the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: Joel Bedford

I have always wanted to meditate.  I read many self-help books that suggest meditation as part of everyone’s spiritual practice.  However, my attempts to sit still whilst thinking nothing proved to futile.  I could no more get my mind to shut up than I could shepard a herd of cats.  Frustrated with my lack of progress, I stopped.  Until I heard of a new meditation programme that promised I could meditate like a  zen monk

Huh?  And how, exactly, was I going to do that?  I couldn’t get my mind to sit still; it was as restless as a four-year old child on a sugar high.  How was I going to achieve that impossible goal?

Enter Holosync

In late 2008, I found Holosync.  I read and read the website at least seven times before I ordered the free demo.  I was impressed enough with the demo to order the first programme in the Holosync series, Awakening Prologue.  The Holosync programme uses binural beats to slow down the brainwaves to the Alpha levels where, it’s believed, that the mind is in a more resourceful and relaxed state.  Free of the clutter and shatter of the wakening state; aka, the Beta level.

And, I’ve got to say, that I am loving it.

First of all, my busy bee of a mind can buzz all over the place without me resisting it, and I still feel myself gradually relaxing to the point that I feel my mind let go.  Brilliant!  And wicked, besides!

That was about 2 years ago, and I have progressed to the next level, Awakening Level One.  Which is also wonderful!

However, I am not writing this post as an endorsement for Holosync.  Because I believe that Holosync is not for everyone.  Any more than any other system of meditation is for everyone.

Whether you choose to work in your garden, take walks on the beach, surf in the early morning hours, or just take a walkabout round the neighbourhood.  Meditation takes as many forms as there are people populating the Earth.

Please do not feel the need to force yourself to sit in the lotus position for hours while chanting some mantra, if you don’t feel any joy at all doing it.  Meditation is supposed to be restful.  And if you are not feeling relaxed and peaceful then you are practicing a form of meditation that’s not for you.  I encourage you to cease and desist right now, if you like.  Explore and discover other form that might appeal to you more.  Transcendental Meditation, Holosync, Mindfulness meditation, or Japa meditation (a form of mantra-based mediation) are all great starting points.

You can even tool about in your garage, fixing things if it quiets your mind and lets you hear the voice of your spirit, intuition, or Inner Authority.  Or whatever you desire to call it.

The point is, that meditation has many wellness benefits that are helpful on all levels from the physical to the spiritual.

7 Reasons to Meditate

1. Decreases the negative effects of stress. In a University of Massachusetts study, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D recorded the brain waves of  employees of a Madison, Wisconsin high tech firm.  These employees were highly stressed.  The employees were split randomly into two groups with 25 of them being trained to meditate for eight weeks.  Whilst the other group of 16 were left alone as the control group.  The participants had their brains scanned three time during the experiment; in the beginning of the study, at the eight week mark (the end of the study), and four months after that.  The researchers discovered that the mediators were calmer and happier.  (Psychology Today, April 2003, Colin Allen).
2. Leads to greater physical relaxation. Did you know that when you are in a state of enhanced stress all of the blood in the body tend to flow towards the arms, legs, heart and lungs; whilst a bit less to the digestive system? This is because the body believes there is danger, and you need to run away when in danger.
3. Decreases muscle tension. A reduction in muscle tension means more blood and oxygen flow to the muscles, making them more relaxed.  And creating a happier body experiencing less pain due to muscle tightness.  And when the muscles relax so do the joints, ligaments, and bones.
   
4. Lowers heart rate. Meditation slows down the brain waves Alpha (the relaxed brain waves) from Beta (the more stress-inducing waves, depending on how high the Beta waves are).  Lower heart rates (in healthy people) can result in less adrenaline and cortisone hormones in the blood stream.  With less of these hormones in the system, you don’t over eat to medicate yourself.  Or run down your immune system.  And a lower heart rate (in healthy people) can be beneficial to the cardiovascular system; for example, an athlete in peak physical condition (such as Lance Armstrong) can have a resting heart rate of 47 beats per minute.  This is helpful because it means that the heart doesn’t have to work so hard to circulate blood, nutrients, and oxygen to the body.
   
5. Gives your immune system a boost. The immune system get repressed sometimes when we maintain overly stressful states of being for long periods of time.  This sometimes the reason why you might be prone to catch a cold more easily when you are experiencing more stress.
   
6. Produces beneficial changes in brain activity, harmonising the endocrine and nervous systems. This is because the brain switches over from the busy right frontal cortex to the calmer left frontal cortex resulting in calmer and happier brains and emotional states.  When you are relaxed and calm, your body’s systems tend to work more in harmony than in more stress-inducing states.
   
