the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: seanmcgrath

As I was riding the bus this morning, lost in thought, I suddenly remembered a picture I had seen once called Snake Eyes (with Nicolas Cage); it’s the oft-told story of a corrupt cop who has a change of heart once he becomes entangled in a conspiracy to commit murder.

I was reminded that, at the end of the film, Cage’s character’s life into ruin despite the fact that he had chosen to do the right thing.

The correlation I made to my own spiritual journey through life was that, more often than not, when we change even a little bit of ourselves our lives usually will look like a mess to us and to everyone around us.

It’s virtually impossible to keep your reality the same while changing yourself. I have made hundreds of futile attempts to do so. All of them have been in vain. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reach for new possibilities and hold on to what we have for dear life.

So what can we do?

Surrender.

I define surrender as remaining present with your feelings and emotions in the present.  Right where you are now.  It is a process, not a destination.  It’s allowing what going on inside you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to okay without the need to judge whether your feelings, thoughts, actions are socially appropriate to others.

Is this easy?  Of course not.  Surrendering to the present isn’t easy at all.  Each and every day I choose to work on it.  I never surrender perfectly (if such a thing is possible).  And that isn’t important anyway.

What is important is allowing yourself to feel what you feel in the moment regardless of whether or not you, or others around you, like it.

Once you are able to be where you are when you are, you open yourself up to becoming more mindful; with mindfulness comes the ability to let go of things that no longer work, and move forwards towards things that are good for you.

Here are a few tips for surrendering to the now:

1). Get out in to nature. Being able to opt-out of your current reality for even a few minutes a day could help you de-stress enough to think more clearly.

2). Have fun. Every once in a while, step off the treadmill that is reality, and have some fun.  See a funny film.  Have a giggle with friends.  Do something you enjoy for at least ten minutes a day.

3). Be with people you love. If you are going to spend eight hours plus a day with people you really have no connection with, it’s important to balance that with time spent with people you do have a connection with.

4). Don’t take reality or yourself so seriously. This is a difficult one to do consistently.  I admit that I have challenges with this.  Sometimes I am just too angry or hurt to laugh.  Or sometimes I find myself buying into the illusion that I am a helpless victim of life, and must accept what little I get and be grateful for it.  Such perceptions can be grim indeed.  But remembering that nothing is permanent in this world keeps me from sinking into a morass of self-pity.

With the suggestions above, I can go with the flow more.  Be open.  And allow the Creative Force and time to work with me and for me.  Instead of against me.  I have the freedom to surrender, knowing that tomorrow brings with it the opportunity for new choices, new possibilities that did not exist before.  That is something that both and inspires and motivates me to keep trudging forward even when things appear bleak or scary.

How about you?

What changes have you resisted?  And what occurred when you allowed yourself to surrender and “go with the flow?” How do your reality change afterward?

Feel free to share your insights.

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now

I was taking one my many mid day catnaps on my first day off when my eyes caught on a book I have not read in a while.  It’s called The Passion Test by Janet Attwood.

I read the book and took the Passion Test a while ago.  But I have since retaken the survey to see where I am today.

So without further ado, here’s my passions list!
Top 10 11 Passions List

1. Having fun, magick, and adventure in all aspects of my life
2. Exploring, growing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically
3. Participating actively in my self-determination by doing what I want when I want
4. Writing, singing, performing, recording, producing indie soul music
5. Being happily self-employed as a spiritual teacher, holistic health practitioner, transformational speaker, and writer
6. Embracing my strangeness completely
7. Being an enlightened multimillionaire
8. Helping people embrace their originality and live the life of their dreams
9. Writing fantasy novels for young adults
10. Speaking inspirational, transformational and spiritual subjects to individuals and large groups
11. Learning and teaching new things to myself and others
12. Maintaining my sense of inner peace

What’s the difference between a passion and a goal?  Janet Attwood, author of the Passion Test, defines a passion this way: “A passion is how you choose to live your life.”  While a goal is ” something you aim to achieve.”  For example, a passion could be “being a multimillionaire.”  But a goal would be “making $5 million in three years.”

I would add that a passion comes from your spirit which is unique, full of energy, and is what you love.  A goal is created by your mind.  Ideally a goal aligns with your deepest passions instead of vice versa.

See the difference?

No?

Okay.  Passions are about progress.  Goals about outcomes.

Clarity about your passions allows you to create goals that will help you create the life you love.  Goals are valuable, but it is  ideal to find out what your passions are first.  Then explore the goals that would best align with them.

What are your passions?  How do you choose to live your life?

