the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: wakalani

Every once in a while the Universe throws you a curve ball in answer to a question or the internal shout for help.  In my case, it was seeing an Avon commercial on telly in the midnight hours between fitful sleep and wakefulness.  (Go here to read about that).  This was after I expressed my desire to make more money to build my holistic private practice.

Last year I took a guitar lesson from a very nice fellow named Buzz.  He taught me a few chord based soloing techniques in our half hour together.  For a month of lessons, it would have cost me $150.  Which is not over-expensive; however, I had other adventures going on at the time that required my money at that time, so I had to let go of my desire to become a better guitarist for another time.

Enter Blues Guitar Unleashed

Well, that time came on January 10.  I was on my Yahoo! page when I noticed that Jimi Hendrix’s estate had released a new album of his material (Valleys of Neptune).  I clicked to read the news story about it when my eyes caught a link that said you can solo with just four notes!  Preposterous!  Poppycock!  And gobbledygook besides!

I was curious enough to go to the site.  I was introduced to Blues Guitar Unleashed and it’s creator, Griff Hamlin.  The story goes that he created this course with support from his students who felt that they had received such a great benefit from the course and so should others.

When I read this on the course’s sales page, I thought, I am others.  So I purchased the course (about $130), and I have been plugging away with it ever since.

Now most people define personal growth as akin to spiritual shifts.  But I define personal growth as any attitude, belief, and/or action that creates significant and powerful changes in my life; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

What this course has done for me?

1. I realised that while I am not the guitarist I want to be yet; I am not the worst guitarist in the world (as my mini-me would have me believe).
2. I am uninterested in perfection as a goal. I find trying to be perfect as frustrating as trying to count all the grains of sand on a beach.  Not to mention, being a waste of perfectly good time which I could spend doing worthwhile things like writing songs, writing for my blog, or promoting my Avon business.
3. There’s a reason why they call guitar practice a practice. It means we are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them.  If we were meant to play guitar, sing, dance, write, or live perfectly; it would be called guitar perfect, sing perfect, or writing perfect.
4. I am a success each and every day I turn up and play guitar. Whether I play well or badly, I turn up and see what happens.  And believe me, there are days when my fingers behave as if they are alien to my body.
5. Even when you love something, sometimes it just feels uncomfortable to change and grow. I love playing guitar!  I love learning new comping techniques, chords, new ways of seeing.  However, I do not like  the road nor the view from here to there.  Because that is some of the most discomforting experiences of my life.  An example, when I was learning to read music, I just could not understand how individual chords fit together.  It was rather like reading German without understanding German at all.  Eventually, I rode out the discomfort, and viola, I suddenly understood how chord progressions fit together.  After that I was able to write some songs!  The discomfort was hell!  But the result made it worth it.  Change is sometimes uncomfortable is the point.
   

Now I mention this because I have always wanted to be a better guitarist, but my inner critic wouldn’t allow it.  I had to play as well as Jimi Hendrix (I am a fan!) or I wouldn’t be allowed to play at all.

What sort of reasoning is this?  I asked myself.  How can I expect to be a better guitar player if I never allow myself the joy of mucking it up and starting again.  And mucking it up some more.  Learning some more.  And starting again!

Answer:  I can’t learn anything if I am not allowed to practice.  And practice badly sometimes.

This is how everyone grows!

Engaging the Heart

Part of the growing process for me is opening the doorways and windows of perception so I can see in new and clearer ways.  After all,  I wasn’t going to become a better guitar player as long as I held the attitude that I was just plain bad!  With that belief in operation, I couldn’t get myself to pick up a guitar without my mini-me sneering, ‘Well, you’re never going to get anywhere!  Remember the last time when….’  Such disheartening words always flattened my spirit and disengaged my heart.

As  long as my logic was the only one allowed in the creative sandbox, there was no creativity present.  Just feelings of resentment and longing that depressed me horribly.  Why do this to myself?  Why do this to yourself?

You Are Now Entering the Discomfort Zone

The best way to solve the problem was to forget about any goals of perfection.  And focus on what you can do today to be a master of conscious creation.  Today is where success is defined.  Not tomorrow!

Each and every action you take action  in the direction of  your life vision is a moment, an hour or a day that you can call yourself successful instead of waiting for that magickal day when all your cats, ducks, or what eggs queue up in a row.  Or in a basket.  Or whatever container or lack of container you would prefer to visualise.

It’s a challenge to be imperfect and turn up anyway. Whether it is to a job you love, or learning to scuba dive; you will enter the discomfort zone.  That horrible liminal period where you feel you can’t do anything right and you flop about like a mud-skipper without the mud.  And all of your attempts to get back to that safe, warm, and secure place you once knew will be thwarted by Universal forces who might have a nasty sense of humour.  That’s okay.

The point is:  I don’t expect to do things perfectly anymore.  And neither should you.  Expect to do well.  But no longer do you need to fear that extreme standards for perfection are called for in your quest to become more of the person you intend to be.  I can allow myself to appreciate the small victories scattered like gold coins on the yellow brick road we call personal growth.  Can you?