7. Increases creativity, focus, and concentration. Have you ever been fixing a car, planting in a garden, walking along the beach or your neighbourhood and noticed all the really wicked ideas that occur to you during these times?  While the mind is occupied consciously doing another activity, your subconscious mind gets a chance to come out, talk to you and play.

10 Minutes Per Day to Increased Creativity, Focus, and Concentration, etc..

As you can see, you don’t have to retreat to a Buddhist monastery and devote 30 years of your life to the solitary pursuit of enlightenment while meditating facing a bare wall.  You can just go to your garden or other sacred place (even if it’s your favourite meditation chair) and reap the benefits of meditation.

It only takes about 10 minutes per day to enjoy increased creativity, focus, and concentration.  You’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain by taking the first step.

Start right where you are.  Go out in the garden.  Go to the beach.  Get out in nature and take a walk.  Let your mind clear.  And I’ll see you right back here to tell me what you got out of meditating.

Let me know about your meditating experiences in the comments.

Vibelicious comments: Be excellent to each other.  Only kind and respectful comments are welcome.

Related Posts:

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photo credit: h.koppdelaney

One of the themes that repeatedly comes up in my life these days, or more honestly, these years is the concept of giving my power away.  Instead of focussing on my intentions, I allow my attention to be pulled away by all the excuses reasons why I can’t succeed.  Now these reasons seem perfectly logical to me; as your reasons for not goingafter what you want are to you.

Typically, there are several places where most people tend to give their power away.

Relationships

For example, let’s say you are looking to find the love of your life.  However, you have certain prerequisites you feel you must do before true love can be yours.  You might decide that you need to lose ten pounds so that you are attractive enough to deserve your beloved’s love.  Or you may decide that you absolutely must have a certain amount of money in the bank so that you’re worthy of receiving love.

These reasons, these prerequisites, are not written in stone anywhere on plant earth.  And yet we all like to pretend that they are.  Take a look around at your reality, and you will see heavy-set people who are happily married or in a relationship.  Look some more and you will see that there are people who don’t have x amount of dollars in the bank who have loving relationships.

What’s the real reason for the prerequisite (which are actually just excuses not to act)?

Fear.  Our old frenemy.

What are we all waiting for?

We are waiting for the day when we have a surplus of courage, time, and the appropriate circumstances to move forward.  In short, we are waiting for the stars to align and the Universe itsself to ordain our dreams, visions, and goals as worthy.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Because we sometimes labour under the delusion that our dreams, visions, and goals are small and silly in comparison to the problems the world is facing.  But here is the caveat:  the world is always facing problems! It had problems in the past, does so now, and will continue to do so in the future.  If we are waiting for the moment when the world is calm and peaceful to go after what we want, then we will be waiting a long time.  And I, quite frankly, do not intend to wait that long!

Guess what?

The world’s problems are not your fault. And will not change just because you, or me, or the guy in the purple socks who stands on the corner talking to pidgeons, decides not to opt-in for happiness in this moment.  Now I’m not advocating blantant sybaritism (people who party like it’s the end of the world without considering the consequences), or consumerism.  I am advocating happiness right now.

How many of us could use some more happiness?

Work/Career

How many of us choose to stay in jobs or careers that we either hate or are bored of? We do it because our logic tells us that we need this job to make money, pay our bills, and buy things we really want.  I’m not against jobs per se.  What I am not for is taking a job that makes you sick and/or tired.  Literally.  And I’m especially not for doing it until I retire (and then after that, I have to eat cat food and peanut butter whilest cradling any feelings of regret about the chances and choices I could have made in the direction of my dreams.)

Not worth it.  Life is a grand adventure.  Every moment is an opportunity to make a wise choice in favour of our vision.

Social Life

Let’s say for example that you desire an active social life in which you go out at least twice a week (or eight times per month).  Instead of flowing your energy in this direction, you choose to cling to old, disempowering relationships with people whom you’ve been mates with for years.  You have not been close to these people in years yet you feel the need to hang about with these people, making conversation about subjects and issues that bore you practically to death (figuratively speaking).

Whilst it’s not easy to step out into new territory or be alone for a period of time; sometimes we forget that it’s not kind to pretend that we are more emotionally invested in a relationship than we really are.  And it’s uncomfortable to meet new people or be alone; so much so that most people will go to great lengths to avoid either circumstance.

Remember that as human we are all entitled to experience happiness in whatever ways allow us to be our best selves.  The good of all is best served by everyone creating the selves and the lives that bring out our best selves/spirits.

