the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: Joel Bedford

I have always wanted to meditate.  I read many self-help books that suggest meditation as part of everyone’s spiritual practice.  However, my attempts to sit still whilst thinking nothing proved to futile.  I could no more get my mind to shut up than I could shepard a herd of cats.  Frustrated with my lack of progress, I stopped.  Until I heard of a new meditation programme that promised I could meditate like a  zen monk

Huh?  And how, exactly, was I going to do that?  I couldn’t get my mind to sit still; it was as restless as a four-year old child on a sugar high.  How was I going to achieve that impossible goal?

Enter Holosync

In late 2008, I found Holosync.  I read and read the website at least seven times before I ordered the free demo.  I was impressed enough with the demo to order the first programme in the Holosync series, Awakening Prologue.  The Holosync programme uses binural beats to slow down the brainwaves to the Alpha levels where, it’s believed, that the mind is in a more resourceful and relaxed state.  Free of the clutter and shatter of the wakening state; aka, the Beta level.

And, I’ve got to say, that I am loving it.

First of all, my busy bee of a mind can buzz all over the place without me resisting it, and I still feel myself gradually relaxing to the point that I feel my mind let go.  Brilliant!  And wicked, besides!

That was about 2 years ago, and I have progressed to the next level, Awakening Level One.  Which is also wonderful!

However, I am not writing this post as an endorsement for Holosync.  Because I believe that Holosync is not for everyone.  Any more than any other system of meditation is for everyone.

Whether you choose to work in your garden, take walks on the beach, surf in the early morning hours, or just take a walkabout round the neighbourhood.  Meditation takes as many forms as there are people populating the Earth.

Please do not feel the need to force yourself to sit in the lotus position for hours while chanting some mantra, if you don’t feel any joy at all doing it.  Meditation is supposed to be restful.  And if you are not feeling relaxed and peaceful then you are practicing a form of meditation that’s not for you.  I encourage you to cease and desist right now, if you like.  Explore and discover other form that might appeal to you more.  Transcendental Meditation, Holosync, Mindfulness meditation, or Japa meditation (a form of mantra-based mediation) are all great starting points.

You can even tool about in your garage, fixing things if it quiets your mind and lets you hear the voice of your spirit, intuition, or Inner Authority.  Or whatever you desire to call it.

The point is, that meditation has many wellness benefits that are helpful on all levels from the physical to the spiritual.

7 Reasons to Meditate

1. Decreases the negative effects of stress. In a University of Massachusetts study, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D recorded the brain waves of  employees of a Madison, Wisconsin high tech firm.  These employees were highly stressed.  The employees were split randomly into two groups with 25 of them being trained to meditate for eight weeks.  Whilst the other group of 16 were left alone as the control group.  The participants had their brains scanned three time during the experiment; in the beginning of the study, at the eight week mark (the end of the study), and four months after that.  The researchers discovered that the mediators were calmer and happier.  (Psychology Today, April 2003, Colin Allen).
2. Leads to greater physical relaxation. Did you know that when you are in a state of enhanced stress all of the blood in the body tend to flow towards the arms, legs, heart and lungs; whilst a bit less to the digestive system? This is because the body believes there is danger, and you need to run away when in danger.
3. Decreases muscle tension. A reduction in muscle tension means more blood and oxygen flow to the muscles, making them more relaxed.  And creating a happier body experiencing less pain due to muscle tightness.  And when the muscles relax so do the joints, ligaments, and bones.
   
4. Lowers heart rate. Meditation slows down the brain waves Alpha (the relaxed brain waves) from Beta (the more stress-inducing waves, depending on how high the Beta waves are).  Lower heart rates (in healthy people) can result in less adrenaline and cortisone hormones in the blood stream.  With less of these hormones in the system, you don’t over eat to medicate yourself.  Or run down your immune system.  And a lower heart rate (in healthy people) can be beneficial to the cardiovascular system; for example, an athlete in peak physical condition (such as Lance Armstrong) can have a resting heart rate of 47 beats per minute.  This is helpful because it means that the heart doesn’t have to work so hard to circulate blood, nutrients, and oxygen to the body.
   
5. Gives your immune system a boost. The immune system get repressed sometimes when we maintain overly stressful states of being for long periods of time.  This sometimes the reason why you might be prone to catch a cold more easily when you are experiencing more stress.
   
6. Produces beneficial changes in brain activity, harmonising the endocrine and nervous systems. This is because the brain switches over from the busy right frontal cortex to the calmer left frontal cortex resulting in calmer and happier brains and emotional states.  When you are relaxed and calm, your body’s systems tend to work more in harmony than in more stress-inducing states.
   
7. Increases creativity, focus, and concentration. Have you ever been fixing a car, planting in a garden, walking along the beach or your neighbourhood and noticed all the really wicked ideas that occur to you during these times?  While the mind is occupied consciously doing another activity, your subconscious mind gets a chance to come out, talk to you and play.

10 Minutes Per Day to Increased Creativity, Focus, and Concentration, etc..

As you can see, you don’t have to retreat to a Buddhist monastery and devote 30 years of your life to the solitary pursuit of enlightenment while meditating facing a bare wall.  You can just go to your garden or other sacred place (even if it’s your favourite meditation chair) and reap the benefits of meditation.

It only takes about 10 minutes per day to enjoy increased creativity, focus, and concentration.  You’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain by taking the first step.