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

It’s easier to engage your heart if you allow it to speak to you every once in a while.  Logic isn’t always the best way to live your life.  Neither is avoiding discomfort.

Let’s be honest.  How many of us don’t follow our passions, do what we love because we fear discomfort for even a small period of time?  I do.  Maybe you do as well?

Living in the discomfort zone on occasion can bring great rewards.  If you’re going to follow the yellow brick road of doing what you love, periods of chaos, and mucky icky feelings will be companions.  As I have already stated: sometimes change doesn’t always feel good.  Go on anyway.  Let your heart lead this time.

As I follow the yellow brick road to becoming a better guitar player, I listen to my heart more and my head less.  After all, my head is what got me into the frustrating morass of creative constipation in the first place.

Notes from the Discomfort Zone

Learn that the best way to heal creative constipation or learn any new skill  is to do something creative.   Anything creative. Begin it, feel all the icky sticky feelings that come along for the ride. And do it badly, goodly, or in-betweenly.  But give yourself the opportunity to start.  Perfection unnecessary.  Resistance optional. Turning up a big fat yes!

So here’s the question for you: where in your life can you live in your discomfort zone?  What would be the benefits if you did?

That’s all for today.  Sorry,  no clever jokes!

Peace & Healing,

Vibelicious comments:  Be excellent to each other.

Rude, mean comments will be deleted without exception.

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself

photo credit: Aitor Escauriaza

I was visiting Havi’s site one day last week, and was introduced to the wonderful concept of the ungratitude list (also known as the Lentil game).  I loved it so much that I decide to create my own ungratitude list and share it with you here.

So here we are.

What is an ungratitude list?  Let me explain.

Simply put you take eight lentils, spoons, or magick beans and move them over from one cup to another when you discover something in the world that doesn’t completely suck!

Enjoy!

1. the scent of rain
2. sunny days
3. blues skies
4. the friendly cat downstairs that walks me home (his name is Tommy)
5. hot miso soup
6. Havi Brooks’ blog
7. giving the middle finger to conformity
8. being different
9. cherry flavoured Life Savers
10. fresh strawberrries
11. Living in SoCal
12. being from Liverpool, England. Oy!
13. the music of the Red Hot Chili Peppers
14. getting to write as much as I like
15. the forum over at Blues Guitar Unleashed
16. the new adventure of learning to play blues guitar better
17. writing this blog
18. having this website
19. sci-fi films from the 50s, 60s, and 70s
20. horror films from the 60s, 70s and 80s
21. Bruce Lee
22. Pam Grier (especially when she appeared in Sugar Hill as a Devil summoning woman seeking revenge for the murder of her fiance
23. jacaranda trees in bloom in late spring
24. playing blues guitar
25. the poetry of Anne Sexton
26. the poetry of Nikki Giovanni
27. the poetry of Alice Walker
28. Aretha Franklin’s voice
29. the music and the harmonies of the Temptations
30. the Motown sound
31. purple orchids
32. the colour purple (the colour not the movie)
33. the Warriors (0ne of the coolest and oddest movies I’ve ever seen)
34. Jimi Hendrix’s music and guitar playing
35. blues music
36. funk music
37. Otis Redding’s voice
38. Janis Joplin’s voice
39. P-funk, pre-Westbound years
40. Shiva Nata
41. having a tongue to taste all of the wonderful food in this world
42. indigo, the colour
43. That 70’s Show
44. Topher Grace, that 70’s Show wouldn’t be the same without him
45. the X-Files, the early years
46. peace of mind
47. fleece blankets
48. massage therapy and bodywork
49. helping people
50. 19 degrees Celsius (weather)
51. hot baths on a cold winter’s night
52. cool breezes on a hot summer’s day/night
53. the first night of the full moon
54. spring time
55. the smell of freshly cut grass
56. the wonderful peppermint cold air scent my Gran had
57. sterling silver jewlery
58. Kurt Cobain’s songwriting
59. Nirvana’s music
60. knowing how to type (even though I went into horrible debt to do so)
61. reading fantasy novels
62. the Harry Potter series
63. A Wrinkle In Time by Madeline L’Engle
64. Where the Things Are (I’ve loved this book since I was a child)
65. hot soup on cold days (ahh!)
66. the velvety texture of fresh raspberries
67. the wild juiciness of blackberries
68. the scent of lemongrass
69. the scent of lavender
70. the sound of wind chimes
71. the percussive sounds of African drums and rhythms
72. the blues
73. the gorgeous spooky voice of Chester Burnett (known to the world as Howlin’ Wolf)
74. the gritty blues of Muddy Waters
75. the shapely and graceful lines of a Fender Jaquar guitar
76. vintage guitars
77. vintage guitar effects pedals

Your turn.  What’s on your Ungratitude List

Vibelicious comments: Be kind.  Be excellent to everyone.  And have fun.

Rude and/or mean comments will be deleted.