If you would like to get clarity about your passions, read or take  the Passion Test. Could change the way you see yourself in relation to the world.

Alright, that’s it for today, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• the Blessing of Uniqueness
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self

I am a fan of Barbara Sher’s seminal book, Wishcraft .  In it, she discusses all of the creative and fun exercises she uses to help clients find their passions.  I have always found her exercises quite useful when I am lost and in need of clarity and/or direction.

This got me thinking about an exercise I could create that would help me with my clients.  That’s when I felt inspired to read Martha Beck’s book, Finding Your North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live .  In her book, she tells the story of a woman whose husband has left her after several years of horrid marriage.  However, before this truly horrid marriage to this man, she endured a truly horrid childhood.  After the death of her marriage, this woman decided to have the childhood she had always wanted but never got.

The story inspired me to wonder about the shortcomings of my own childhood.  So I came up with the following exercise I call, Throwing Yourself A Childhood.  In this exercise, visualise, picture, imagine or pretend that you are telling a close friend the story of your childhood.  Instead of telling them the limiting childhood story you usually tell, tell them the childhood story you wish you’d had.

For example, if you always wanted a Saint Bernard puppy named Noodles to run through the sprinkler system with on a scalding summer’s day, in these story, Noodles is right there with you. Got it?

Here’s my ideal childhood story.

Step one: define your ideal childhood

I had a great childhood.  I spent it taking piano lessons (which I started at six and stopped at twelve), skateboarding (which I began at seven and continue to do to this day),  riding my bike, and studying Jeet Kune Do (which I also started at six cuz my family thought I needed a physical activity to use up all my pent up hyperactive energy).

I was a born leader with many friends who spent summers in day camps, inventing games that included everyone from the geeks, the freaks, and the so-called in squad.  Everyone liked and respected my freakiness cuz I wore it like a badge of honour.  This inspired them to wave their freak flags high in the sky, too.

When I was twelve I started guitar lessons.  I was enamoured of the guitar when I saw someone playing it in the church I attended and thought, ‘Hey, I can do that.’  I was a natural for guitar; blues, funk, and soul guitar playing more specifically.

At the age of sixteen, I joined my first band as the lead guitarist and had my first boyfriend.  I had a great year of snoggng and paying gigs.

Two years later, I saw a Fender Jaguar guitar in sea green at a guitar store.  I knew I had to have that guitar, and I bought it with the money I had saved up from playing gigs and my after school job.  I still have that guitar today because I took such loving care of it.

Three years later, I decided to go to massage school, and paid my way through by playing out.  I was a popular artist on the local circuit with over a thousand true fans who loyally came to see me play.

Right out of school, I was inspired to go into private practice with all of the clients I had worked on during my internship in school.   I was self-employed at last, and it felt so good.

Currently, (still in childhood mode here; stay with me)  I am still a musician who plays out but I also coach other musicians/songwriters/singers on how to support themselves with their music; I am a holistic healer with a thriving full-time practice; I have an active social life, spending time with people of all types;  I am happily married to a great guy who is himself in the holistic field and we live by the ocean; I also put out my music through my own label and help other artists do the same.  And I am currently writing my first book!

All in all, I would say I have a great life filled with love, peace, fun, and music with people I love.

Now you.  I’ll wait.

Okay.  If you did the exercise,  you will have a good idea about the things you missed out on.

Step two: ask yourself if you still feel/think you have missed out on these activities? If the answer is yes, then now is the time to go out and get the things you felt you were denied during childhood.  If not, then you don’t need this exercise at all.  Go play with your dog or cat or kids.  Or whatever.

Step three:  prioritise the things from Step 1 ( missed it alot) to 10 (don’t miss at all).  The item # 1 is first on your wish list. Followed by your 2, 3,  4, and 5, etc.  Ask yourself, what if I never did this at all, would I miss it?

Step four: get that thing into your life immediately. Because your spirit is telling you this what you desire.  And what you desire is what you need.  Let go of the illusion  you can’t do something ( even if you want to study opera singing, you can still do so for your own pleasure).  Just do it.

Step five: remember that the only person you need to please with these activities and things is you.  No one else.  As a matter of fact, the only person you could do this exercise with is you or a supportive friend (if you have one).  If there is a chance a person might criticise your desires, feel free to keep this exercise and its discoveries a secret.

Step six:  get out there and throw yourself that childhood.

What are you waiting for?  More time to pass to feel badly about your childhood?

P.S.  I have started driving lessons, guitar lessons, and singing lessons as of this writing!  Whoo hoo!

