk.  Now I don’t love to talk for the sake of talking.  I talk with a purpose.  And the purpose is this:  I like to discuss ideas and inspirations with, learn from, and teach others.  Particularly in the realm of inner growth, metaphysics, and quantum physics.  I love to share mind-expanding, soul-enriching ideas with people.  Odd that I never thought about this before, but, yes, I have no interest in talking about me, me, me.  For years and years, the way people told it, I was a never-ending word vominator.  I just talked, talked, talked without ceasing.  (People just don’t listen.  And they don’t listen when they would rather you shut your gob so they can open theirs.)

Now based on this new insight, I can now look at the story that “I talk too much” with new eyes.  I can begin the process of rewriting a new core belief that says, “I talk with a purpose.  I am passionate about sharing and learning new ideas from and with people.”  See?  In one short leap I go from self-centred blabbermouth to active-listening speaker with a purpose.  And this new thought, fellow travelers,  inspires divine ideas like, “Talking is a passion for me.  Why don’t I use this gift to help others?”  So now I am attending Toastmasters with the intention of becoming a public speaker/workshop leader extraordinaire.

You’re wondering what “right people” are, right?  I didn’t forget.  “Right people” are the people who resonate and vibrate in harmony with you.  For example, if you are a person who loves monster trucks, your “right people” are other monster truck-loving people.  Anyone who thinks monster trucks are for morons, not your “right people”, okay?  (Don’t give me credit for this idea; I learned it from Havi Brooks at the fluent self dot com.)  What I want for everyone is to have the joy of finding and “hangin’ out with” their “right people.”  Spending time with the wrong people is soul-destroying and boring.  And who wants that?

Oh, dear.  I believe have gone on a bit long, haven’t I?  Well, anyway.  As you can see, core beliefs are the stuff we make ourselves out of.  Not just our reality, but ourselves.  If you do not like the stuff you are made of, you are in charge of changing the material (ie, the story) you are telling yourself and the world.  Once the story changes, reality is not far behind.  And the world is one step closer to healing.

Got that?  Good!   The world is waiting for you.  The world needs your help.

Oh, and always, let your freak flag fly, people!

Peace & Healing All

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