Is this easy?  No, it’s not.  But the effort made is ultimately worth it.

So, to here are some ways to help you take your power back.

6 Ways to Take Your Power Back

1. Stop making excuses. It’s your life.  You make the rules, set the curriculum, and make the decisions.  If you have a job that is unfulfilling, it’s because you have made the choice to be in such a job.  Now you can make a different choice and leave.  Now.
2. Be more mindful of your thoughts. What are you telling yourself?  Most of us have stories we have been telling ourselves since childhood.  Most of these stories are fear-based stories that put us in the uncomfortable position of helpless victim of fate to whom life happens.  Time to change the channel, and get a new story where you are the resourceful hero in charge of your own destiny.  Pay attention to what you think.  Don’t judge it or criticise it.  Just notice what your mind is doing, and you will have a good representation of the building blocks you are using to create your world.
3. Shift your consciousness. It’s time to claim the power that is rightfully yours.  The power to decide how you life is going to look, and how you are going to feel about it.  Only you can shift your perspective enough to cause a shift in your perceptions.  Let me introduce your mind to this thought:  It’s okay for you to choose your happiness whilst others are unhappy. Let them live their lives, and you live yours.  Besides, there is nothing you can do about the happiness of others anyway so why even put your energy there.
   
4. Spend time with empowering people. Just because someone shares a bloodline or oxygen supply with you doesn’t entitle them to rip you to shreds emotionally and verbally.  You want to be around like-minded people instead of giving your energy to disempowering relationships.    Release the need to win the approval and permission of others to live your best life and be your best self.  They might not ever give you either, and life is dark, joyless, and painful without passion and joy in life.  Underline this in your mind:  you might have to let go of those who aren’t interested in being supportive. Doesn’t mean you or they are bad people.  You’ve just grown apart is all.
   
5. Feed your energy into your desires. If you want to start your own business, go network with other business owners.  Read books and blogs on enterpreneurships/isms.  Find a role model and/or mentor who has done what you intend to do, and get tips on how to succeed.  This is just one example, but the same ideas still apply if you chose to be a writer, actress, or musician.
   
6. Work through your resistance (s). Resistance can take many forms.  It can come in the form of your friends, family, and colleagues at work calling you crazy when you tell them of your visionline (yep, just made up a word) to move to a small beach town in Mexico and start your own adventure company.  Or they giggle behind their hands and roll their eyes when you confide to them that you are seriously considering leaving your decent job with the good benefits to go on the road with your acoustic guitar as a full-time touring musician.   So what?  You don’t need anyone’s permission to be who you are.  Or to want what you want.  Just take small steps each day (nothing too overwhelming) in the direction of your self-ordained destiny.  Let the rest of the world catch up with you if it wants to.

After all, it’s easier to beg for forgiveness later than it is to painfully ask for permission now.  As I’ve stated already, no one can give you permission.  No matter now much they may believe, hope, or wish that they have the power to do so.

Now I give the spotlight back to you.  In which area of your life are you most likely to give your power/energy away to an excuse and/or person.  Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Peace, fellow travelers!

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photo credit: r-z

I was over at Summer Plum’s blog having a look around, and generally being as inquisitive as possible.  I happened upon a post called the Rules (have a look if you like).  This got me thinking about all the rules I have followed…that we all have followed.  And I thought, ‘That’s bloody good idea!’  Couldn’t I make up my own rules for living?

Summer’s rules are about happiness.  My rules are about freedom.

Trap me into rigid thinking or situations, and I am guaranteed to run off screaming.

However, Summer has a mantra she uses that goes like this, Be what makes you happy.  I’ve decided to adopt this mantra until I come up with my own guiding mantra because I think it applies to my 2010 adventure; it’s all about freedom, baby.  The big F.