Peace & Healing, Fellow Travelers!

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• Get Curious About You

photo credit: papalars

I have always done my best to think positively.  I bought books on positive thinking, said affirmations to myself, studied the law of attraction by watching such films as the Secret, and on and on.

While these steps did do some good, I find myself confused as to why they don’t seem to work for me now.  What changed?

Positive thinking in and of its’ self is a good thing.  Especially if the alternative is to dwell too much on the negative.

But are these our only two alternatives?

What if they don’t work?

So I did my best to think positive thoughts, and bad things still happened.  And what did I do?  I blamed myself.  Because as Jack Canfield (of Chicken Soup For the Soul fame) says, if it doesn’t work for you all the time, you must be doing something wrong.

You see, my fault.

However, when I thought negatively that did not work either.  I was depressed, alone, and lonely most of the time.

Now what?

What if I did not have to choose between one or the other?

Sideways: this reminds me of the quote: if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

I never thought there might be another option until I read the book, Sacred Choices by Christel Nani, a former emergency room trauma nurse turned medical intuitive.  In her book, she states that it never occurs to any of us that there might be more choices available than we realise.

What if you are allergic to lemons?  Or just don’t like lemonade?  What options are available to you then?

Christel Nani comes up with another option.  Why not give the lemons away and go buy chocolate (or whatever you really want) instead?

What a novel concept!

We have all been conditioned to believe that we have a finite amount of choices.  If what we want is not on the menu, we should get something pretty close to what we want.  We should compromise.  That way we can be assured of getting something instead of a big fat nothing.

When we buy a car, we can have any colour we like as long as it from the list of colours the car model is manufactured in.

Lateral thinking.

Ever heard of it?

It is often used in the puzzle about the car accident victim who is taken to a hospital in which the policy is the doctor cannot work on his/her own relatives.  And the doctor says, ‘ I can’t work on this young man, he is my son.’ Why can’t the doctor work on the victim?

Answer: the doctor is the victim’s mother.

Most people know the answer now.  But forty or so years ago, the answer would have frozen many a brain.

Step outside of the conventional patterns of thought and behaviour for solutions.

Instead of allowing the limited list of options to keep you stuck or lead you into situations you’d rather avoid,  is it not a better idea to practice both/and thinking.

Like so:

I want to relax.  I want to hang out with my friends.

Instead of staying home to relax or hang out with your friends.  As in the either/or way of processing.

Why not relax with your friends.  In fact, you could invite them over for a relaxing night of take away pizza and movies.  Or a relaxing night out at a laid back corner bistro with dinner and great conversation.

See?

You really don’t have to create mental prisons that limit you as long as you are willing to use a bit more of your imagination.

And examine your belief system (gently and compassionately).

The next time you feel stuck by a dungeon/thought prison, open your mind to the concept of casting your choice net wide, and sitting in the driver’s seat of your life.

Okay.  Time to come down off of the soap box.

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• Celebrating Your Childhood Now
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• The Power of the Word No

photo credit: Per Ola Wiberg ~ Powi

The short answer?

No.  I am definitely not who I thought I was.

Is anyone, fellow travelers?

I feel a story coming on.

When I was in secondary school, I saw myself as a skinny, unattractive loner without any friends.  A geek, the resident brain trust.  I was certain no one liked me; let alone knew me.

Fast forward a few years to a fateful lunch with a new friend who recounted her secondary school years (high school, fellow travelers).  In her memories, she was beautiful and popular.

It made me look back on my own painful adolescence with a new eyes.  And you know what I found?

Far from being the miserable loner who everyone ignored and didn’t even acknowledge, I was on a first name basis with all of the so-called popular kids.  Point of fact, I went to school with the same lot of kids all through secondary school.  We were a close knit group of talented kids.

Who did I think I was?

An unattractive and invisible loner.

Sounds very romantic, doesn’t it?  Me lying around in dark rooms cursing life.  Too miserable to be alive.

Hmmm.  I just noticed miserable and miser have the same root word.

What does that say about me?  Or anyone else for that matter?

Nothing.  Is either of the stories I have told myself anymore true than the other?

Again, not really.

Hell, if I am going to tell tall tales about myself.  Why not choose to cast myself in a heroic yet empowered light.  Instead of the alternative of choosing to cast myself in an unflattering and disempowered light?

I chose the second option for many years.  Until recently.  If I felt I had received any real benefit from that belief about myself, I would have kept it.  But more and more, it felt like I was being dragged under the depths of life by this belief.

photo credit: paul (dex) busy @ work

I say all of this to say: the power to choose the story you tell yourself is in your hands.