Start right where you are.  Go out in the garden.  Go to the beach.  Get out in nature and take a walk.  Let your mind clear.  And I’ll see you right back here to tell me what you got out of meditating.

Let me know about your meditating experiences in the comments.

Vibelicious comments: Be excellent to each other.  Only kind and respectful comments are welcome.

Related Posts:

• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Gift of Anger
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• the Blessing of Uniqueness

photo credit: wakalani

Every once in a while the Universe throws you a curve ball in answer to a question or the internal shout for help.  In my case, it was seeing an Avon commercial on telly in the midnight hours between fitful sleep and wakefulness.  (Go here to read about that).  This was after I expressed my desire to make more money to build my holistic private practice.

Last year I took a guitar lesson from a very nice fellow named Buzz.  He taught me a few chord based soloing techniques in our half hour together.  For a month of lessons, it would have cost me $150.  Which is not over-expensive; however, I had other adventures going on at the time that required my money at that time, so I had to let go of my desire to become a better guitarist for another time.

Enter Blues Guitar Unleashed

Well, that time came on January 10.  I was on my Yahoo! page when I noticed that Jimi Hendrix’s estate had released a new album of his material (Valleys of Neptune).  I clicked to read the news story about it when my eyes caught a link that said you can solo with just four notes!  Preposterous!  Poppycock!  And gobbledygook besides!

I was curious enough to go to the site.  I was introduced to Blues Guitar Unleashed and it’s creator, Griff Hamlin.  The story goes that he created this course with support from his students who felt that they had received such a great benefit from the course and so should others.

When I read this on the course’s sales page, I thought, I am others.  So I purchased the course (about $130), and I have been plugging away with it ever since.

Now most people define personal growth as akin to spiritual shifts.  But I define personal growth as any attitude, belief, and/or action that creates significant and powerful changes in my life; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

What this course has done for me?

1. I realised that while I am not the guitarist I want to be yet; I am not the worst guitarist in the world (as my mini-me would have me believe).
2. I am uninterested in perfection as a goal. I find trying to be perfect as frustrating as trying to count all the grains of sand on a beach.  Not to mention, being a waste of perfectly good time which I could spend doing worthwhile things like writing songs, writing for my blog, or promoting my Avon business.
3. There’s a reason why they call guitar practice a practice. It means we are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them.  If we were meant to play guitar, sing, dance, write, or live perfectly; it would be called guitar perfect, sing perfect, or writing perfect.
4. I am a success each and every day I turn up and play guitar. Whether I play well or badly, I turn up and see what happens.  And believe me, there are days when my fingers behave as if they are alien to my body.
5. Even when you love something, sometimes it just feels uncomfortable to change and grow. I love playing guitar!  I love learning new comping techniques, chords, new ways of seeing.  However, I do not like  the road nor the view from here to there.  Because that is some of the most discomforting experiences of my life.  An example, when I was learning to read music, I just could not understand how individual chords fit together.  It was rather like reading German without understanding German at all.  Eventually, I rode out the discomfort, and viola, I suddenly understood how chord progressions fit together.  After that I was able to write some songs!  The discomfort was hell!  But the result made it worth it.  Change is sometimes uncomfortable is the point.
   

Now I mention this because I have always wanted to be a better guitarist, but my inner critic wouldn’t allow it.  I had to play as well as Jimi Hendrix (I am a fan!) or I wouldn’t be allowed to play at all.

What sort of reasoning is this?  I asked myself.  How can I expect to be a better guitar player if I never allow myself the joy of mucking it up and starting again.  And mucking it up some more.  Learning some more.  And starting again!

Answer:  I can’t learn anything if I am not allowed to practice.  And practice badly sometimes.

This is how everyone grows!

Engaging the Heart

Part of the growing process for me is opening the doorways and windows of perception so I can see in new and clearer ways.  After all,  I wasn’t going to become a better guitar player as long as I held the attitude that I was just plain bad!  With that belief in operation, I couldn’t get myself to pick up a guitar without my mini-me sneering, ‘Well, you’re never going to get anywhere!  Remember the last time when….’  Such disheartening words always flattened my spirit and disengaged my heart.

As  long as my logic was the only one allowed in the creative sandbox, there was no creativity present.  Just feelings of resentment and longing that depressed me horribly.  Why do this to myself?  Why do this to yourself?

You Are Now Entering the Discomfort Zone

The best way to solve the problem was to forget about any goals of perfection.  And focus on what you can do today to be a master of conscious creation.  Today is where success is defined.  Not tomorrow!

Each and every action you take action  in the direction of  your life vision is a moment, an hour or a day that you can call yourself successful instead of waiting for that magickal day when all your cats, ducks, or what eggs queue up in a row.  Or in a basket.  Or whatever container or lack of container you would prefer to visualise.

It’s a challenge to be imperfect and turn up anyway. Whether it is to a job you love, or learning to scuba dive; you will enter the discomfort zone.  That horrible liminal period where you feel you can’t do anything right and you flop about like a mud-skipper without the mud.  And all of your attempts to get back to that safe, warm, and secure place you once knew will be thwarted by Universal forces who might have a nasty sense of humour.  That’s okay.