The Stargazer’s Rules of Freedom

1. Speak your truth. No sense in pretending you think, feel, or believe something you don’t.  All that creates is a sour stomach and sour feelings.
2. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Laugh if you wanna laugh.  Or as Chris Cornell sang in Soundgarden’s, Get Off My Wave, cry if you wanna cry.  Amen to that!
3. Make mistakes. Mistakes are not the end of the world; you can survive them and grow!
4. Make space for yourself. It’s not always necessary to fill every moment of your days with activities and people.  Sometimes you need to create space for yourself so you can hear your intuition/inner voice telling you the visions of your soul.
5. Practice gratitude. The operative word here is practice.  You don’t have to do it perfectly every day for the rest of your life.  You simply turn up, and give the best that you’ve got.  Granted, sometimes that will be alot less than you hoped for.  But that’s okay!  Just turning up is most important.  It’s the intent that counts.
6. Release the need to be perfect. Perfection is rather like looking for the Holy Grail; it’s a lifetime quest (as Sir Perceval discovered) Release the need to associate being a good person with being perfect.  It’s possible to be a good person who is in the trenches each day, practicing the business of healing, peace, and love.
7. Live from your spirit. In my experience, my mini-me (my conscious mind) is more interested in conformity, safety and security than in fun, magick and adventure because the latter three look dangerous to it.  However, as a newly minted renegade with a purpose, I understand and believe that a little discomfort can open up doors (and windows) of opportunity that I might have missed if I was “playing it safe.”
8. Embrace your renegade. Live out loud.  Be uncompromisingly you.  And be at peace with the fact that “those who mind, don’t matter; and those who matter, don’t mind.” (I forgot who said this.)  Not everyone is going to get on board with your new intention to be daring, bold, courageous, risk-taking, and wild.  That’s okay!  They can watch from a distance on the sidelines if they prefer.

What are yours?

Vibelicous comments:  Be excellent to each other.

Rude, mean comments will be deleted without exception.

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photo credit: Eustaquio Santimano

In my experience, one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do is to see myself as I really and for whom I really am.  I have been visualising myself as my ideal self for so long I actually feel lost without this potent tool guiding me.

This morning while watching an infomercial, promising parents better tools to parent their children; I began to ask myself this question:

• What would happen if I let go of my ideal version of myself, what would my life look like?

• What freedom would I enjoy?

Now I am still in the beginning stages of exploring these questions.  However, I feel that these questions could be the key to freeing myself from limitation.

Why?

Because as long as I am comparing myself to some fictional, yet idealised version of myself, I am not accepting myself as I am and for whom I am.  And that feels awful.  As long as I try to live up to herculean expectations, I remain unaware of what is really important to me and what I really want.

I get to mentally torture myself in fine pointy ways as well.  I draw an odd yet unhealthy comfort in trying to be Ms. Perfect Person, and failing and torturing myself some more.

So, how can we let go of our perfect selves, and embrace who we are?

I have found it helpful to accept my mistakes, my flaws, my quirks in all.  For example, I am not a nice person.  Whatever a nice person is, I know I am as far away from that ideal as it is possible to be on this earth.  If there is a nice person planet all nice people go to when I am sleeping or daydreaming, I know I will never visit this planet.

And the reason is:  I don’t want to be a nice person.  To me, a nice person is someone whom others walk on.  Someone who does what others want whilst ignoring what’s best for themselves.  Nice people usually end up angry and resentful about all that they have done for others and feel bitter than no one saw fit to do the same for them.

Why do I believe this?

I was taught this by my Gran, a woman I love and respect.  She was a nice person.  Always doing her best to help others whilst sacrificing what might be best for her.  An example of this comes from my early childhood.  My Mum was going out with a man who was physically, verbally, and mentally abrusive.  My Gran tried to get on with this man for my Mum’s sake; to be nice.  She even loaned the man money to move into his own flat when his behaviour led him to attack my sister whilst she was holding my baby niece in her arms.

Now being a nice person isn’t a bad thing.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help your friends and loved ones when you feel the need to.  It’s a problem when niceness gets in the way of you being you.  Let me illustrate my point further using the childhood story I shared with you.

What’s authentic to my Gran: seeing to it that my family was safe from a toxic influence (my Mum’s boyfriend).  What’s inauthentic: pretending to like  a person she would cheerfully have run over if he’d been standing in the middle of the road.  I know she would have loved to have done away with the fellow; she told us she had dreams about his death all the time.  And she would be smiling happily when she contemplated the earth without his shadow upon it.

That’s my Gran’s Ms. Perfect Person.  Helping people she didn’t like.

Mine is: feeling like I need to agree with other people’s points of view in order to be liked.  This did not work as well as I would have liked.

Letting Go of the Need to Be Perfect

I know what you all are thinking.  Let go of the need to be perfect?  How the bloody hell do I do that?

Okay.  This is not going to be easy.  Or comfortable.  I need to say that right now.  Some changes that are deeply ingrained in us can be a challenge to relinquish.  This is no exception.  Believe me, I am still trying.

The Tao of letting go is like this:

Step One: Accept that you are not perfect. And probably never will be.  And that’s okay.  The point isn’t to live up to some idealised version of yourself, it’s to explore more deeply who you really are.  Whomever that might be now.