It is not in the hands of your family, friends, coworkers, or anyone else who happens to be connected to you by virtue of bloodline, emotional connection, shared space and oxygen supply.

What is it worth to see (or feel) that you are powerful, fellow travelers?

To know that you are powerful is scary.  Because it also means that you are responsible for yourself and your own life.  The good parts, the bad parts, the indifferent parts.  The parts that didn’t get finished.

Being responsible means if something isn’t to your liking and you have the power to change it, you do.  It is not about blame.  (another time, another post, I promise).

Oh, hell.  Looks like I’ve gone all cheerleader-y today.

Well, that’s cool.  So tell me, who do you think you are?  And is the story a true story or not?

Til we meet again, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• Celebrating Your Childhood Now
• the Gift of Anger

photo credit: Paraflyer

Today the question on my mind is:  am I really a failure?

My prime directive has always been to follow my intuition on the sort of adventures I would seek and enjoy.  This directive, as it were, very rarely allowed my the opportunity to stay on the beaten track for long.  Somehow this reminds of the time I attempted to please my mother with a job that promised me a lot of money ( at the time!).

I was just eighteen.  I found a job working as an assistant manager trainee in a posh shoe store.  I was so excited!  I was management.  One day, I might have my own store.

The lady who interviewed me was very nice; don’t remember what she looked like or what her name was, though.  But listening to her speak with such passion about the management of a shoe store ignited my passion.  It also did not hurt that a management position presented me with opportunities to manage other people (i.e., boss others about) and make money.  Not to mention win my mother’s love and approval for once.

I don’t remember if I had any misgivings.  I guess I didn’t because I went to two or three more interviews with a nice fellow who managed another store.  He hired me and my eyes glazed over as I counted all the money I would make, and the now sure path to management putting a hopeful gleam in my eye.

I wish I could say that this experiment went well.  Oh, hell.  Who am I kidding?  I don’t ever wish that I could say that the experiment went well.  If it had,  I wouldn’t be writing this; I would be managing some big chain store somewhere in Northwest England.  But I digress!  Moving on.

Anyway, as soon as I started the job things went terribly wrong.  First thing, the manager saw fit not to train me well.  So I did not know there was a quota for the week.  Didn’t know there was a quota so I did not meet or exceed said quota.

Telling the staff I did not know there was a quota didn’t do me any good.  All they said was, “Well, the sales quota is so easy to see.  It’s posted right here on the wall.  You can’t miss it if you are looking.”  Really, people?  The quota was so far removed to a far corner in the back office that I would have needed a pair of blood hounds to find it. But I believe they all knew that.

Next, the manager saw fit not to inform me of how to tell a looky-loo (a person who has no intention of buying any product) from a person intending to buy.  When I asked him how to spot the person likely to buy, all he said was, “You’re gonna have to figure that out for yourself.”

I found his reply very odd at the time, but did not choose to question it until years later (that’s another story for another time).  After all, he was an authority.  Maybe I need to sort this out on my own.  Maybe this was his way of teaching me.  Bollocks!!

Then things got really bad.  I started have lucid dreams that brought me out of sleep sweating, heart racing, mind going at all the wrong angles.  I also started to have feelings of dread when I had to drag myself to the job.

If this was a signal from the Divine, it was in code.  I did not get the signs, portends, omens, or whatever.  My mind forced my body and spirit to show up for work each day with the promise of love and approval from my mother and the money to help win said love and approval.

Of course things got worse.  I got flu-like symptoms, and I couldn’t keep food in my body anymore.  I couldn’t sleep either; my mind spent the night twisting itsself into all sorts of odd little shapes.  I got night sweats, day sweats, and in-between sweats .  I was always cold no matter how hot the room was, or how many blankets I had on me.  I didn’t have the strength to stand at work anymore, so working became more torturous.

I was so ill,  I was hospitalised.  I was so horribly dehydrated that hospital had to pump fluids in me faster than my body could absorb them.  My liver began acting wonky,  producing icky brown bile instead of its normal colour (whatever that is).  And my abdomen became so inflamed and swollen that I looked half preggers.

By the turn of the year, I was lying around hospital staring up at the ceiling with tubes coming out of me and my dear mother was nowhere to be seen (another time for this story).

When I was released from hospital on out patient, what did I do?  I went right back to the job that was killing my soul.  That is when I found out that they had already replaced me.  It was this person who gave me my first dose of perspective.

We were eating lunch one day, the topic was moved to our current position.  She dismissively informed me that the position of “assistant manager trainee” was simply a glorified sales person position.  Hmmm.  Interesting.