The point is:  I don’t expect to do things perfectly anymore.  And neither should you.  Expect to do well.  But no longer do you need to fear that extreme standards for perfection are called for in your quest to become more of the person you intend to be.  I can allow myself to appreciate the small victories scattered like gold coins on the yellow brick road we call personal growth.  Can you?

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

It’s easier to engage your heart if you allow it to speak to you every once in a while.  Logic isn’t always the best way to live your life.  Neither is avoiding discomfort.

Let’s be honest.  How many of us don’t follow our passions, do what we love because we fear discomfort for even a small period of time?  I do.  Maybe you do as well?

Living in the discomfort zone on occasion can bring great rewards.  If you’re going to follow the yellow brick road of doing what you love, periods of chaos, and mucky icky feelings will be companions.  As I have already stated: sometimes change doesn’t always feel good.  Go on anyway.  Let your heart lead this time.

As I follow the yellow brick road to becoming a better guitar player, I listen to my heart more and my head less.  After all, my head is what got me into the frustrating morass of creative constipation in the first place.

Notes from the Discomfort Zone

Learn that the best way to heal creative constipation or learn any new skill  is to do something creative.   Anything creative. Begin it, feel all the icky sticky feelings that come along for the ride. And do it badly, goodly, or in-betweenly.  But give yourself the opportunity to start.  Perfection unnecessary.  Resistance optional. Turning up a big fat yes!

So here’s the question for you: where in your life can you live in your discomfort zone?  What would be the benefits if you did?

That’s all for today.  Sorry,  no clever jokes!

Peace & Healing,

Vibelicious comments:  Be excellent to each other.

Rude, mean comments will be deleted without exception.

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself

photo credit: josephpetepickle

I was reading a really cool blog by an odd fellow based in the U.K.   The writer of the blog is called Johnny.  Of course, now that I want to read his blog, I can’t bloody remember the name of it.

But, alas, I digress…

The point of the particular article I read was that: the author had five principles that he choose to live by.  He repeated these principles to himself every morning and every night.  Due to this practice, he feels that his life is guided.  And he is attracting experiences and people that make it very likely that he will be the person he intends to be.

Flash forward a week or two or three.  I am in my “life coach” Elaine’s home office when I begin telling her that this year the guiding traits I intend to focus my attention on are:  fun and freedom. Not necessarily in that order either.

This made me ask, What principles do I intend to live my life by?

Okay. Onward.

Let me be honest.  I have never given this question any consideration until recently.  For me, my entire existence revolved around attaining levels of success that others would admire in order to gain their approval.  I did not think about who I wanted to be.  Or what principles I intend to live by at all.  As a matter of fact, I think I have lived rather unconsciouly up until a few years ago when I had my first nervous breakdown.  And my proverbial lift of sanity crashed to the bottom.  It was only then that I began to consider living my life differently.

Okay. I went sideways again.  Let me go full-tilt forward.

Since I have decided to live a life of adventure, fun, and magick.  It would make sense to create principles that would support that life vision and sustain me on my 2010 adventure to have more fun and freedom in my life.

I intend the freedom to come from:

1. quitting my current job at a massage therapy clinic.
2. owning and operating my own healing practice.
3. buying a car
4. learning to ride a bike
   

And the fun comes from:

1. making new friends
   
2. learning be a better guitarist
   
3. going on my first sky-diving jump
   
4. joining a band
   
5. moving into a flat near the ocean

Just contemplating the conscious creation of this list looks like a large order.

Now here are the questions that will help me and you sort out what principles we intend to live by from now on.

• Now what principles would I/you love to live by?  Or play by for that matter?
  
• Which principles would allow me/you to become the person that lives the life you intend to live?

Each of us will answer these questions differently.  So what I will do right now is use myself as an example and answer the questions and see what guiding principles I would like to use to shape the person I’m about to become.

Living a life of fun, magick, and adventure

As I have stated my purpose is to live a life of fun, magick, and adventure.  My values of focus this year are: more fun and freedom in my life.

Well, it’s obvious to me that my first principle is to live my life like it’s an adventure! So that’s first on my list.

Tc create a more detailed list, I would look at the things I would like less of in my life. More importantly, what do I value in my life?

So I ask myself the question: What would I like less of in my life?

The opposite question would work as well.  What would I like more of in my life?

And the third question asking what you value in life is helpful as well (if you get stuck.)

Here’s My Releasement/Elimination list:

1. Self-criticism.~ I could do with less of my mini-me telling me stories about failure, woe, and doom.
2. Lack of trust in myself ~ I wish I trusted myself more to make sound decisions and stand by them.
3. Not standing by my choices ~ I have a tendency to waffle if my mini-me thinks being agreeable will get me more approval from others.
4. The need to seek approval from others ~ I think many people suffer from this particular affliction.  Problem is that whilst we are all seeking approval from others, we aren’t being ourselves.
5. Fear of “shining my light” ~ I don’t believe I am alone in this one.  No one wants to be called arrogant for giving themselves a pat on the back.  Even when the acknowledgment is well-earned and deserved.
6. Speaking my “truth” ~ Telling people that I don’t agree with their point of view is still a challenge for me.  Even now I still have to practice.  And speaking my truth doesn’t mean I criticise others and call it the “Truth” with a capital T.
7. ignoring my intuition ~ I have regrets like everyone else.  What I regret most is not listening to my inner voice when it suggested I do this or that, and then discovered that a miracle was waiting for me.