Related Posts:

• Get Curious About You
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Celebrating Your Childhood Now
• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone
• Personal Update: National Novel Writing Contest 2009

photo credit: OakleyOriginals

“This one question – ‘What do I know for certain?’ – is tremendously powerful. When you look deeply into this question, it actually destroys your world. It destroys your whole sense of self, and it’s meant to. You come to see that everything you think you know about yourself, everything you think you know about the world, is based on assumptions, beliefs and opinions – things you believe because you were taught or told that they were true. Until we start to see these false perceptions for what they really are, consciousness will be imprisoned within the dream state.” Adyashanti, The End of Your World

It was on one of those self-reflective days on my daily walking meditation that it suddenly occurred to me that I have no definitions for success and authenticity and spirituality that were self-defined.

And it was causing me alot of pain and suffering.

I realised, as I revisited my past selves in my mind, that I often allowed the definitions and judgements of others define me, my level of success, and level of authenticity; whether it be family, friends, or other peers.  In fact, it never occurred to me to question what success, authenticity and spirituality meant to me.  I was too busy looking at the externals in every situation.  And coming up short in my estimation.

Also, I don’t know anything for certain about me, or my point of view.  I never took the time to self-reflect to the level that I do now.  I preferred to make others responsible for me self-esteem, my past and current choices, and current place in life.  It was quite frightening, honestly.

All of this happened because I wasn’t particularly curious about me.  Perhaps I was afraid of what I might discover.  Or, more truthfully, I thought I knew what sort of person I was.  And I saw no reason for further exploration.  I believed I was being self-accepting.

Then something within me changed.  I attended hypnotherapy school, and became quite fascinated with how I saw the world.  I wondered how I formed my perceptions and beliefs in the first place.  And my journey did not lead me back to my family, friends, or peers.  It lead me straight back to me; the originator and instigator in my life story.

Sideways:

The first inkling I had (this was before hypnotherapy school)  that I was the one in control of my mind, emotions, and life was while I was dining at my favourite thai/vegan restaurant on my lunch hour.  I had always defined myself as an independent loner type who had few friends because I wouldn’t let others close to me.

However, was this the truth?  Or a story I told myself?

Answer: it was a story.

I believed that I was powerless to change the story because this was just who I was.

That is, until the small still voice within me weighed in on the internal dialogue.  It was you who created the story, and the labels you come to know yourself by, it whispered, and you are the only one who can change them.  No one else.

This knocked me sideways.  I was responsible for causing myself pain.  Not my mum, my family, my past lovers and friends.  You mean it was me all along?  And it wasn’t written in stone, as I had believed, I could change it at any time?

I wish I could say the journey was always pleasant, filled with joy.  But it isn’t.  I wish I could say that the journey is over and I have landed in Enlightenment-ville; a place where enlightened souls live.  But I didn’t.  In fact, as of this writing, I am still learning about myself.  Every day, I question assumptions I have made about me and my place in the world.

Full tilt:

It wasn’t until I attended hypnotherapy school (hypnosis is a wonderful tool that allows people to understand well what their beliefs are, how they are formed, and if they serve them in any way) that I got very curious about me.  Instead of assuming that I knew all I needed to know about me, I began to question my assumptions.

I believe it’s not always possible to know for certain about anyone, including myself.  But what I do know about me is that I enjoy the process of discovering all about me.

Discovering about yourself is rather like building a house.  You have to first start with the foundations.  Core beliefs are those foundations formed in the early childhood.  An unexamined belief is like a flu virus; it can be dangerous to you if left unchecked.  Getting curious about yourself is like a antidote.

Here’s a question or two or three to get you started on your very own Get-Curious-About-You Journey:

• Who were you before the world decided who you were? Everyone of us had hopes and dreams that we may have innocently shared with our families with all of the awe and wonder of a child.  Only to have those desires wrested from our grasp by people who believed they knew how the world worked.  Here is your chance to reclaim those lost hopes and dreams.
• What dreams and hopes did you have as a child? And what made you give them up?  Did you grow and change in unexpected ways?  Or did you decide that you were being unrealistic?
• What was the characteristics that those around you most noticed? Were you shy, quiet, the showstopping extrovert?  I believe these labels are keys to sorting out who you really are and, even better,  who you want to be.

This journey begins with you.  You are the creator, the architect, the engineer of your beliefs, point of view, and dreams.  Isn’t it time that you become acquainted with you so you can make wiser choices that are in integrity with who you desire to become?

When you get curious about you, you throw off the shackles of externally defined limitations.  You can then become more open to the opportunities that are presenting themselves to you now instead of making choices based on your history.

Knowledge may not always be power, but it can be a helpful tool in getting unstuck and navigating change.

Enough from me.  It’s your turn.  Share your thoughts.

Peace & Healing, Fellow Travelers

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Gift of Anger
• How Our Stories Create Our Realities
• The Passion Test

photo credit: brendan.lally.

I’m always amazed when Halloween comes round.  It seems as if the year has just begun with all its promises and possibility intact.

Yes, I know that the New Year is observed in January.  However, the New Year I am observing is the pagan one.  At this time of the year, I begin looking forward to what new harvests I would like to plant;  at the same time, I begin the liberating, but sometimes uncomfortable, process of uncluttering my life and finishing up old projects.

I always look forward with alot of excitement like a child anticipating all the Christmas gifts s/he will be getting.  So without further ado, here’s my list of the five creative things for the new year.