I believe I took that in.  Turned it over in my mind.  I began to question myself and my desires regarding this job.  I took time to pause and reflect.

The conclusion of this story being that I left this position.  I was too weak to work.  The job was not going to lead to any increase in wealth or motherly love and approval.  I was not good at selling overpriced-yet-poorly-manufactured shoes to shop girls on lunch hour. More importantly, I had no love of selling, no rapport with the sales staff at the store, and no desire to be in their company any longer.

It was another six months to a year before I was completely healthy enough to work.  During this time my lift crashed to the ground.  Everyone off!  Anti-depressant and anti-psychotics became my new religion and way of life.

It was another few years before I woke up, assessed my life, and decided I would rather live elsewhere.  Be with other people not related to me by blood or shared oxygen supply.  Then it was, to LA, my sweet!

Now, how does this pertain to normal people not changing the world?  I am so glad you asked, fellow travelers!  The lesson is this: when you are too busy trying to conform, win the love and approval of others, and follow the trad path (stands for traditional), you aren’t available to listen to your soul.

How do I know this?

The signs are in the story I just shared with you.  When I didn’t listen to my soul and tried to force myself to follow the trad path, I got sick.  Does something like this happen to you, too?  I am willing to bet it does.  Here are some of the symptoms of going against your soul:

• you are suddenly feeling tired all the time, even after hours of sleep
• you are irritated and cranky for no apparent reason
• you start getting colds, fevers and others minor body distress signals
• you can’t sleep well at night
• you feel a vague sense of discontent and restlessness
• you start to feel disconnected from your feelings
• you start to feel a bit moody, depressed
• you begin to withdraw from the world
• you begin to feel isolated and alone

There is a high price to be paid for ignoring the voice of your soul.  If you allow all of the above symptoms to continue, more serious symptoms begin to clamour for your attention.  One day, a diagnosis of a more serious dis-ease of a physical or psychologicalnature occurs (i.e., ms, lupus, cancer, heart dis-ease, fibromyalsia, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc.)  Along with this the feeling of feeling (yes, I just wrote feeling of feeling) blissed out, stuck in the wrong life with the wrong people.

I can relate.  This happened to me (the symptoms, not the dis-eases)  before my lift crashed to the ground for a few years.  During this period, I took the time to pause and reflect because there were no other options except suicide that were workable.  And I didn’t give myself the option yet of not facing up to the un-face-up-to-able (yes, you did read that!).

What I couldn’t face was that while my family and friends may have loved me, they did not know anything about me, my right life path, or how I could manifest any of it.  Not their fault.  Not my fault.  If they knew how to manifest a right life path, they would not be stuck in jobs they hate and took by necessity.  They would not be living lives plotted out by people they loved but who did not really know or understand them either.

What I did decide to do, once I healed enough, was leave them.  I believe it was the right thing to do.  We are very different.  I needed to sort out who I really was without a chorus of voices offering me unsolicited advice and suggestions on how to ignore my inner voice, pack it in, grow up, and get a real (read; real to them) job/life.  In short, to do as they had done.

I have come a long way in a few years, really.  I’ve  studied all sorts of healing modalities like: Reiki, hypnosis, the Silva Method, therapeutic imagery, NLP, reflexology, meditation, etc.   Along the way, I was better able to sort out who I am really am (an on-going work in progress, thankyouverymuch) and what my passions are.

And, when a dissonant voice raises up to discount what I know to be true, I tune them out because I have rewritten a core belief that said, “You have to listen to the advice of friends and family no matter what.”  The new belief is: “I can choose to love myself by avoiding toxic,  situations, people and advice even if they are friends and family.  Or from friends and family.”

So to answer the question I opened with: am I a failure?  Yes, if you define my success in trad  terms.  No, if you understand that my success is an based on the uncommon path.

Let me digress a bit to explain my meaning.

The trad path is easy to follow.  It is well-worn with the footsteps of others who have gone before you.  There are signposts to guide you: i.e., a large home, a luxury car, several hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank.  In Tradville, everything is measured in externals (things you can see and, therefore, measure).

The path of the uncommon where there are no signposts along the way to guide you.  Where you must rely more on your internals (happiness, joy, inner peace, etc.)  than externals to navigate.  Where, more often than not, you are Alice or Neo having an into-the-looking-glass experience.  Up is down.  Right is left.  You get the idea.

On the uncommon path, I define success in internals.  Like this.