Step Two: Let it be okay that you have made mistakes. You have made mistakes.  So have I.  Let’s all get together and love ourselves anyway.  Mistakes are necessary parts of the growth process that the spirit enjoys experiencing.  You don’t have to like your mistakes.  Or feel positive about them.  Scream, cry, howl at your mistakes.

Go ahead.  I’ll wait.

Dum-de-dum-de-dum…

Great!  Now say this with me:

Mistakes are not the end of the world!  I will survive if I make a mistake.

And you will.  You have made many mistakes in the past and you are still numbered amongst the living.  We can now safely assume that the trend will continue.  Unless, of course, you make the mistake of launching a rocket to the sun with the intention of setting up a colony there.  That might be a costly mistake.

But most other mistakes can be lived down quite nicely without too many scapes and bruises.

What does this have to do with letting go of Mr./Ms.  Perfect Person?

Glad you asked!

When you accept yourself warts, shadows and all, including your mistakes you open up the door (or window, if you prefer) to let go of the need to criticise, judge, or belittle yourself into being your ideal self.  And that leads to loving yourself right where you are.  Not in some distant future when you have achieved perfection.  Cuz that may never happen.

Why wait that long?  Do you intend to live forever?  I don’t.  Whilst I am here I intend to live my life to the fullest with plenty of magick, fun and adventure.

Vibelicious comments:

How about you?  Are you ready to let go of your Mr./Ms. Perfect Person?  If not, what is holding you back?

Remember kind, compassionate comments are always welcome.  Rude, mean comments aren’t and will be deleted.

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• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone
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photo credit: joiseyshowaa)

Have you seen Leo Babauta’s ( of Zen Habits) new site, 6 changes?

6 changes is an excellent solution to the challenge of new year’s resolutions that don’t happen.

Leo suggests picking 6 habits you like to change in the coming year, and devoting eight week timeblocks to building each habit.  This gives you two months build a new habit so that at the end of the year, you have made progress on your yearly intentions.

Test Driving 6 Changes in 2010

I have some habits I’d like to adopt in order to move myself up to the level of living I feel would be best for me to live the life I want to live.  I’m looking forward to seeing if Leo’s philosophy for change can help me.

Wanna join me?

• Begin a vegetarian lifestyle, eating 75% raw and whole food.
• Learn photography.
• Start a four-piece rock  n’ soul band.
• Write my second e-book.
• Start a Pilates and/or yoga practice at least three times a week.
• Support myself in a full-time private practice as a therapeutic massage therapist/bodyworker, hypnotherapist, and energy healer.

Wow!  These look like big changes to make in the span of one year, but Leo suggests focusing less on the end point and more on the small details that make up the outcome.  Besides, focusing on the outcome in twelve months feels overwhelming to me.  Better to focus my attention in two month increments, and let the outcome take care of itsself.

6 Changes I Made in 2009

• I moved to Santa Monica, CA
• Changed jobs.
• Wrote my first e-book.
• Create this website.
• Became a state of CA certified Massage Therapist/Bodyworker
• Got my CA driver’s license.

I won’t pretend to anyone that these changes were easy, but they impacted my life in significant and positive ways.  I wouldn’t go back and change a moment of that journey no matter how challenging things might have looked at the time.

Now it’s your turn.  What 6 changes would you like to make in 2010? Feel free to leave your answers in the comments.

Vibelicious Comments: Be excellent to each other.  Rude and/or mean comments will be deleted.

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photo credit: seanmcgrath

As I was riding the bus this morning, lost in thought, I suddenly remembered a picture I had seen once called Snake Eyes (with Nicolas Cage); it’s the oft-told story of a corrupt cop who has a change of heart once he becomes entangled in a conspiracy to commit murder.

I was reminded that, at the end of the film, Cage’s character’s life into ruin despite the fact that he had chosen to do the right thing.

The correlation I made to my own spiritual journey through life was that, more often than not, when we change even a little bit of ourselves our lives usually will look like a mess to us and to everyone around us.

It’s virtually impossible to keep your reality the same while changing yourself. I have made hundreds of futile attempts to do so. All of them have been in vain. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reach for new possibilities and hold on to what we have for dear life.

So what can we do?

Surrender.

I define surrender as remaining present with your feelings and emotions in the present.  Right where you are now.  It is a process, not a destination.  It’s allowing what going on inside you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to okay without the need to judge whether your feelings, thoughts, actions are socially appropriate to others.

Is this easy?  Of course not.  Surrendering to the present isn’t easy at all.  Each and every day I choose to work on it.  I never surrender perfectly (if such a thing is possible).  And that isn’t important anyway.