Sideways, before I give you the list, let me give you my one and only guideline: 1). creative things can be big or small; the only person they have to satisfy is you.

Why 5?  Five seems manageable to me; prevents too much overthinking and hyper-analysing amd free us up to just declare our desires.  And eventually take action towards them.

Okay, moving onward…

My 5  Creative Things List

1). learn to ride a bike.  This has been a subject of shame for me since I was twelve and just couldn’t learn to balance on a bicycle properly.

2). learn to draw.  I would love to draw anything, and expand beyond the limits of the belief that says I can’t draw and can’t ever learn to draw.

3). learn to play blues guitar.  I love music and the blues is the foundation for practically every form of music in the Western world.

4). learn to skateboard.  This one would allow me to get over my fears of physically being hurt, and allow me to embrace my inner daredevil!  Besides, skate boarding is really cool to me.

5). get my first tattoo.  My idea is to get one of the Tibetan Om symbol.  I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but was afraid to get one  due to finances and pain.  But since I am a certified hypnotherapist, I’ve sorted out that I can simply numb the area with hypnosis.

Now you.  What 5 creative things would you be excited to accomplish?

Feel free to leave your answers in the comments section below.

Until next time, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing

Related Posts:

• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill
• How Our Stories Create Our Realities

photo credit: inottawa

It occurred to me yesterday after reading a particularly powerful post by Danielle LaPorte at WhiteHotTruth.com (read it here), that I have always been ashamed by how I want to feel about my visions.  I have mucked-up many a wonderful vision with self destructive stories.  Problem was, I believed these stories.

Okay. Pause.

Here’s a story. Yay!

I am a musician, and my greatest dream was to be a rock star with the tour buses, adoring fans, number one songs, the works.  I want fame and fortune.  And I wanted them larger than life.

Why?

Beacause I wanted to feel special.  Celebrities are treated special; they get gifts when they go to the oscars; people queue up ten deep to take their picture; people ask for the autograph; others hang on to their every word.

My first mistake was reading the new age books that implied that wanting to feel special or be treated special meant that I was an unevolved lemming who obviously doesn’t know what’s truly important.  What’s important is that we are all the same on a spiritual level (sayeth the New Age gurus); and, therefore, we should all strive to be equal (the same) on this plane of existence, too. Anyone who sees themselves as special is clearly a negative influence and should be stoned (okay, I’m making up the last part) for furthering the illusion of isolation and separation.

Whew!

So who wants to be a bad person?  Not me!

Back to the present.  Here’s the fire starting questions that began my current healing journey.

Is it wrong to feel a certain way?  If so, says who?  More to the point, how can I begin to be okay with wanting to feel a certain way and see where that takes me?

Is it wrong to want to feel special? I ask myself.  A better question would be: what would make me feel special?

First of all, when I answer that question, what comes to mind is that 1). people who listen to me because I am an expert, 2). I would be centre stage at events and workshops, 3). I’d be paid very well by clients who value what I do, 4). I’d also have the freedom to do what I love without compromise or apology.

I’m tired of feeling guilty for wanting to feel a certain way.  I want to give myself the freedom to embrace these so-called guilty feelings and desires to see where they lead.  I’ve tried the alternative, and it doesn’t work for me.  It may not be easy to follow this path with heart.  However, I know that if I continue on I can expect to heal, expand, and grow.  Perhaps there is a divine reason.

I’m ready.  How about you?

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• the Gift of Anger
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Blessing of Uniqueness

I had a conversation last year with my friend, Ilan, a very strange person whom I really love.  We were talking about the Matrix and the choice that Neo had to make to take the red or blue pill.

Suddenly Ilan asked, “What if I don’t want to take the red or blue pill?  What if I want to take the gold, purple, green, or yellow pill?”

Before he said that it never occurred to me that any such choice could possibly exist.  I simply accepted the choice between the red or blue pill.  I also accepted that I would have to tumble down the rabbit hole to see how far it would go.

So I wondered, what if I’m not partial to rabbit holes?  What if I would rather shoot through a wormhole or a black hole to see what was on the other side?

The reason for this post?  I wish to become more aware(and others more aware) of when I (we/us/you) am allowing restrictions to our experiences to be place upon us from the outside world.  Before my friend said anything it never occurred to me to question the choices I was given at the outset.

I mean, what if the choices did not align well with who I am?  I do not recall a time in my lifeline where I have ever expressed a partiality to red pills or blue pills.  Let alone any desire to use them as gateways down rabbit holes to open the doors and windows to  my perception.

Okay, give me the option to ride a comet through a wormhole after swallowing a purple-coloured cherry-flavoured liquid, and you have got my interest.

See what I mean?

Learn to question the choices you are given to discover if they are in alignment with who you are.  If they are, proceed full steam.  If not, take a deeper look at your choices and begin exploring to find better options that are in alignment with who you are.

You may not have one life to live (if you believe in reincarnation), but wouldn’t it be wiser to choose in favour of your true self, your heart, your spirit, your soul instead of the alternative?

I don’t know about you, fellow travelers, but I would rather choose to support who I am than not.