Based on my releasement list, my 7 Principles List looks like this:

1. Live my life like it’s a fun adventure
2. Speak of my talents and gifts with joy and gratitude
3. Stand by my choices (which are clear and sound)
4. Speak my truth with love and compassion
5. x
6. y
7. z

Looks a bit incomplete.  So let me ask myself the second question:  What would I like more of in my life?

My Hubba Hubba Me Likey More List:

1. Peace
2. More time to smell the roses with days at the beach
3. learning a new skill to expand my mind
   
4. traveling the world
5. meeting new people from new cultures
   
6. eating new exotic foods
7. learning a new language
   

This list give me more insight.  Judging by my responses, I’d say I was a bit adventure-starved.  My spirit is screaming for new learning experiences; it longs to explore a bit more. Now I can bring my principles list to completion.

However, to deepen my insight on the matter; Let me ask myself, what I value right now?

That’s simple.  As I’ve already stated: fun, freedom.  And, a late entry into this list is inner peace.

Now let’s take a look at my list, and see what develops.

Here’s my 7 Principles to Live By List:

1. Live my life like it’s a fun adventure
2. Speak of my talents and gifts with joy and gratitude
3. Stand by my choices (which are clear and sound)
4. Speak my truth with love and compassion
5. Take time to enjoy life; to “smell the roses” as the saying goes
6. Expand my mind and experiences each day
7. Create a sacred space for inner peace within

As you can see, it’s all in the questions.

[I chose not to write this in a step by step format because I intend to focus on the process of self-reflection.  Questions are better for this process than statements and step-by-step how-tos (which are cool for those that find value in them).  I admit that I have a bias against step by step programmes as I have been misled by a far too many.]

Keep in mind that the list is an ever-evolving list and can and should change as you explore, learn, and grow.

Feel free to share your experiences with these questions in the comments.  I would love to hear what you’ve learned about yourself.  And I would love to read your guiding principles.

Now it’s your turn.  What’s on your Principles List?

Vibelicious comments:  Be excellent to each other.

Rude and/or mean comments will be deleted.

Related Posts:

• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone
• How to Take Your Power Back
• Letting Go of Mr./Ms. Perfect Person
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self

photo credit: Eustaquio Santimano

In my experience, one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do is to see myself as I really and for whom I really am.  I have been visualising myself as my ideal self for so long I actually feel lost without this potent tool guiding me.

This morning while watching an infomercial, promising parents better tools to parent their children; I began to ask myself this question:

• What would happen if I let go of my ideal version of myself, what would my life look like?

• What freedom would I enjoy?

Now I am still in the beginning stages of exploring these questions.  However, I feel that these questions could be the key to freeing myself from limitation.

Why?

Because as long as I am comparing myself to some fictional, yet idealised version of myself, I am not accepting myself as I am and for whom I am.  And that feels awful.  As long as I try to live up to herculean expectations, I remain unaware of what is really important to me and what I really want.

I get to mentally torture myself in fine pointy ways as well.  I draw an odd yet unhealthy comfort in trying to be Ms. Perfect Person, and failing and torturing myself some more.

So, how can we let go of our perfect selves, and embrace who we are?

I have found it helpful to accept my mistakes, my flaws, my quirks in all.  For example, I am not a nice person.  Whatever a nice person is, I know I am as far away from that ideal as it is possible to be on this earth.  If there is a nice person planet all nice people go to when I am sleeping or daydreaming, I know I will never visit this planet.

And the reason is:  I don’t want to be a nice person.  To me, a nice person is someone whom others walk on.  Someone who does what others want whilst ignoring what’s best for themselves.  Nice people usually end up angry and resentful about all that they have done for others and feel bitter than no one saw fit to do the same for them.

Why do I believe this?

I was taught this by my Gran, a woman I love and respect.  She was a nice person.  Always doing her best to help others whilst sacrificing what might be best for her.  An example of this comes from my early childhood.  My Mum was going out with a man who was physically, verbally, and mentally abrusive.  My Gran tried to get on with this man for my Mum’s sake; to be nice.  She even loaned the man money to move into his own flat when his behaviour led him to attack my sister whilst she was holding my baby niece in her arms.

Now being a nice person isn’t a bad thing.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help your friends and loved ones when you feel the need to.  It’s a problem when niceness gets in the way of you being you.  Let me illustrate my point further using the childhood story I shared with you.

What’s authentic to my Gran: seeing to it that my family was safe from a toxic influence (my Mum’s boyfriend).  What’s inauthentic: pretending to like  a person she would cheerfully have run over if he’d been standing in the middle of the road.  I know she would have loved to have done away with the fellow; she told us she had dreams about his death all the time.  And she would be smiling happily when she contemplated the earth without his shadow upon it.

That’s my Gran’s Ms. Perfect Person.  Helping people she didn’t like.

Mine is: feeling like I need to agree with other people’s points of view in order to be liked.  This did not work as well as I would have liked.

Letting Go of the Need to Be Perfect

I know what you all are thinking.  Let go of the need to be perfect?  How the bloody hell do I do that?

Okay.  This is not going to be easy.  Or comfortable.  I need to say that right now.  Some changes that are deeply ingrained in us can be a challenge to relinquish.  This is no exception.  Believe me, I am still trying.

The Tao of letting go is like this:

Step One: Accept that you are not perfect. And probably never will be.  And that’s okay.  The point isn’t to live up to some idealised version of yourself, it’s to explore more deeply who you really are.  Whomever that might be now.