What is important is allowing yourself to feel what you feel in the moment regardless of whether or not you, or others around you, like it.

Once you are able to be where you are when you are, you open yourself up to becoming more mindful; with mindfulness comes the ability to let go of things that no longer work, and move forwards towards things that are good for you.

Here are a few tips for surrendering to the now:

1). Get out in to nature. Being able to opt-out of your current reality for even a few minutes a day could help you de-stress enough to think more clearly.

2). Have fun. Every once in a while, step off the treadmill that is reality, and have some fun.  See a funny film.  Have a giggle with friends.  Do something you enjoy for at least ten minutes a day.

3). Be with people you love. If you are going to spend eight hours plus a day with people you really have no connection with, it’s important to balance that with time spent with people you do have a connection with.

4). Don’t take reality or yourself so seriously. This is a difficult one to do consistently.  I admit that I have challenges with this.  Sometimes I am just too angry or hurt to laugh.  Or sometimes I find myself buying into the illusion that I am a helpless victim of life, and must accept what little I get and be grateful for it.  Such perceptions can be grim indeed.  But remembering that nothing is permanent in this world keeps me from sinking into a morass of self-pity.

With the suggestions above, I can go with the flow more.  Be open.  And allow the Creative Force and time to work with me and for me.  Instead of against me.  I have the freedom to surrender, knowing that tomorrow brings with it the opportunity for new choices, new possibilities that did not exist before.  That is something that both and inspires and motivates me to keep trudging forward even when things appear bleak or scary.

How about you?

What changes have you resisted?  And what occurred when you allowed yourself to surrender and “go with the flow?” How do your reality change afterward?

Feel free to share your insights.

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

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photo credit: OakleyOriginals

“This one question – ‘What do I know for certain?’ – is tremendously powerful. When you look deeply into this question, it actually destroys your world. It destroys your whole sense of self, and it’s meant to. You come to see that everything you think you know about yourself, everything you think you know about the world, is based on assumptions, beliefs and opinions – things you believe because you were taught or told that they were true. Until we start to see these false perceptions for what they really are, consciousness will be imprisoned within the dream state.” Adyashanti, The End of Your World

It was on one of those self-reflective days on my daily walking meditation that it suddenly occurred to me that I have no definitions for success and authenticity and spirituality that were self-defined.

And it was causing me alot of pain and suffering.

I realised, as I revisited my past selves in my mind, that I often allowed the definitions and judgements of others define me, my level of success, and level of authenticity; whether it be family, friends, or other peers.  In fact, it never occurred to me to question what success, authenticity and spirituality meant to me.  I was too busy looking at the externals in every situation.  And coming up short in my estimation.

Also, I don’t know anything for certain about me, or my point of view.  I never took the time to self-reflect to the level that I do now.  I preferred to make others responsible for me self-esteem, my past and current choices, and current place in life.  It was quite frightening, honestly.

All of this happened because I wasn’t particularly curious about me.  Perhaps I was afraid of what I might discover.  Or, more truthfully, I thought I knew what sort of person I was.  And I saw no reason for further exploration.  I believed I was being self-accepting.

Then something within me changed.  I attended hypnotherapy school, and became quite fascinated with how I saw the world.  I wondered how I formed my perceptions and beliefs in the first place.  And my journey did not lead me back to my family, friends, or peers.  It lead me straight back to me; the originator and instigator in my life story.

Sideways:

The first inkling I had (this was before hypnotherapy school)  that I was the one in control of my mind, emotions, and life was while I was dining at my favourite thai/vegan restaurant on my lunch hour.  I had always defined myself as an independent loner type who had few friends because I wouldn’t let others close to me.

However, was this the truth?  Or a story I told myself?

Answer: it was a story.

I believed that I was powerless to change the story because this was just who I was.

That is, until the small still voice within me weighed in on the internal dialogue.  It was you who created the story, and the labels you come to know yourself by, it whispered, and you are the only one who can change them.  No one else.

This knocked me sideways.  I was responsible for causing myself pain.  Not my mum, my family, my past lovers and friends.  You mean it was me all along?  And it wasn’t written in stone, as I had believed, I could change it at any time?

I wish I could say the journey was always pleasant, filled with joy.  But it isn’t.  I wish I could say that the journey is over and I have landed in Enlightenment-ville; a place where enlightened souls live.  But I didn’t.  In fact, as of this writing, I am still learning about myself.  Every day, I question assumptions I have made about me and my place in the world.