• Is my soul happy?
• Am I learning new things?
• Am I having adventures I enjoy?
• Am I following my inner wisdom?
• Am I surrounded by like-minded and like-souled people?

This is not to say that I don’t want to have a beautiful home.  Or really cool purple Porsche.  I do.  I just intend to keep sight of that which is important to me first and foremost.  My connection to my inner wisdom.  Without that, I am vulnerable to the shoulds virus.

As in, I should get a job to pay the bills (even though I want to be an enterpreneur).  I should get married (even though I don’t want to get married).  I should live close to my family (even though doing so feels confining, and I enjoy my privacy).

On the uncommon path, you won’t meet any normal people.   To travel the uncommon path, you have to be willing to give up being normal (whatever that is).

I define being normal as: the addiction to approval from external sources that “drives” the desire to conform to others’ standards .  A good example being, my desire for my mother’s love and approval “drove” me to choose a soul-depleting job for money.  Money was the currency guaranteed to rent my mother’s love and approval on an hourly basis.

Okay, fellow travellers.  I’m done.    Stay tuned.  Stay open (unless you would rather be closed).

As always, transform your mind, transform your life.  Then go out and transform someone else’s life (with their permission, of course).

Peace & Healing All,

Related Posts:

• How Our Stories Create Our Realities
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

So today I thought I would pontificate on being yourself, and why there’s a wacky, wild, and weird magick in that.

Now I used to think the way to happiness was to allow other people to give constructive criticism and then twist myself into lovely little knots attempting to be all things to all people.  Then one day I realised that was “for the pigeons.”  People have all sorts of issues that they will happily project onto you without a single thought to the contrary.  I once encountered a guy (sadly, I dated him!) who saw me as a cold, narrow-minded person.  I thought this was hilarious coming from a guy who couldn’t spell narrow-minded let alone cold.

The guy was a never ending source of comedic material that I laugh out loud about to this day.  I digress, however.  What I was going to say was being your adorable little freaky self is where it is at, fellow travelers.  Haven’t we all tried to be what others wanted, hoped for, expected?  Only to have the same people find fault with the ‘us’ we created at their request.

The reason for this is this.  People do not respect people whom they can twist like a bendable straw on a whim.  People do not appreciate the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years spent creating a self that they would love.  Not only will they not thank you for listening to their well-meaning advice on how to eradicate all of your quirks, faults, and foibles; they will look at you askance as if you had grown a second head, a third eye, and two more arms.

Is this you?

Creative, wonderful, wanderer who can’t stand working 9 to 5 in an office as the “tea girl?”  (It’s an English thing. Bear with me.)  Would rather travel the world, learning new languages, and letting your heart decide your next adventure?

And then you told this to your mother, best friend, and your great aunt all in one week. Next thing you know, you are sitting in a cubicle and five years have passed since you last had a conversation with your soul.

Yeah, but… I have bills to pay, etc.* (pontificate further, o great one, on the yeah buts, please…)

Yes, I understand that.  I am not that far removed from the concept of working for a living.  But I prefer my time to more soulfully spent.  I hate suits, underwear, living by a clock, and getting up early.  All the things necessary to succeed in the corporate world.  I should know, fellow travelers.  I have tried to fit into the traditional path.  But, like Cinderella’s two step-sisters, the glass slipper did not fit.  I was a dismal failure.

I tried working a job with Social Security, but my first day inside under fluorescent lighting, watching the clock creep ever slowly towards five o’clock I had an epiphany.  It was this:  I hate work! To say this was torture is cruel slur to torture itself.  I couldn’t wait to get out of there! When I told my mother I was quitting, I am certain she saw all of her dreams of receiving a bi- weekly stipend while she acted like a hausfrau (she did not have a husband) go up in flames.

“Are you mad?” she sniffed.

Oh, yes.  Yes, completely.  After that, I watched tv, slept, and collected the dole.  Did I mention I was also on psychotropic drugs?  NO!  Well, I was.  And this is what happened to me when my lift (elevator) hit the ground.  By this I mean, when I refused to let myself be its own freaky self, I ended up on meds just to live a life of quiet desperation.

Eventually, I got saved.  A little voice in my head (No, not a psychotic voice!) suggested I move to California (the home of my cosmic brothers, the Red Hot Chili Peppers).  Natch, my family thought I was nuts!  Nothing new.

My grandmum asked, “How will we get your body back if you die?”  She was concerned that I might die in riot or an earthquake. (Really, Gran?)

My mother asked,  “What about your dole cheque?”

Seriously, mum?  I thought.  Okay, I think it has been established that I have your typical mum issues.  Moving on.

