the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: Joel Bedford

I have always wanted to meditate.  I read many self-help books that suggest meditation as part of everyone’s spiritual practice.  However, my attempts to sit still whilst thinking nothing proved to futile.  I could no more get my mind to shut up than I could shepard a herd of cats.  Frustrated with my lack of progress, I stopped.  Until I heard of a new meditation programme that promised I could meditate like a  zen monk

Huh?  And how, exactly, was I going to do that?  I couldn’t get my mind to sit still; it was as restless as a four-year old child on a sugar high.  How was I going to achieve that impossible goal?

Enter Holosync

In late 2008, I found Holosync.  I read and read the website at least seven times before I ordered the free demo.  I was impressed enough with the demo to order the first programme in the Holosync series, Awakening Prologue.  The Holosync programme uses binural beats to slow down the brainwaves to the Alpha levels where, it’s believed, that the mind is in a more resourceful and relaxed state.  Free of the clutter and shatter of the wakening state; aka, the Beta level.

And, I’ve got to say, that I am loving it.

First of all, my busy bee of a mind can buzz all over the place without me resisting it, and I still feel myself gradually relaxing to the point that I feel my mind let go.  Brilliant!  And wicked, besides!

That was about 2 years ago, and I have progressed to the next level, Awakening Level One.  Which is also wonderful!

However, I am not writing this post as an endorsement for Holosync.  Because I believe that Holosync is not for everyone.  Any more than any other system of meditation is for everyone.

Whether you choose to work in your garden, take walks on the beach, surf in the early morning hours, or just take a walkabout round the neighbourhood.  Meditation takes as many forms as there are people populating the Earth.

Please do not feel the need to force yourself to sit in the lotus position for hours while chanting some mantra, if you don’t feel any joy at all doing it.  Meditation is supposed to be restful.  And if you are not feeling relaxed and peaceful then you are practicing a form of meditation that’s not for you.  I encourage you to cease and desist right now, if you like.  Explore and discover other form that might appeal to you more.  Transcendental Meditation, Holosync, Mindfulness meditation, or Japa meditation (a form of mantra-based mediation) are all great starting points.

You can even tool about in your garage, fixing things if it quiets your mind and lets you hear the voice of your spirit, intuition, or Inner Authority.  Or whatever you desire to call it.

The point is, that meditation has many wellness benefits that are helpful on all levels from the physical to the spiritual.

7 Reasons to Meditate

1. Decreases the negative effects of stress. In a University of Massachusetts study, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D recorded the brain waves of  employees of a Madison, Wisconsin high tech firm.  These employees were highly stressed.  The employees were split randomly into two groups with 25 of them being trained to meditate for eight weeks.  Whilst the other group of 16 were left alone as the control group.  The participants had their brains scanned three time during the experiment; in the beginning of the study, at the eight week mark (the end of the study), and four months after that.  The researchers discovered that the mediators were calmer and happier.  (Psychology Today, April 2003, Colin Allen).
2. Leads to greater physical relaxation. Did you know that when you are in a state of enhanced stress all of the blood in the body tend to flow towards the arms, legs, heart and lungs; whilst a bit less to the digestive system? This is because the body believes there is danger, and you need to run away when in danger.
3. Decreases muscle tension. A reduction in muscle tension means more blood and oxygen flow to the muscles, making them more relaxed.  And creating a happier body experiencing less pain due to muscle tightness.  And when the muscles relax so do the joints, ligaments, and bones.
   
4. Lowers heart rate. Meditation slows down the brain waves Alpha (the relaxed brain waves) from Beta (the more stress-inducing waves, depending on how high the Beta waves are).  Lower heart rates (in healthy people) can result in less adrenaline and cortisone hormones in the blood stream.  With less of these hormones in the system, you don’t over eat to medicate yourself.  Or run down your immune system.  And a lower heart rate (in healthy people) can be beneficial to the cardiovascular system; for example, an athlete in peak physical condition (such as Lance Armstrong) can have a resting heart rate of 47 beats per minute.  This is helpful because it means that the heart doesn’t have to work so hard to circulate blood, nutrients, and oxygen to the body.
   
5. Gives your immune system a boost. The immune system get repressed sometimes when we maintain overly stressful states of being for long periods of time.  This sometimes the reason why you might be prone to catch a cold more easily when you are experiencing more stress.
   