What about you?  What do you choose?

Do you take the red pill?  Or the green cocktail?  Or the gold dust?  Or the rainbow-coloured tab of acid (not advocating drug use here)?

Who better than you to make that call?

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• Get Curious About You
• Celebrating Your Childhood Now
• How Our Stories Create Our Realities

I am a fan of Barbara Sher’s seminal book, Wishcraft .  In it, she discusses all of the creative and fun exercises she uses to help clients find their passions.  I have always found her exercises quite useful when I am lost and in need of clarity and/or direction.

This got me thinking about an exercise I could create that would help me with my clients.  That’s when I felt inspired to read Martha Beck’s book, Finding Your North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live .  In her book, she tells the story of a woman whose husband has left her after several years of horrid marriage.  However, before this truly horrid marriage to this man, she endured a truly horrid childhood.  After the death of her marriage, this woman decided to have the childhood she had always wanted but never got.

The story inspired me to wonder about the shortcomings of my own childhood.  So I came up with the following exercise I call, Throwing Yourself A Childhood.  In this exercise, visualise, picture, imagine or pretend that you are telling a close friend the story of your childhood.  Instead of telling them the limiting childhood story you usually tell, tell them the childhood story you wish you’d had.

For example, if you always wanted a Saint Bernard puppy named Noodles to run through the sprinkler system with on a scalding summer’s day, in these story, Noodles is right there with you. Got it?

Here’s my ideal childhood story.

Step one: define your ideal childhood

I had a great childhood.  I spent it taking piano lessons (which I started at six and stopped at twelve), skateboarding (which I began at seven and continue to do to this day),  riding my bike, and studying Jeet Kune Do (which I also started at six cuz my family thought I needed a physical activity to use up all my pent up hyperactive energy).

I was a born leader with many friends who spent summers in day camps, inventing games that included everyone from the geeks, the freaks, and the so-called in squad.  Everyone liked and respected my freakiness cuz I wore it like a badge of honour.  This inspired them to wave their freak flags high in the sky, too.

When I was twelve I started guitar lessons.  I was enamoured of the guitar when I saw someone playing it in the church I attended and thought, ‘Hey, I can do that.’  I was a natural for guitar; blues, funk, and soul guitar playing more specifically.

At the age of sixteen, I joined my first band as the lead guitarist and had my first boyfriend.  I had a great year of snoggng and paying gigs.

Two years later, I saw a Fender Jaguar guitar in sea green at a guitar store.  I knew I had to have that guitar, and I bought it with the money I had saved up from playing gigs and my after school job.  I still have that guitar today because I took such loving care of it.

Three years later, I decided to go to massage school, and paid my way through by playing out.  I was a popular artist on the local circuit with over a thousand true fans who loyally came to see me play.

Right out of school, I was inspired to go into private practice with all of the clients I had worked on during my internship in school.   I was self-employed at last, and it felt so good.

Currently, (still in childhood mode here; stay with me)  I am still a musician who plays out but I also coach other musicians/songwriters/singers on how to support themselves with their music; I am a holistic healer with a thriving full-time practice; I have an active social life, spending time with people of all types;  I am happily married to a great guy who is himself in the holistic field and we live by the ocean; I also put out my music through my own label and help other artists do the same.  And I am currently writing my first book!

All in all, I would say I have a great life filled with love, peace, fun, and music with people I love.

Now you.  I’ll wait.

Okay.  If you did the exercise,  you will have a good idea about the things you missed out on.

Step two: ask yourself if you still feel/think you have missed out on these activities? If the answer is yes, then now is the time to go out and get the things you felt you were denied during childhood.  If not, then you don’t need this exercise at all.  Go play with your dog or cat or kids.  Or whatever.

Step three:  prioritise the things from Step 1 ( missed it alot) to 10 (don’t miss at all).  The item # 1 is first on your wish list. Followed by your 2, 3,  4, and 5, etc.  Ask yourself, what if I never did this at all, would I miss it?

Step four: get that thing into your life immediately. Because your spirit is telling you this what you desire.  And what you desire is what you need.  Let go of the illusion  you can’t do something ( even if you want to study opera singing, you can still do so for your own pleasure).  Just do it.

Step five: remember that the only person you need to please with these activities and things is you.  No one else.  As a matter of fact, the only person you could do this exercise with is you or a supportive friend (if you have one).  If there is a chance a person might criticise your desires, feel free to keep this exercise and its discoveries a secret.

Step six:  get out there and throw yourself that childhood.

What are you waiting for?  More time to pass to feel badly about your childhood?

P.S.  I have started driving lessons, guitar lessons, and singing lessons as of this writing!  Whoo hoo!

Peace & Healing, Fellow Travelers!

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• Get Curious About You

Changing Habits

One of the most fascinating episodes of House that I have seen is the story of man with split brain syndrome (in which left and right hemispheres can no longer communicate and work in harmony with each other due to the surgical removal of the part of the brain between both).  In the episode, his right hand seems to have a mind of its own; slapping his wife for no logical reason, for example.

Through the force of will, the man with the split brain tried to force his right hand to behave.  But no amount of will worked.