My sister wanted to know why I was giving away my cherished possessions without batting an eye.  I need the money, sister dear.

After everyone weighed in.  I felt unsupported, shell-shocked and alone.  I tried to get support from my grandmum, but she laughed in my face when she saw me crying.  (Yet, I’m considered the crazy one!) Seriously, gran?

I wish I were joking about all of this.  However, a part of me being me is the fact that I come from a family only slightly less barmy (English thing again.  Means a bit crazy, nuts, bananas,  complete fruit loops, etc) than the Addams Family.

If you can’t guess, I moved to California faster than it takes the Concorde to cross the Pond.  In Cali, I became the divine, holy fool, blessed freak I was meant to be all along.  A fairie-loving, angel channeling, cowboy hat wearing, urban mystic faerie goddess who adores the colour purple.  A rainbow girl finally in RainbowLand.

And you know what?  I like myself much better now.  I let things go. By this I mean, I stopped grokking with the so-called real world.  I changed my name, address myself in the third person, and stepped into the wild fullness of being the me I choose to be.  And, I must say, it is magickal.  I can’t wait to read the next chapter in my life.  I really don’t know who I am gonna turn up as next.  The third person speaking nut job who doesn’t over-identify with her mind.  The recovering New Ager turned sorcerer.  The Urban Mystic writer, masquerading as a cosmic clown.  Who knows?  That’s the fun part, fellow travelers.  Not knowing which me I’m gonna meet today, tomorrow.

Natch, I get the occasional person who feels it is their duty to inform me of some character flaw I have.  Something like, “You sure do talk alot.”  The subtext being that they don’t like it, and would rather I practiced being a mute.  Or live my life in pantomime.  Or whatever the hell it is they think I should do.  Unsolicited constructive criticism?  Who the f*** cares?

Here’s the thing.  I talk with a purpose.  I tell stories to help guide people to their own inner wisdom.  I listen, too.  I nod my head a lot.

I’d like to leave you with this little raindrop of weirdness, fellow travelers: fly your pirate colours!  Fly your freak flag high!

Like wearing rainbow coloured socks while walking in the rain.  Great!  Do that!  And don’t let anyone else talk you out of it.  Even if they whisper, “Everyone will think you’re mad.”  Let the world think you’re mad.

FYI:  most people in the world aren’t even interested in what you wear, eat, or that you exist.  Only a small amount of people in the world give a toss about your personal choices.  And that is because they have a lot invested in you following their rules and validating their choices.

I implore you to introduce your mind to the concept that it is possible to live in this world while being yourself, and, more importantly, others of a like mind will be attracted to you.  But you have to be flying your colours first.  That’s the first step.

Here’s an action step, my fellow travelers. It begins with a question like all good hero’s journeys.  Riddle me this:  what can you do to fly your freak flag today?

Answer the question, and take action.

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• How Our Stories Create Our Realities
• the Gift of Anger
• the Blessing of Uniqueness
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill

photo credit: piermario

Just recently I awoke to the realisation that I am not the person I thought I was.  I was told by my FOO ( Family Of Origin) that I did not like children ( I was thirteen at the time);  I was hardly warm and fuzzy (in fact, I was an introverted loner who lived through books, did not get kissed, and never even had a boyfriend).  For years, I accepted this as the who that I was.  Never questioned it.  Then one day I am in Shiatsu class when I suddenly realise that not one of my classmates would describe me as an introvert. That was the beginning of me questioning who I really am.

Not that I ask that question every day.  But I have made a point of asking.  At this moment the answer would be different from, say, tomorrow’s moment.  Today, I would say that I don’t think I am really anything.  I think I am an ever-changing being that has no real adjective.  Just because the person that I am has no adjectives does not mean that I don’t have a particular preference for certain word descriptions.  For example, if I were to describe myself to someone else I would say I am a “creative, peace–loving free-spirited urban mystic.”  But I don’t believe that is the sum and grand total of who I am.  Just a preferred description.

But I digress.

A couple of days ago, I contemplated that stories that I have often heard my family repeat.  Here’s at least two of them.

When I was a baby, my grandmother used to give me baths.  She just loved my baby soft skin, and jet black baby fine hair.  One day, she decided to wash my hair with this home remedy her mother used to wash her hair with.  After she washed my hair with it, the story goes, my hair went wild and kinkly (Yeah, you read it right.  Kinkly!  I am making up new words now)  ever after.  My mother seemed to make a point of sharing this story with me whenever she combed, brushed or otherwise styled my hair.  The point being that, while everyone else in the family had “nice, good hair”, I had wild, kinkly, barbed wire hair.