6. Produces beneficial changes in brain activity, harmonising the endocrine and nervous systems. This is because the brain switches over from the busy right frontal cortex to the calmer left frontal cortex resulting in calmer and happier brains and emotional states.  When you are relaxed and calm, your body’s systems tend to work more in harmony than in more stress-inducing states.
   
7. Increases creativity, focus, and concentration. Have you ever been fixing a car, planting in a garden, walking along the beach or your neighbourhood and noticed all the really wicked ideas that occur to you during these times?  While the mind is occupied consciously doing another activity, your subconscious mind gets a chance to come out, talk to you and play.

10 Minutes Per Day to Increased Creativity, Focus, and Concentration, etc..

As you can see, you don’t have to retreat to a Buddhist monastery and devote 30 years of your life to the solitary pursuit of enlightenment while meditating facing a bare wall.  You can just go to your garden or other sacred place (even if it’s your favourite meditation chair) and reap the benefits of meditation.

It only takes about 10 minutes per day to enjoy increased creativity, focus, and concentration.  You’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain by taking the first step.

Start right where you are.  Go out in the garden.  Go to the beach.  Get out in nature and take a walk.  Let your mind clear.  And I’ll see you right back here to tell me what you got out of meditating.

Let me know about your meditating experiences in the comments.

Vibelicious comments: Be excellent to each other.  Only kind and respectful comments are welcome.

Related Posts:

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• the Gift of Anger
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• the Blessing of Uniqueness

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photo credit: joiseyshowaa)

Have you seen Leo Babauta’s ( of Zen Habits) new site, 6 changes?

6 changes is an excellent solution to the challenge of new year’s resolutions that don’t happen.

Leo suggests picking 6 habits you like to change in the coming year, and devoting eight week timeblocks to building each habit.  This gives you two months build a new habit so that at the end of the year, you have made progress on your yearly intentions.

Test Driving 6 Changes in 2010

I have some habits I’d like to adopt in order to move myself up to the level of living I feel would be best for me to live the life I want to live.  I’m looking forward to seeing if Leo’s philosophy for change can help me.

Wanna join me?

• Begin a vegetarian lifestyle, eating 75% raw and whole food.
• Learn photography.
• Start a four-piece rock  n’ soul band.
• Write my second e-book.
• Start a Pilates and/or yoga practice at least three times a week.
• Support myself in a full-time private practice as a therapeutic massage therapist/bodyworker, hypnotherapist, and energy healer.

Wow!  These look like big changes to make in the span of one year, but Leo suggests focusing less on the end point and more on the small details that make up the outcome.  Besides, focusing on the outcome in twelve months feels overwhelming to me.  Better to focus my attention in two month increments, and let the outcome take care of itsself.

6 Changes I Made in 2009

• I moved to Santa Monica, CA
• Changed jobs.
• Wrote my first e-book.
• Create this website.
• Became a state of CA certified Massage Therapist/Bodyworker
• Got my CA driver’s license.

I won’t pretend to anyone that these changes were easy, but they impacted my life in significant and positive ways.  I wouldn’t go back and change a moment of that journey no matter how challenging things might have looked at the time.

Now it’s your turn.  What 6 changes would you like to make in 2010? Feel free to leave your answers in the comments.

Vibelicious Comments: Be excellent to each other.  Rude and/or mean comments will be deleted.

Related Posts:

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photo credit: seanmcgrath

As I was riding the bus this morning, lost in thought, I suddenly remembered a picture I had seen once called Snake Eyes (with Nicolas Cage); it’s the oft-told story of a corrupt cop who has a change of heart once he becomes entangled in a conspiracy to commit murder.

I was reminded that, at the end of the film, Cage’s character’s life into ruin despite the fact that he had chosen to do the right thing.

The correlation I made to my own spiritual journey through life was that, more often than not, when we change even a little bit of ourselves our lives usually will look like a mess to us and to everyone around us.

It’s virtually impossible to keep your reality the same while changing yourself. I have made hundreds of futile attempts to do so. All of them have been in vain. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reach for new possibilities and hold on to what we have for dear life.

So what can we do?

Surrender.

I define surrender as remaining present with your feelings and emotions in the present.  Right where you are now.  It is a process, not a destination.  It’s allowing what going on inside you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to okay without the need to judge whether your feelings, thoughts, actions are socially appropriate to others.

Is this easy?  Of course not.  Surrendering to the present isn’t easy at all.  Each and every day I choose to work on it.  I never surrender perfectly (if such a thing is possible).  And that isn’t important anyway.