How many timeshave we all attempted to change a habit through the use of sheer will?  Or will’s friend, discipline?

Do you know someone who smokes or can’t stop eating?

They have tried discipline and will to stop.  Perhaps they have aversion therapy to quit smoking.  Or NLP to trick their minds into believing that they hate chocolate.

We have all bought into the cult of discipline and will.  We have been conditioned to believe that, if only we had the right amount of discipline and will, we could blast past all our weaknesses, obstacles, and fear into that golden promised land of success.

Why Discipline Doesn’t Work

Discipline does not work for a very simple reason.  Habits are usually automatic, and the part of the psyche responsible for that is the subconscious mind.  the subconscious mind accounts for 88% of the psyche’s energy.  However, the conscious mind accounts for only 12%.  In a conflict between 88% and 12%, which side do you think would win?

If you guessed 88%, you would be correct.  The subconscious mind is theorised to be the home of all social and cultural conditioning.

So no matter how much that 12% of you desires to stop smoking or stop overeating, the remaining 88% of you says, “Smoking is relaxing, and I can’t stop.”  Or, “I will always be fat.”

Guess what?

Any attempt to quit smoking or overeating will be met with furious inner resistance.

So now what do you do?  Give up?

Well, no, really.

Pathways Of Change

When making a change, it is natural to feel fear and/or doubt.  Be gentle with yourself.  Take your time.  Changing a habit does not always have clearly defined steps.  Be prepared to take action, and correct your course as you go.  Remember this is not a race to see how fast you can change; it is a journey to transform your mind and your life.

So here are some practical tips to creating new and positive habits that support you.

1.  Identify the habit you wish to change. For example, if you want to quit smoking, it would be wise to acknowledge that to yourself (or a supportive friend).

2. Identify the habit you are establishing. If you wish to be a non-smoker, it would be wise to set a quantifiable intention.  What would be the benefit of being a non-smoker?  Perhaps you would like to walk up a flight of steps without gasping for breath.  Or you might enjoy running a marathon.

3. Enlist the help of “believing mirrors.” A believing mirror is someone who believes you can achieve your desires and may offer emotional/financial or other help.  As stated above, tell a supportive friend who is behind you in your desire to stop smoking.  It could be someone who would also like to stop smoking.  Or it could be a friend who just wants to help you on your journey to better health.

4.  Set a target date and write it down. Setting a time limit is helpful.  Keeps you from procrastinating and living on Someday Isle.  As long as you have a time frame that exists only in your head, it is easy to put off taking action.

5.  Find an accountability partner. It is easier to stay on course when you have to report your action steps to someone.  Remember how you felt when you were asked to wash the dishes or take out the trash by your parents and you didn’t do it?  How did you feel when you were faced with your parents’ disappointment and/or anger?  I’m wagering you felt bad, and decided to do better the next time out.  (Note: the purpose of an accountability partner is to empower you to follow through on your intentions.  Not make you feel bad.)

These action steps work for me.  They might work for you, too.  Experiment with them and feel free to change them to suit your needs.

That’s it for me.

Until next time, Fellow Travelers!

Peace & Healing All

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photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

So today I thought I would pontificate on being yourself, and why there’s a wacky, wild, and weird magick in that.

Now I used to think the way to happiness was to allow other people to give constructive criticism and then twist myself into lovely little knots attempting to be all things to all people.  Then one day I realised that was “for the pigeons.”  People have all sorts of issues that they will happily project onto you without a single thought to the contrary.  I once encountered a guy (sadly, I dated him!) who saw me as a cold, narrow-minded person.  I thought this was hilarious coming from a guy who couldn’t spell narrow-minded let alone cold.

The guy was a never ending source of comedic material that I laugh out loud about to this day.  I digress, however.  What I was going to say was being your adorable little freaky self is where it is at, fellow travelers.  Haven’t we all tried to be what others wanted, hoped for, expected?  Only to have the same people find fault with the ‘us’ we created at their request.

The reason for this is this.  People do not respect people whom they can twist like a bendable straw on a whim.  People do not appreciate the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years spent creating a self that they would love.  Not only will they not thank you for listening to their well-meaning advice on how to eradicate all of your quirks, faults, and foibles; they will look at you askance as if you had grown a second head, a third eye, and two more arms.

Is this you?

Creative, wonderful, wanderer who can’t stand working 9 to 5 in an office as the “tea girl?”  (It’s an English thing. Bear with me.)  Would rather travel the world, learning new languages, and letting your heart decide your next adventure?

And then you told this to your mother, best friend, and your great aunt all in one week. Next thing you know, you are sitting in a cubicle and five years have passed since you last had a conversation with your soul.

Yeah, but… I have bills to pay, etc.* (pontificate further, o great one, on the yeah buts, please…)

Yes, I understand that.  I am not that far removed from the concept of working for a living.  But I prefer my time to more soulfully spent.  I hate suits, underwear, living by a clock, and getting up early.  All the things necessary to succeed in the corporate world.  I should know, fellow travelers.  I have tried to fit into the traditional path.  But, like Cinderella’s two step-sisters, the glass slipper did not fit.  I was a dismal failure.