This story was very hurtful and did alot to harm my self esteem.  In fact, up until recently, I repeated the story to myself habitually.  What happened recently?  I am so glad you asked,  fellow traveler.

I was sitting at my computer contemplating the nature of reality (yep, that sounds good!) when it suddenly occurred to me that the so-called “home remedy” my grandmother used to wash my hair had stripped away all the natural oils in my hair, drying it out.

Do you know the impact this had on my belief system and self-esteem?

Well, let me tell you!

I went from believing that there was something fundamentally wrong with me to there’s nothing wrong with me in a matter of nano seconds.  I went from believing a story that was no more true than the fact that I might have green hair, and green hair is bad.

Bbbbut wait!  There’s more!

Not only did I rewrite that self-esteem busting belief;  it had a cascade effect.  It caused me to examine and rewrite other beliefs that relied upon the above belief as a foundation.

Can you say revelation, fellow travelers?   It was one of the early building blocks in what I now know as self-esteem.  But I would not learn that until much later.

I spent too much time trying to get the wrong people to like me.  What do I mean by that?  How do I explain that?  Hmmm.

Let me say this.  A great deal of my life has been spent hearing harsh criticisms and judgments about my physical appearance, personality, and general character.  These assessments were done by friends, family, peers, and, in general, anyone who assumed they possessed a personal connection to me by virtue of the fact the we shared space and breathed the same air the same time.  Such criticism and judgments include:

• you’re too skinny
• your hair is too kinky
• you talk too much
• you are so negative
• you are not very warm or friendly
• your arms and legs are so skinny, they look like kermit the frog’s
• you are so lazy
• why can’t you be like so and so…
• your feet are so big (this coming from my mother whose size nine feet are bigger than mine; she liked to call my feet “clodhoppers”
• and many more

Here’s what I realise now: all these people who found fault with me were not my “right people.”  My “right people” find me perfectly delightful.  In fact, they love me just as I am.  They would not change a thing.  If I want to change something, they are cool with that.  But change is not a prerequisite when it comes to our relationship.  When I realised this, I mourned all the years spent taking people’s criticism at face value.  I mourned the innocent me that listened to them and then attempted to twist myself into a pretzel to conform to their ideas of what is likeable and loveable.

Let me give you an example of this.  I love to talk.  Now I don’t love to talk for the sake of talking.  I talk with a purpose.  And the purpose is this:  I like to discuss ideas and inspirations with, learn from, and teach others.  Particularly in the realm of inner growth, metaphysics, and quantum physics.  I love to share mind-expanding, soul-enriching ideas with people.  Odd that I never thought about this before, but, yes, I have no interest in talking about me, me, me.  For years and years, the way people told it, I was a never-ending word vominator.  I just talked, talked, talked without ceasing.  (People just don’t listen.  And they don’t listen when they would rather you shut your gob so they can open theirs.)

Now based on this new insight, I can now look at the story that “I talk too much” with new eyes.  I can begin the process of rewriting a new core belief that says, “I talk with a purpose.  I am passionate about sharing and learning new ideas from and with people.”  See?  In one short leap I go from self-centred blabbermouth to active-listening speaker with a purpose.  And this new thought, fellow travelers,  inspires divine ideas like, “Talking is a passion for me.  Why don’t I use this gift to help others?”  So now I am attending Toastmasters with the intention of becoming a public speaker/workshop leader extraordinaire.

You’re wondering what “right people” are, right?  I didn’t forget.  “Right people” are the people who resonate and vibrate in harmony with you.  For example, if you are a person who loves monster trucks, your “right people” are other monster truck-loving people.  Anyone who thinks monster trucks are for morons, not your “right people”, okay?  (Don’t give me credit for this idea; I learned it from Havi Brooks at the fluent self dot com.)  What I want for everyone is to have the joy of finding and “hangin’ out with” their “right people.”  Spending time with the wrong people is soul-destroying and boring.  And who wants that?

Oh, dear.  I believe have gone on a bit long, haven’t I?  Well, anyway.  As you can see, core beliefs are the stuff we make ourselves out of.  Not just our reality, but ourselves.  If you do not like the stuff you are made of, you are in charge of changing the material (ie, the story) you are telling yourself and the world.  Once the story changes, reality is not far behind.  And the world is one step closer to healing.

Got that?  Good!   The world is waiting for you.  The world needs your help.

Oh, and always, let your freak flag fly, people!

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Get Curious About You
• the Gift of Anger
• Embracing Your Shadow Self