What is important is allowing yourself to feel what you feel in the moment regardless of whether or not you, or others around you, like it.

Once you are able to be where you are when you are, you open yourself up to becoming more mindful; with mindfulness comes the ability to let go of things that no longer work, and move forwards towards things that are good for you.

Here are a few tips for surrendering to the now:

1). Get out in to nature. Being able to opt-out of your current reality for even a few minutes a day could help you de-stress enough to think more clearly.

2). Have fun. Every once in a while, step off the treadmill that is reality, and have some fun.  See a funny film.  Have a giggle with friends.  Do something you enjoy for at least ten minutes a day.

3). Be with people you love. If you are going to spend eight hours plus a day with people you really have no connection with, it’s important to balance that with time spent with people you do have a connection with.

4). Don’t take reality or yourself so seriously. This is a difficult one to do consistently.  I admit that I have challenges with this.  Sometimes I am just too angry or hurt to laugh.  Or sometimes I find myself buying into the illusion that I am a helpless victim of life, and must accept what little I get and be grateful for it.  Such perceptions can be grim indeed.  But remembering that nothing is permanent in this world keeps me from sinking into a morass of self-pity.

With the suggestions above, I can go with the flow more.  Be open.  And allow the Creative Force and time to work with me and for me.  Instead of against me.  I have the freedom to surrender, knowing that tomorrow brings with it the opportunity for new choices, new possibilities that did not exist before.  That is something that both and inspires and motivates me to keep trudging forward even when things appear bleak or scary.

How about you?

What changes have you resisted?  And what occurred when you allowed yourself to surrender and “go with the flow?” How do your reality change afterward?

Feel free to share your insights.

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

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photo credit: Hamed Saber

Nice, easy to get along with, and politically correct of some of the phrases are some of the ways we try to polish off our crazy, wild, fragile edges in favour of something more socially acceptable to others.

Unfortunately, we don’t know, or forget, that the very things others don’t like about us are the seeds of our genius. It’s what makes us who we are.

Personally, I feel that being socially acceptable isn’t any fun. It’s hard denying who you are in favour of some facsimile. Ever tried to stop doing something that annoys someone else but that you love to do in order to keep the infamous peace?

I do. And my attempts usually ran out of mojo faster than it takes a Concorde to cross the Atlantic.

Sideways:

I love to talk. I love conversation. Throughout my life, I have always had people, who thought they meant well, informing me that I talk far too much for them. Of course, I would feel bad after this constructive criticism; and I would do my best to talk less. Naturally, this didn’t last long.

Why?

Because verbal communication was very important to me at that time. I don’t know of any other way to communicate my needs, wants, and expectations in my relationship with others without speech being involved. Interpretive dance just doesn’t work for me!

Full-tilt:

Everyone has shared their opinion about who are, what you’re good at, and what you’re not good at. These well-meaning people, whom include your family, friends, teachers, counselors, and colleges, have conditioned you to believe that they have a better idea of who you are and what you’re capable of. This is done through the grading system in schools; the three month evaluation period in most jobs. We have come to believe, that maybe others know us better than we do. That their external view of us is more accurate than our inside view.

Here’s the riff:

It isn’t. Denying all the less attractive aspects of ourselves in favour of the more attractive isn’t the answer. All that occurs is the nagging sense that you are driving in circles. You may start feeling resentful, put upon without knowing why.

Having a shadow side isn’t a bad thing, fellow travelers.  As a matter of fact, embracing your dark side is key to your genius. Your dark side is the centre of your contradictions.

How? you may ask.

First of all, if you are an enthusiastic person, your enthusiasm could be a blessing in one situation, and a curse in another.  Example, your enthusiastic side could be useful when leading a creative team and keeping them motivated; it’s a curse if your enthusiasm leads you to interrupt people when they are talking.

Same trait.  Different circumstances.

It’s time to start looking ourselves wholistically (yes, I changed the spelling of the word).  Instead of focusing on our positive aspects to the exclusion of all other parts of ourselves, it’s wise to look at the whole.

Another example:

The trait of stubbornness is often considered to be negative.  However, in certain circumstances, it can be a good thing.  Perseverance is linked to stubbornness.  It requires you to keeping moving forward in the face of (sometimes) overwhelming odds; it focuses your attention on the outcome or the short-term tasks at hand even when conventional wisdom contradicts what you know in your heart.

Need a more discriptive example?