Full tilt:

It wasn’t until I attended hypnotherapy school (hypnosis is a wonderful tool that allows people to understand well what their beliefs are, how they are formed, and if they serve them in any way) that I got very curious about me.  Instead of assuming that I knew all I needed to know about me, I began to question my assumptions.

I believe it’s not always possible to know for certain about anyone, including myself.  But what I do know about me is that I enjoy the process of discovering all about me.

Discovering about yourself is rather like building a house.  You have to first start with the foundations.  Core beliefs are those foundations formed in the early childhood.  An unexamined belief is like a flu virus; it can be dangerous to you if left unchecked.  Getting curious about yourself is like a antidote.

Here’s a question or two or three to get you started on your very own Get-Curious-About-You Journey:

• Who were you before the world decided who you were? Everyone of us had hopes and dreams that we may have innocently shared with our families with all of the awe and wonder of a child.  Only to have those desires wrested from our grasp by people who believed they knew how the world worked.  Here is your chance to reclaim those lost hopes and dreams.
• What dreams and hopes did you have as a child? And what made you give them up?  Did you grow and change in unexpected ways?  Or did you decide that you were being unrealistic?
• What was the characteristics that those around you most noticed? Were you shy, quiet, the showstopping extrovert?  I believe these labels are keys to sorting out who you really are and, even better,  who you want to be.

This journey begins with you.  You are the creator, the architect, the engineer of your beliefs, point of view, and dreams.  Isn’t it time that you become acquainted with you so you can make wiser choices that are in integrity with who you desire to become?

When you get curious about you, you throw off the shackles of externally defined limitations.  You can then become more open to the opportunities that are presenting themselves to you now instead of making choices based on your history.

Knowledge may not always be power, but it can be a helpful tool in getting unstuck and navigating change.

Enough from me.  It’s your turn.  Share your thoughts.

Peace & Healing, Fellow Travelers

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Gift of Anger
• How Our Stories Create Our Realities
• The Passion Test

photo credit: brendan.lally.

I’m always amazed when Halloween comes round.  It seems as if the year has just begun with all its promises and possibility intact.

Yes, I know that the New Year is observed in January.  However, the New Year I am observing is the pagan one.  At this time of the year, I begin looking forward to what new harvests I would like to plant;  at the same time, I begin the liberating, but sometimes uncomfortable, process of uncluttering my life and finishing up old projects.

I always look forward with alot of excitement like a child anticipating all the Christmas gifts s/he will be getting.  So without further ado, here’s my list of the five creative things for the new year.

Sideways, before I give you the list, let me give you my one and only guideline: 1). creative things can be big or small; the only person they have to satisfy is you.

Why 5?  Five seems manageable to me; prevents too much overthinking and hyper-analysing amd free us up to just declare our desires.  And eventually take action towards them.

Okay, moving onward…

My 5  Creative Things List

1). learn to ride a bike.  This has been a subject of shame for me since I was twelve and just couldn’t learn to balance on a bicycle properly.

2). learn to draw.  I would love to draw anything, and expand beyond the limits of the belief that says I can’t draw and can’t ever learn to draw.

3). learn to play blues guitar.  I love music and the blues is the foundation for practically every form of music in the Western world.

4). learn to skateboard.  This one would allow me to get over my fears of physically being hurt, and allow me to embrace my inner daredevil!  Besides, skate boarding is really cool to me.

5). get my first tattoo.  My idea is to get one of the Tibetan Om symbol.  I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but was afraid to get one  due to finances and pain.  But since I am a certified hypnotherapist, I’ve sorted out that I can simply numb the area with hypnosis.

Now you.  What 5 creative things would you be excited to accomplish?

Feel free to leave your answers in the comments section below.

Until next time, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing

Related Posts:

• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill
• How Our Stories Create Our Realities

photo credit: cordeman

In the New Age community, much has been made of the ability to turn negative emotions like anger into more positive emotions.  The point of this exercise is to make us more magnetic to what we really want so we stop attracting and manifesting negative experiences.

I was once a Law of Attraction believer.  I believed if I were to feel only positive feelings and thought positive thoughts then I would avoid all of the chaos and oops situations in my life.  After all, everyone knows if you just avoid negative feelings you will have positive experiences.

All this did for me was create feelings of guilt which led me to try harder to think and feel positive; this led me to feel frustrated which led to more feelings of guilt.  And finally to anger.  It was a never-ending vicious cycle.

Let me tell you a story to illustrate my point.