Step Two: Let it be okay that you have made mistakes. You have made mistakes.  So have I.  Let’s all get together and love ourselves anyway.  Mistakes are necessary parts of the growth process that the spirit enjoys experiencing.  You don’t have to like your mistakes.  Or feel positive about them.  Scream, cry, howl at your mistakes.

Go ahead.  I’ll wait.

Dum-de-dum-de-dum…

Great!  Now say this with me:

Mistakes are not the end of the world!  I will survive if I make a mistake.

And you will.  You have made many mistakes in the past and you are still numbered amongst the living.  We can now safely assume that the trend will continue.  Unless, of course, you make the mistake of launching a rocket to the sun with the intention of setting up a colony there.  That might be a costly mistake.

But most other mistakes can be lived down quite nicely without too many scapes and bruises.

What does this have to do with letting go of Mr./Ms.  Perfect Person?

Glad you asked!

When you accept yourself warts, shadows and all, including your mistakes you open up the door (or window, if you prefer) to let go of the need to criticise, judge, or belittle yourself into being your ideal self.  And that leads to loving yourself right where you are.  Not in some distant future when you have achieved perfection.  Cuz that may never happen.

Why wait that long?  Do you intend to live forever?  I don’t.  Whilst I am here I intend to live my life to the fullest with plenty of magick, fun and adventure.

Vibelicious comments:

How about you?  Are you ready to let go of your Mr./Ms. Perfect Person?  If not, what is holding you back?

Remember kind, compassionate comments are always welcome.  Rude, mean comments aren’t and will be deleted.

Related Posts:

• Get Curious About You
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now
• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone
• How to Take Your Power Back

photo credit: WTL photos

Whoa…It’s here.  2010.

If I had been told that 2009 would be a great year for me, I wouldn’t be have been surprised at all.

Okay, I would’ve been a little surprised.  2008 was an okay year for me; 2007 was wildly chaotic and I couldn’t wait to see the end of it.

But…2009 was wild in a good way.

The Good Stuff

1. I got a new job working at a massage therapy clinic.  And left my old job in a chiropractor’s office which was draining me.
2. I moved to Santa Monica, California.  Yay, I always wanted to live here.
3. I became certified by the state of California as a massage therapist.
4. I wrote an e-book (not available yet as I am going through the editing process).
5. I entered the National Novel Writing Contest 2009 (didn’t finish, but I managed to write through the 3oth day).
6. I became a ShivaNaut; I am doing Shiva Nata every day.
7. I became a licensed driver.  Hooray!
8. I began a programme to change through changing my handwriting.   Updates to come.
   
9. I finally got a bed to sleep on instead of a futon, an air mattress, the floor, or my massage table.
10. I started this website!  I post every Tuesday and Friday. Hopefully!
11. I learned how to create a website on the WordPress publishing platform.
12. I began Awakening Level 1 in the Holosync meditation programme.
    
13. I lost weight this year; I am now 8.3 stone (roughly about 116 lbs.)
    

The Bad Stuff

I didn’t leave my last job as gracefully as I would have liked.  Instead of telling him the truth; I was burnt out from working very long hours without lunch or a break.  I wanted to make a clean break from him and step into my new job which I had the option of going full-time.

I had to take money out of my savings in order to afford the move into Santa Monica, California.  So now I have to rebuild my savings.  Not from scratch, but I do have to rebuild it.

I chose to let go of some very painful relationships, including that of a once dear friend.  I chose to let go of these relationships because I had grown away from these friends (and, in some cases, family) and being with people whom I had nothing in common with was painfully toxic.

What I Learned

I learned that mistakes are more than okay.  In fact, they are necessary to growing, expanding, and exploring.

I learned to like myself the way I am.  As I am.

I learned that I am not the grudge-holding, critical, judgmental person my mini-me (my conscious mind) has always told me I was.  I am patient, and it takes me longer to get truly annoyed with people and situations than I thought.

I learned I am more open and flexible than I had once thought possible.

What’s All of This Mean?

Through all the bad parts and good parts,  I changed alot.  I grew alot.  I took alot of risks.  I made alot of mistakes.  I use the word alot, alot. At least right here I do.

The point here is:  I was willing to turn up.  Sometimes the results I desired exceeded my expectations.  Sometimes they didn’t; in which case, I tried a new approach and watched the results.

Now you… what was your 2009 like?  Was it a great year for you?  A bad year?  Either way, what did you learn?

Vibelicious comments:  what did you learn from 2009?

Kind and loving comments appreciated.  Rude, mean comments will be deleted no exceptions!

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• The Passion Test
• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone
• Get Curious About You
• the Gift of Anger

photo credit: TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³

It’s November again; the year seems to have drifted by so quickly. Ordinarily, this time of year finds me plucking away, nose to grindstone at my massage therapy job. Usually, the months of November is quite uneventful; this year I’m doing something different.

I’m writing a novel in thirty days through the non-profit organisation, the National Novel Writing Contest (go here to find out how you can become involved.)

You read correctly. I am writing a 50,000 word novel that is going to be completed by November 30.
Why am I doing this? And how?

Let me answer the first question. I am doing this to expand my mind and to grow. Also, I have always wanted to write another novel. I wrote my first novel when I was about thirteen or fourteen.

