Embracing Your Shadow Self
Posted by Sean Stargazer | Posted in Inner Growth, Inspiration, Motivation, Self-Actualisation | Posted on 28-10-2009
Tags: authenticity, change, Creativity, happiness, Healing, Inner Growth, Inspiration, peace, Self-Actualisation, self-love, transform your mind
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photo credit: Hamed Saber
Nice, easy to get along with, and politically correct of some of the phrases are some of the ways we try to polish off our crazy, wild, fragile edges in favour of something more socially acceptable to others.
Unfortunately, we don’t know, or forget, that the very things others don’t like about us are the seeds of our genius. It’s what makes us who we are.
Personally, I feel that being socially acceptable isn’t any fun. It’s hard denying who you are in favour of some facsimile. Ever tried to stop doing something that annoys someone else but that you love to do in order to keep the infamous peace?
I do. And my attempts usually ran out of mojo faster than it takes a Concorde to cross the Atlantic.
Sideways:
I love to talk. I love conversation. Throughout my life, I have always had people, who thought they meant well, informing me that I talk far too much for them. Of course, I would feel bad after this constructive criticism; and I would do my best to talk less. Naturally, this didn’t last long.
Why?
Because verbal communication was very important to me at that time. I don’t know of any other way to communicate my needs, wants, and expectations in my relationship with others without speech being involved. Interpretive dance just doesn’t work for me!
Full-tilt:
Everyone has shared their opinion about who are, what you’re good at, and what you’re not good at. These well-meaning people, whom include your family, friends, teachers, counselors, and colleges, have conditioned you to believe that they have a better idea of who you are and what you’re capable of. This is done through the grading system in schools; the three month evaluation period in most jobs. We have come to believe, that maybe others know us better than we do. That their external view of us is more accurate than our inside view.
Here’s the riff:
It isn’t. Denying all the less attractive aspects of ourselves in favour of the more attractive isn’t the answer. All that occurs is the nagging sense that you are driving in circles. You may start feeling resentful, put upon without knowing why.
Having a shadow side isn’t a bad thing, fellow travelers. As a matter of fact, embracing your dark side is key to your genius. Your dark side is the centre of your contradictions.
How? you may ask.
First of all, if you are an enthusiastic person, your enthusiasm could be a blessing in one situation, and a curse in another. Example, your enthusiastic side could be useful when leading a creative team and keeping them motivated; it’s a curse if your enthusiasm leads you to interrupt people when they are talking.
Same trait. Different circumstances.
It’s time to start looking ourselves wholistically (yes, I changed the spelling of the word). Instead of focusing on our positive aspects to the exclusion of all other parts of ourselves, it’s wise to look at the whole.
Another example:
The trait of stubbornness is often considered to be negative. However, in certain circumstances, it can be a good thing. Perseverance is linked to stubbornness. It requires you to keeping moving forward in the face of (sometimes) overwhelming odds; it focuses your attention on the outcome or the short-term tasks at hand even when conventional wisdom contradicts what you know in your heart.
Need a more discriptive example?
Let’s say that you have decided to change careers. You have a good job paying you very well with benefits. You have all of the trappings of success (the cars, the home, the abundant bank account), but you feel that something is missing. So, after some soul searching, you decide to go back to school to become an acupuncturist. All of your friends and family think you’re insane and they tell you so. But you choose to follow your heart, go back to school, get your degree, and open your own private practice.
You persevered, and yet you stubbornly chose to ignore what others told you in favour of what your spirit has told you. In this case, to create your vision, you needed to embrace a socially acceptable hidden and disowned part of yourself to motivate yourself into action.
This holds true for alot of so-called “negative” traits.
This can be a challenge at first if you are in the habit of denying these shadow parts of yourself. If you choose to work past your initial discomfort, you will find yourself experiencing a freedom, an awareness, you wouldn’t have discovered had you not been courageous enough to explore the wild, the crazy, the icky within you.
What wild, crazy, icky parts have you hidden? And how have they provided new possibilities for you?
Look deeper. You might be surprised at what you find.
Let me know what you discover in the comments.
Peace & Healing All
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