I have had a strained relationship with my mum since I was a teenager.  We are not close.  The reason being that I had alot of feelings of resentment towards her; anger towards myself for not living up to my high expectations that I could just forgive and then forget the poor choices she made in my childhood that put me and my siblings in danger; all this was done for the sake of her own personal gain.  As I said, I had a wellspring of resentment built up because I spent years denying the fact that I was angry.

Why?

Because I felt like a bad person; I believed that I had no right to be angry with her because she’s my mum.  I guess I thought it was wrong to be angry at your mum.

As long as I denied my anger, and believed I had no right to my feelings; the more resentful I became.  Then one day I met a rather indifferent psychiatrist who told me that feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just are.  Just like that.

It started me thinking.  It wasn’t wrong to feel anger towards my mum at all.  It was wrong to pretend I wasn’t feeling what I was feeling.  Once I admited that, yes, I am angry at her; and, yes I my anger is justified.  I allowed myself the gift of embracing my feelings and healing simultaneously.

The point is this: not all anger is self-destructive.  Sometimes anger is an indicator that can lead to growth and healing.  If you’re willing to face your anger head on, be present with it by admitting it to yourself; then working through it with a therapist or with physical activity like hitting a pillow, screaming, kickboxing or whatever, you may experience a period that feels like a walk through total darkness but you will come out of the dark a more compassionate and whole person.

The world could use more compassionate and whole people.

So…

Are you harbouring any anger within you?  At whom or what?

Now that you have this information, allow yourself to feel the tsunami of emotion completely.  Do what you need to do to make it easier on yourself.  Scream, punch a pillow, go running, for example.  Admit that you’re angry.

Go ahead; I’ll wait.

Okay.  Feel better?

Here’s a little dewdrop of wisdom I’ve learned in my self-actualisation journey: The world won’t end because you’ve gotten upset.  Trust me.  I have gotten angry many times with people and situations, and the world is still here today. I believe you will have a similar experience.

Anger is only toxic or poisonous when it is allowed to fester for too long.  The key is to admit you’re angry,  feel your anger, express it, move it out of you by moving your body.

Is this always easy?  No, it’s can be challenging sometimes.  But when you follow or adapt the journey mentioned, you have an excellent chance of experiencing the healing that its a natural outcome.

Everyone deserves healing.  Don’t you?

What I want you to keep in mind: being angry is okay.  Holding it in or denying it isn’t.  And  anger can  clear the path to wisdom and clarity.  Who couldn’t use more those?

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

• the Blessing of Uniqueness
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year

photo credit: inottawa

It occurred to me yesterday after reading a particularly powerful post by Danielle LaPorte at WhiteHotTruth.com (read it here), that I have always been ashamed by how I want to feel about my visions.  I have mucked-up many a wonderful vision with self destructive stories.  Problem was, I believed these stories.

Okay. Pause.

Here’s a story. Yay!

I am a musician, and my greatest dream was to be a rock star with the tour buses, adoring fans, number one songs, the works.  I want fame and fortune.  And I wanted them larger than life.

Why?

Beacause I wanted to feel special.  Celebrities are treated special; they get gifts when they go to the oscars; people queue up ten deep to take their picture; people ask for the autograph; others hang on to their every word.

My first mistake was reading the new age books that implied that wanting to feel special or be treated special meant that I was an unevolved lemming who obviously doesn’t know what’s truly important.  What’s important is that we are all the same on a spiritual level (sayeth the New Age gurus); and, therefore, we should all strive to be equal (the same) on this plane of existence, too. Anyone who sees themselves as special is clearly a negative influence and should be stoned (okay, I’m making up the last part) for furthering the illusion of isolation and separation.

Whew!

So who wants to be a bad person?  Not me!

Back to the present.  Here’s the fire starting questions that began my current healing journey.

Is it wrong to feel a certain way?  If so, says who?  More to the point, how can I begin to be okay with wanting to feel a certain way and see where that takes me?

Is it wrong to want to feel special? I ask myself.  A better question would be: what would make me feel special?

First of all, when I answer that question, what comes to mind is that 1). people who listen to me because I am an expert, 2). I would be centre stage at events and workshops, 3). I’d be paid very well by clients who value what I do, 4). I’d also have the freedom to do what I love without compromise or apology.

I’m tired of feeling guilty for wanting to feel a certain way.  I want to give myself the freedom to embrace these so-called guilty feelings and desires to see where they lead.  I’ve tried the alternative, and it doesn’t work for me.  It may not be easy to follow this path with heart.  However, I know that if I continue on I can expect to heal, expand, and grow.  Perhaps there is a divine reason.

I’m ready.  How about you?

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• the Gift of Anger
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Blessing of Uniqueness