What stopped me before were my limiting thoughts of hyper-perfection. Meaning that, I compared my hatchling novel to the great masterpieces of established authors.  What I didn’t see was that those writers’ works were edited; I never read their rough drafts.

Secondly, how? As I have mentioned above I signed up at the National Novel Writing Contest [dot] org.

About NaNoWriCo

NaNoWriCo is an exciting and fun contest that begins on November 1. The goal of each participant is to write an 175 page novel by midnight November 30.

Who NaNoWriCo is for?

NaNoWriCo is for people who have always longed to write an novel but never did do because they lacked support or just scared away by the prospect.

The point of the thirty day deadline is to inspire quantity over quality. And lower the participants expectations and motivate them to take risks. December is for editing the novel, if you desire to do so.

Of course, you will write alot of rubbish. But that’s okay; it’s part of the process. You’re supposed to make mistakes, and open up your mind so you can learn.

In addition, it’s very reassuring to know that, all around the world, other new novelists are facing the same excitment and challenges as you are. You are not alone. There’s even a forum for the NaNoWriCo novelists to connect with others in their times of challenge and opportunity.

How NaNoWrico works?

The process is simple.

1). You sign up at NaNoWriCo [dot] org.
2) Read the email from the website.
3). Log into your account, and set your preferences ( set your time zone, affiliate yourself with a region, and create your author bio.
4). Read all the writing tips that can help you get started.
5). On November 1, begin writing your novel.
6). Update your word count as often as you like. The word count box is at the top of the page near the login link.
7). On November 30, you upload the novel for verification of word count. At that time, you will be added to the hallowed winner’s page, and receive a winner’s certificate and badge. The upload process will be published in mid-November.

I must admit that starting that novel was more scary than exciting.

First, I couldn’t think of a story to write. Then I had far too many ideas for my novel. And I had far too many questions.
In the end, I chose to write a novel that would be fun; that I wouldn’t take seriously; that I could learn alot writing without getting overly attached to the outcome.

With this criteria, I began writing on November 3. It’s still too soon to tell what the outcome will be. Or how the story will end. But I don’t much care. All that matters to me now is to complete the novel by November 30, and inner growth. Any other outcome would be wonderful, but not necessary.

Win or lose is beside the point. I believe that I am a superstar for even embarking on the journey.

What’s my novel about?

I’m writing a fantasy novel for young adults involving fairies, wizards, and demons; some of my favourite supernaturals.

I’m looking forward to finding out what the story is about, because I have no idea. I started writing with the first scene that came to mind, and the words, ‘It was a dark and stormy night.’ Ha, ha!

I’ll keep you posted, fellow travelers, on my progress as I write a novel.

As I come to the end of this post, I wonder who I will be once I complete the novel? What will the world look like to me then? What will I look like to me when I finish?

I leave you, fellow travelers, with a question:

What have you always wanted to do that you have felt too scared to do? Could you devote November to taking steps towards that vision?

Share your insights!

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• The Passion Test
• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone

photo credit: seanmcgrath

As I was riding the bus this morning, lost in thought, I suddenly remembered a picture I had seen once called Snake Eyes (with Nicolas Cage); it’s the oft-told story of a corrupt cop who has a change of heart once he becomes entangled in a conspiracy to commit murder.

I was reminded that, at the end of the film, Cage’s character’s life into ruin despite the fact that he had chosen to do the right thing.

The correlation I made to my own spiritual journey through life was that, more often than not, when we change even a little bit of ourselves our lives usually will look like a mess to us and to everyone around us.

It’s virtually impossible to keep your reality the same while changing yourself. I have made hundreds of futile attempts to do so. All of them have been in vain. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reach for new possibilities and hold on to what we have for dear life.

So what can we do?

Surrender.

I define surrender as remaining present with your feelings and emotions in the present.  Right where you are now.  It is a process, not a destination.  It’s allowing what going on inside you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to okay without the need to judge whether your feelings, thoughts, actions are socially appropriate to others.

Is this easy?  Of course not.  Surrendering to the present isn’t easy at all.  Each and every day I choose to work on it.  I never surrender perfectly (if such a thing is possible).  And that isn’t important anyway.

What is important is allowing yourself to feel what you feel in the moment regardless of whether or not you, or others around you, like it.

Once you are able to be where you are when you are, you open yourself up to becoming more mindful; with mindfulness comes the ability to let go of things that no longer work, and move forwards towards things that are good for you.

Here are a few tips for surrendering to the now:

1). Get out in to nature. Being able to opt-out of your current reality for even a few minutes a day could help you de-stress enough to think more clearly.

2). Have fun. Every once in a while, step off the treadmill that is reality, and have some fun.  See a funny film.  Have a giggle with friends.  Do something you enjoy for at least ten minutes a day.

3). Be with people you love. If you are going to spend eight hours plus a day with people you really have no connection with, it’s important to balance that with time spent with people you do have a connection with.

4). Don’t take reality or yourself so seriously. This is a difficult one to do consistently.  I admit that I have challenges with this.  Sometimes I am just too angry or hurt to laugh.  Or sometimes I find myself buying into the illusion that I am a helpless victim of life, and must accept what little I get and be grateful for it.  Such perceptions can be grim indeed.  But remembering that nothing is permanent in this world keeps me from sinking into a morass of self-pity.