I tried working a job with Social Security, but my first day inside under fluorescent lighting, watching the clock creep ever slowly towards five o’clock I had an epiphany.  It was this:  I hate work! To say this was torture is cruel slur to torture itself.  I couldn’t wait to get out of there! When I told my mother I was quitting, I am certain she saw all of her dreams of receiving a bi- weekly stipend while she acted like a hausfrau (she did not have a husband) go up in flames.

“Are you mad?” she sniffed.

Oh, yes.  Yes, completely.  After that, I watched tv, slept, and collected the dole.  Did I mention I was also on psychotropic drugs?  NO!  Well, I was.  And this is what happened to me when my lift (elevator) hit the ground.  By this I mean, when I refused to let myself be its own freaky self, I ended up on meds just to live a life of quiet desperation.

Eventually, I got saved.  A little voice in my head (No, not a psychotic voice!) suggested I move to California (the home of my cosmic brothers, the Red Hot Chili Peppers).  Natch, my family thought I was nuts!  Nothing new.

My grandmum asked, “How will we get your body back if you die?”  She was concerned that I might die in riot or an earthquake. (Really, Gran?)

My mother asked,  “What about your dole cheque?”

Seriously, mum?  I thought.  Okay, I think it has been established that I have your typical mum issues.  Moving on.

My sister wanted to know why I was giving away my cherished possessions without batting an eye.  I need the money, sister dear.

After everyone weighed in.  I felt unsupported, shell-shocked and alone.  I tried to get support from my grandmum, but she laughed in my face when she saw me crying.  (Yet, I’m considered the crazy one!) Seriously, gran?

I wish I were joking about all of this.  However, a part of me being me is the fact that I come from a family only slightly less barmy (English thing again.  Means a bit crazy, nuts, bananas,  complete fruit loops, etc) than the Addams Family.

If you can’t guess, I moved to California faster than it takes the Concorde to cross the Pond.  In Cali, I became the divine, holy fool, blessed freak I was meant to be all along.  A fairie-loving, angel channeling, cowboy hat wearing, urban mystic faerie goddess who adores the colour purple.  A rainbow girl finally in RainbowLand.

And you know what?  I like myself much better now.  I let things go. By this I mean, I stopped grokking with the so-called real world.  I changed my name, address myself in the third person, and stepped into the wild fullness of being the me I choose to be.  And, I must say, it is magickal.  I can’t wait to read the next chapter in my life.  I really don’t know who I am gonna turn up as next.  The third person speaking nut job who doesn’t over-identify with her mind.  The recovering New Ager turned sorcerer.  The Urban Mystic writer, masquerading as a cosmic clown.  Who knows?  That’s the fun part, fellow travelers.  Not knowing which me I’m gonna meet today, tomorrow.

Natch, I get the occasional person who feels it is their duty to inform me of some character flaw I have.  Something like, “You sure do talk alot.”  The subtext being that they don’t like it, and would rather I practiced being a mute.  Or live my life in pantomime.  Or whatever the hell it is they think I should do.  Unsolicited constructive criticism?  Who the f*** cares?

Here’s the thing.  I talk with a purpose.  I tell stories to help guide people to their own inner wisdom.  I listen, too.  I nod my head a lot.

I’d like to leave you with this little raindrop of weirdness, fellow travelers: fly your pirate colours!  Fly your freak flag high!

Like wearing rainbow coloured socks while walking in the rain.  Great!  Do that!  And don’t let anyone else talk you out of it.  Even if they whisper, “Everyone will think you’re mad.”  Let the world think you’re mad.

FYI:  most people in the world aren’t even interested in what you wear, eat, or that you exist.  Only a small amount of people in the world give a toss about your personal choices.  And that is because they have a lot invested in you following their rules and validating their choices.

I implore you to introduce your mind to the concept that it is possible to live in this world while being yourself, and, more importantly, others of a like mind will be attracted to you.  But you have to be flying your colours first.  That’s the first step.

Here’s an action step, my fellow travelers. It begins with a question like all good hero’s journeys.  Riddle me this:  what can you do to fly your freak flag today?

Answer the question, and take action.

Peace & Healing All

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photo credit: piermario

Just recently I awoke to the realisation that I am not the person I thought I was.  I was told by my FOO ( Family Of Origin) that I did not like children ( I was thirteen at the time);  I was hardly warm and fuzzy (in fact, I was an introverted loner who lived through books, did not get kissed, and never even had a boyfriend).  For years, I accepted this as the who that I was.  Never questioned it.  Then one day I am in Shiatsu class when I suddenly realise that not one of my classmates would describe me as an introvert. That was the beginning of me questioning who I really am.

Not that I ask that question every day.  But I have made a point of asking.  At this moment the answer would be different from, say, tomorrow’s moment.  Today, I would say that I don’t think I am really anything.  I think I am an ever-changing being that has no real adjective.  Just because the person that I am has no adjectives does not mean that I don’t have a particular preference for certain word descriptions.  For example, if I were to describe myself to someone else I would say I am a “creative, peace–loving free-spirited urban mystic.”  But I don’t believe that is the sum and grand total of who I am.  Just a preferred description.