Let’s say that you have decided to change careers.  You have a good job paying you very well with benefits.  You have all of the trappings of success (the cars, the home, the abundant bank account), but you feel that something is missing.  So, after some soul searching, you decide to go back to school to become an acupuncturist.  All of your friends and family think you’re insane and they tell you so.  But you choose to follow your heart, go back to school, get your degree, and open your own private practice.

You persevered, and yet you stubbornly chose to ignore what others told you in favour of what your spirit has told you.  In this case, to create your vision, you needed to embrace a socially acceptable hidden and disowned part of yourself to motivate yourself into action.

This holds true for alot of so-called “negative” traits.

This can be a challenge at first if you are in the habit of denying these shadow parts of yourself.  If you choose to work past your initial discomfort, you will find yourself experiencing a freedom, an awareness, you wouldn’t have discovered had you not been courageous enough to explore  the wild, the crazy, the icky within you.

What wild, crazy, icky parts have you hidden? And how have they provided new possibilities for you?

Look deeper.  You might be surprised at what you find.

Let me know what you discover in the comments.

Peace & Healing All

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photo credit: brendan.lally.

I’m always amazed when Halloween comes round.  It seems as if the year has just begun with all its promises and possibility intact.

Yes, I know that the New Year is observed in January.  However, the New Year I am observing is the pagan one.  At this time of the year, I begin looking forward to what new harvests I would like to plant;  at the same time, I begin the liberating, but sometimes uncomfortable, process of uncluttering my life and finishing up old projects.

I always look forward with alot of excitement like a child anticipating all the Christmas gifts s/he will be getting.  So without further ado, here’s my list of the five creative things for the new year.

Sideways, before I give you the list, let me give you my one and only guideline: 1). creative things can be big or small; the only person they have to satisfy is you.

Why 5?  Five seems manageable to me; prevents too much overthinking and hyper-analysing amd free us up to just declare our desires.  And eventually take action towards them.

Okay, moving onward…

My 5  Creative Things List

1). learn to ride a bike.  This has been a subject of shame for me since I was twelve and just couldn’t learn to balance on a bicycle properly.

2). learn to draw.  I would love to draw anything, and expand beyond the limits of the belief that says I can’t draw and can’t ever learn to draw.

3). learn to play blues guitar.  I love music and the blues is the foundation for practically every form of music in the Western world.

4). learn to skateboard.  This one would allow me to get over my fears of physically being hurt, and allow me to embrace my inner daredevil!  Besides, skate boarding is really cool to me.

5). get my first tattoo.  My idea is to get one of the Tibetan Om symbol.  I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but was afraid to get one  due to finances and pain.  But since I am a certified hypnotherapist, I’ve sorted out that I can simply numb the area with hypnosis.

Now you.  What 5 creative things would you be excited to accomplish?

Feel free to leave your answers in the comments section below.

Until next time, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing

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photo credit: inottawa

It occurred to me yesterday after reading a particularly powerful post by Danielle LaPorte at WhiteHotTruth.com (read it here), that I have always been ashamed by how I want to feel about my visions.  I have mucked-up many a wonderful vision with self destructive stories.  Problem was, I believed these stories.

Okay. Pause.

Here’s a story. Yay!

I am a musician, and my greatest dream was to be a rock star with the tour buses, adoring fans, number one songs, the works.  I want fame and fortune.  And I wanted them larger than life.

Why?

Beacause I wanted to feel special.  Celebrities are treated special; they get gifts when they go to the oscars; people queue up ten deep to take their picture; people ask for the autograph; others hang on to their every word.

My first mistake was reading the new age books that implied that wanting to feel special or be treated special meant that I was an unevolved lemming who obviously doesn’t know what’s truly important.  What’s important is that we are all the same on a spiritual level (sayeth the New Age gurus); and, therefore, we should all strive to be equal (the same) on this plane of existence, too. Anyone who sees themselves as special is clearly a negative influence and should be stoned (okay, I’m making up the last part) for furthering the illusion of isolation and separation.

Whew!

So who wants to be a bad person?  Not me!

Back to the present.  Here’s the fire starting questions that began my current healing journey.

Is it wrong to feel a certain way?  If so, says who?  More to the point, how can I begin to be okay with wanting to feel a certain way and see where that takes me?

Is it wrong to want to feel special? I ask myself.  A better question would be: what would make me feel special?