With the suggestions above, I can go with the flow more.  Be open.  And allow the Creative Force and time to work with me and for me.  Instead of against me.  I have the freedom to surrender, knowing that tomorrow brings with it the opportunity for new choices, new possibilities that did not exist before.  That is something that both and inspires and motivates me to keep trudging forward even when things appear bleak or scary.

How about you?

What changes have you resisted?  And what occurred when you allowed yourself to surrender and “go with the flow?” How do your reality change afterward?

Feel free to share your insights.

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

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photo credit: OakleyOriginals

“This one question – ‘What do I know for certain?’ – is tremendously powerful. When you look deeply into this question, it actually destroys your world. It destroys your whole sense of self, and it’s meant to. You come to see that everything you think you know about yourself, everything you think you know about the world, is based on assumptions, beliefs and opinions – things you believe because you were taught or told that they were true. Until we start to see these false perceptions for what they really are, consciousness will be imprisoned within the dream state.” Adyashanti, The End of Your World

It was on one of those self-reflective days on my daily walking meditation that it suddenly occurred to me that I have no definitions for success and authenticity and spirituality that were self-defined.

And it was causing me alot of pain and suffering.

I realised, as I revisited my past selves in my mind, that I often allowed the definitions and judgements of others define me, my level of success, and level of authenticity; whether it be family, friends, or other peers.  In fact, it never occurred to me to question what success, authenticity and spirituality meant to me.  I was too busy looking at the externals in every situation.  And coming up short in my estimation.

Also, I don’t know anything for certain about me, or my point of view.  I never took the time to self-reflect to the level that I do now.  I preferred to make others responsible for me self-esteem, my past and current choices, and current place in life.  It was quite frightening, honestly.

All of this happened because I wasn’t particularly curious about me.  Perhaps I was afraid of what I might discover.  Or, more truthfully, I thought I knew what sort of person I was.  And I saw no reason for further exploration.  I believed I was being self-accepting.

Then something within me changed.  I attended hypnotherapy school, and became quite fascinated with how I saw the world.  I wondered how I formed my perceptions and beliefs in the first place.  And my journey did not lead me back to my family, friends, or peers.  It lead me straight back to me; the originator and instigator in my life story.

Sideways:

The first inkling I had (this was before hypnotherapy school)  that I was the one in control of my mind, emotions, and life was while I was dining at my favourite thai/vegan restaurant on my lunch hour.  I had always defined myself as an independent loner type who had few friends because I wouldn’t let others close to me.

However, was this the truth?  Or a story I told myself?

Answer: it was a story.

I believed that I was powerless to change the story because this was just who I was.

That is, until the small still voice within me weighed in on the internal dialogue.  It was you who created the story, and the labels you come to know yourself by, it whispered, and you are the only one who can change them.  No one else.

This knocked me sideways.  I was responsible for causing myself pain.  Not my mum, my family, my past lovers and friends.  You mean it was me all along?  And it wasn’t written in stone, as I had believed, I could change it at any time?

I wish I could say the journey was always pleasant, filled with joy.  But it isn’t.  I wish I could say that the journey is over and I have landed in Enlightenment-ville; a place where enlightened souls live.  But I didn’t.  In fact, as of this writing, I am still learning about myself.  Every day, I question assumptions I have made about me and my place in the world.

Full tilt:

It wasn’t until I attended hypnotherapy school (hypnosis is a wonderful tool that allows people to understand well what their beliefs are, how they are formed, and if they serve them in any way) that I got very curious about me.  Instead of assuming that I knew all I needed to know about me, I began to question my assumptions.

I believe it’s not always possible to know for certain about anyone, including myself.  But what I do know about me is that I enjoy the process of discovering all about me.

Discovering about yourself is rather like building a house.  You have to first start with the foundations.  Core beliefs are those foundations formed in the early childhood.  An unexamined belief is like a flu virus; it can be dangerous to you if left unchecked.  Getting curious about yourself is like a antidote.

Here’s a question or two or three to get you started on your very own Get-Curious-About-You Journey:

• Who were you before the world decided who you were? Everyone of us had hopes and dreams that we may have innocently shared with our families with all of the awe and wonder of a child.  Only to have those desires wrested from our grasp by people who believed they knew how the world worked.  Here is your chance to reclaim those lost hopes and dreams.
• What dreams and hopes did you have as a child? And what made you give them up?  Did you grow and change in unexpected ways?  Or did you decide that you were being unrealistic?
• What was the characteristics that those around you most noticed? Were you shy, quiet, the showstopping extrovert?  I believe these labels are keys to sorting out who you really are and, even better,  who you want to be.

This journey begins with you.  You are the creator, the architect, the engineer of your beliefs, point of view, and dreams.  Isn’t it time that you become acquainted with you so you can make wiser choices that are in integrity with who you desire to become?

When you get curious about you, you throw off the shackles of externally defined limitations.  You can then become more open to the opportunities that are presenting themselves to you now instead of making choices based on your history.

Knowledge may not always be power, but it can be a helpful tool in getting unstuck and navigating change.

Enough from me.  It’s your turn.  Share your thoughts.

Peace & Healing, Fellow Travelers

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
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photo credit: Hamed Saber

Nice, easy to get along with, and politically correct of some of the phrases are some of the ways we try to polish off our crazy, wild, fragile edges in favour of something more socially acceptable to others.