But I digress.

A couple of days ago, I contemplated that stories that I have often heard my family repeat.  Here’s at least two of them.

When I was a baby, my grandmother used to give me baths.  She just loved my baby soft skin, and jet black baby fine hair.  One day, she decided to wash my hair with this home remedy her mother used to wash her hair with.  After she washed my hair with it, the story goes, my hair went wild and kinkly (Yeah, you read it right.  Kinkly!  I am making up new words now)  ever after.  My mother seemed to make a point of sharing this story with me whenever she combed, brushed or otherwise styled my hair.  The point being that, while everyone else in the family had “nice, good hair”, I had wild, kinkly, barbed wire hair.

This story was very hurtful and did alot to harm my self esteem.  In fact, up until recently, I repeated the story to myself habitually.  What happened recently?  I am so glad you asked,  fellow traveler.

I was sitting at my computer contemplating the nature of reality (yep, that sounds good!) when it suddenly occurred to me that the so-called “home remedy” my grandmother used to wash my hair had stripped away all the natural oils in my hair, drying it out.

Do you know the impact this had on my belief system and self-esteem?

Well, let me tell you!

I went from believing that there was something fundamentally wrong with me to there’s nothing wrong with me in a matter of nano seconds.  I went from believing a story that was no more true than the fact that I might have green hair, and green hair is bad.

Bbbbut wait!  There’s more!

Not only did I rewrite that self-esteem busting belief;  it had a cascade effect.  It caused me to examine and rewrite other beliefs that relied upon the above belief as a foundation.

Can you say revelation, fellow travelers?   It was one of the early building blocks in what I now know as self-esteem.  But I would not learn that until much later.

I spent too much time trying to get the wrong people to like me.  What do I mean by that?  How do I explain that?  Hmmm.

Let me say this.  A great deal of my life has been spent hearing harsh criticisms and judgments about my physical appearance, personality, and general character.  These assessments were done by friends, family, peers, and, in general, anyone who assumed they possessed a personal connection to me by virtue of the fact the we shared space and breathed the same air the same time.  Such criticism and judgments include:

• you’re too skinny
• your hair is too kinky
• you talk too much
• you are so negative
• you are not very warm or friendly
• your arms and legs are so skinny, they look like kermit the frog’s
• you are so lazy
• why can’t you be like so and so…
• your feet are so big (this coming from my mother whose size nine feet are bigger than mine; she liked to call my feet “clodhoppers”
• and many more

Here’s what I realise now: all these people who found fault with me were not my “right people.”  My “right people” find me perfectly delightful.  In fact, they love me just as I am.  They would not change a thing.  If I want to change something, they are cool with that.  But change is not a prerequisite when it comes to our relationship.  When I realised this, I mourned all the years spent taking people’s criticism at face value.  I mourned the innocent me that listened to them and then attempted to twist myself into a pretzel to conform to their ideas of what is likeable and loveable.

Let me give you an example of this.  I love to talk.  Now I don’t love to talk for the sake of talking.  I talk with a purpose.  And the purpose is this:  I like to discuss ideas and inspirations with, learn from, and teach others.  Particularly in the realm of inner growth, metaphysics, and quantum physics.  I love to share mind-expanding, soul-enriching ideas with people.  Odd that I never thought about this before, but, yes, I have no interest in talking about me, me, me.  For years and years, the way people told it, I was a never-ending word vominator.  I just talked, talked, talked without ceasing.  (People just don’t listen.  And they don’t listen when they would rather you shut your gob so they can open theirs.)

Now based on this new insight, I can now look at the story that “I talk too much” with new eyes.  I can begin the process of rewriting a new core belief that says, “I talk with a purpose.  I am passionate about sharing and learning new ideas from and with people.”  See?  In one short leap I go from self-centred blabbermouth to active-listening speaker with a purpose.  And this new thought, fellow travelers,  inspires divine ideas like, “Talking is a passion for me.  Why don’t I use this gift to help others?”  So now I am attending Toastmasters with the intention of becoming a public speaker/workshop leader extraordinaire.

You’re wondering what “right people” are, right?  I didn’t forget.  “Right people” are the people who resonate and vibrate in harmony with you.  For example, if you are a person who loves monster trucks, your “right people” are other monster truck-loving people.  Anyone who thinks monster trucks are for morons, not your “right people”, okay?  (Don’t give me credit for this idea; I learned it from Havi Brooks at the fluent self dot com.)  What I want for everyone is to have the joy of finding and “hangin’ out with” their “right people.”  Spending time with the wrong people is soul-destroying and boring.  And who wants that?

Oh, dear.  I believe have gone on a bit long, haven’t I?  Well, anyway.  As you can see, core beliefs are the stuff we make ourselves out of.  Not just our reality, but ourselves.  If you do not like the stuff you are made of, you are in charge of changing the material (ie, the story) you are telling yourself and the world.  Once the story changes, reality is not far behind.  And the world is one step closer to healing.

Got that?  Good!   The world is waiting for you.  The world needs your help.

Oh, and always, let your freak flag fly, people!

Peace & Healing All

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