Unfortunately, we don’t know, or forget, that the very things others don’t like about us are the seeds of our genius. It’s what makes us who we are.

Personally, I feel that being socially acceptable isn’t any fun. It’s hard denying who you are in favour of some facsimile. Ever tried to stop doing something that annoys someone else but that you love to do in order to keep the infamous peace?

I do. And my attempts usually ran out of mojo faster than it takes a Concorde to cross the Atlantic.

Sideways:

I love to talk. I love conversation. Throughout my life, I have always had people, who thought they meant well, informing me that I talk far too much for them. Of course, I would feel bad after this constructive criticism; and I would do my best to talk less. Naturally, this didn’t last long.

Why?

Because verbal communication was very important to me at that time. I don’t know of any other way to communicate my needs, wants, and expectations in my relationship with others without speech being involved. Interpretive dance just doesn’t work for me!

Full-tilt:

Everyone has shared their opinion about who are, what you’re good at, and what you’re not good at. These well-meaning people, whom include your family, friends, teachers, counselors, and colleges, have conditioned you to believe that they have a better idea of who you are and what you’re capable of. This is done through the grading system in schools; the three month evaluation period in most jobs. We have come to believe, that maybe others know us better than we do. That their external view of us is more accurate than our inside view.

Here’s the riff:

It isn’t. Denying all the less attractive aspects of ourselves in favour of the more attractive isn’t the answer. All that occurs is the nagging sense that you are driving in circles. You may start feeling resentful, put upon without knowing why.

Having a shadow side isn’t a bad thing, fellow travelers.  As a matter of fact, embracing your dark side is key to your genius. Your dark side is the centre of your contradictions.

How? you may ask.

First of all, if you are an enthusiastic person, your enthusiasm could be a blessing in one situation, and a curse in another.  Example, your enthusiastic side could be useful when leading a creative team and keeping them motivated; it’s a curse if your enthusiasm leads you to interrupt people when they are talking.

Same trait.  Different circumstances.

It’s time to start looking ourselves wholistically (yes, I changed the spelling of the word).  Instead of focusing on our positive aspects to the exclusion of all other parts of ourselves, it’s wise to look at the whole.

Another example:

The trait of stubbornness is often considered to be negative.  However, in certain circumstances, it can be a good thing.  Perseverance is linked to stubbornness.  It requires you to keeping moving forward in the face of (sometimes) overwhelming odds; it focuses your attention on the outcome or the short-term tasks at hand even when conventional wisdom contradicts what you know in your heart.

Need a more discriptive example?

Let’s say that you have decided to change careers.  You have a good job paying you very well with benefits.  You have all of the trappings of success (the cars, the home, the abundant bank account), but you feel that something is missing.  So, after some soul searching, you decide to go back to school to become an acupuncturist.  All of your friends and family think you’re insane and they tell you so.  But you choose to follow your heart, go back to school, get your degree, and open your own private practice.

You persevered, and yet you stubbornly chose to ignore what others told you in favour of what your spirit has told you.  In this case, to create your vision, you needed to embrace a socially acceptable hidden and disowned part of yourself to motivate yourself into action.

This holds true for alot of so-called “negative” traits.

This can be a challenge at first if you are in the habit of denying these shadow parts of yourself.  If you choose to work past your initial discomfort, you will find yourself experiencing a freedom, an awareness, you wouldn’t have discovered had you not been courageous enough to explore  the wild, the crazy, the icky within you.

What wild, crazy, icky parts have you hidden? And how have they provided new possibilities for you?

Look deeper.  You might be surprised at what you find.

Let me know what you discover in the comments.

Peace & Healing All

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photo credit: brendan.lally.

I’m always amazed when Halloween comes round.  It seems as if the year has just begun with all its promises and possibility intact.

Yes, I know that the New Year is observed in January.  However, the New Year I am observing is the pagan one.  At this time of the year, I begin looking forward to what new harvests I would like to plant;  at the same time, I begin the liberating, but sometimes uncomfortable, process of uncluttering my life and finishing up old projects.

I always look forward with alot of excitement like a child anticipating all the Christmas gifts s/he will be getting.  So without further ado, here’s my list of the five creative things for the new year.

Sideways, before I give you the list, let me give you my one and only guideline: 1). creative things can be big or small; the only person they have to satisfy is you.

Why 5?  Five seems manageable to me; prevents too much overthinking and hyper-analysing amd free us up to just declare our desires.  And eventually take action towards them.

Okay, moving onward…

My 5  Creative Things List

1). learn to ride a bike.  This has been a subject of shame for me since I was twelve and just couldn’t learn to balance on a bicycle properly.

2). learn to draw.  I would love to draw anything, and expand beyond the limits of the belief that says I can’t draw and can’t ever learn to draw.

3). learn to play blues guitar.  I love music and the blues is the foundation for practically every form of music in the Western world.

4). learn to skateboard.  This one would allow me to get over my fears of physically being hurt, and allow me to embrace my inner daredevil!  Besides, skate boarding is really cool to me.

5). get my first tattoo.  My idea is to get one of the Tibetan Om symbol.  I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but was afraid to get one  due to finances and pain.  But since I am a certified hypnotherapist, I’ve sorted out that I can simply numb the area with hypnosis.

Now you.  What 5 creative things would you be excited to accomplish?

Feel free to leave your answers in the comments section below.

Until next time, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing

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