First of all, when I answer that question, what comes to mind is that 1). people who listen to me because I am an expert, 2). I would be centre stage at events and workshops, 3). I’d be paid very well by clients who value what I do, 4). I’d also have the freedom to do what I love without compromise or apology.

I’m tired of feeling guilty for wanting to feel a certain way.  I want to give myself the freedom to embrace these so-called guilty feelings and desires to see where they lead.  I’ve tried the alternative, and it doesn’t work for me.  It may not be easy to follow this path with heart.  However, I know that if I continue on I can expect to heal, expand, and grow.  Perhaps there is a divine reason.

I’m ready.  How about you?

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

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• the Gift of Anger
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photo credit: Simon Blackley

It’s amazing looking back from the perspective of someone in the shade of 25. Looking back, I see how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve changed. Not too long ago, I had long braids, wore a green silk scarf over my head, and dressed in California neo-hippie chic while living in Liverpool, England. I remember being deeply involved in the search to find myself, my right people, and my place in the world.

A few years later has made all the difference. I am now a State of California certified massage therapist, specialising in rehabilitative and sports injury massage and bodywork. I am a certified hypnotherapist, a Reiki Master Practitioner/Teacher. From lost and going nowhere quickly to having  almost an entire alphabet after my name.

Dear Sean @ 21;

1. Schools are prisons for the mind. You can learn more on your own by studying what truly interests you.
2. Having money, cars, and a big house doesn’t make you a success. You’re a success when you are doing what you love and making a difference in the world doing it.
3. Learn to value your own good opinion over everyone else’s. Other people will come and go in your life, but you are the one constant. Give yourself the gift of thinking well of yourself.
4.There’s no such thing as destiny. You cre the creator and master of your life. It really is your responsibility. Choose well.
5. Your supposed to make mistakes in order to learn. Don’t be afraid to make lots of mistakes.
6. Don’t bother chasing the money. Trust me. You will be bored; the work will be hard. And you won’t make any money at it anyway.
7. Be honest. Even though others may not always appreciate your honesty, share your truth. Your peoplehood will appreciate it greatly.
8. There isn’t always a rational explanation for everything. Allow life to be a wondrous journey.
9. Meditation is good. Do it your way, darlin’. There’s more to meditation than sitting in the painful Lotus Position while repeating a mantra you’re not certain you’re saying right.
10. Don’t lend out books you love and want to keep.
11. Your soul’s mission is what you say it is. It isn’t written in the sky. Don’t wait for a supernatural force to appear in a halo of light to start defining your purpose. Define it yourself.
12. You are not a morning person, sweetpea. It’s okay to not want to wake up before 9 am.
13. You can make money doing what you love despite what your family has told you.
14. Trust your intuition when it tells you to do something, say something, or go somewhere. It’s usually right.
15. Experiment with your sexuality. Life is too short to lock yourslef into a category that may not suit you. Anyway, you should kiss another woman at least once in your life. Maybe twice.
16. There’s nothing wrong with you. Know that. Despite what your family, friends, or colleagues may have told you. You are a wonderful person; nothing is broken. Nothing needs fixing. If someone tells you differently, ignore them.
17. Don’t believe everything you think. Not every thought you have about yourself is right. As a matter of fact, any thought that makes you feel bad about yourself is a thought you ignore.
18. Don’t believe everything everyone else says either. You can listen if you life, but don’t believe what they say all the time. People have their stories, too. And their stories are as erroneous as yours.
19. Diplomacy is overrated.
20. Just because someone ahs written a book, or has letters after their name does not mean they are an authority. More importantly, the only authority on you and your life is you.
21. Life gets better each and every day…

Believe me.

Peace & Healing

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I was taking one my many mid day catnaps on my first day off when my eyes caught on a book I have not read in a while.  It’s called The Passion Test by Janet Attwood.

I read the book and took the Passion Test a while ago.  But I have since retaken the survey to see where I am today.

So without further ado, here’s my passions list!
Top 10 11 Passions List

1. Having fun, magick, and adventure in all aspects of my life
2. Exploring, growing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically
3. Participating actively in my self-determination by doing what I want when I want
4. Writing, singing, performing, recording, producing indie soul music
5. Being happily self-employed as a spiritual teacher, holistic health practitioner, transformational speaker, and writer
6. Embracing my strangeness completely
7. Being an enlightened multimillionaire
8. Helping people embrace their originality and live the life of their dreams
9. Writing fantasy novels for young adults
10. Speaking inspirational, transformational and spiritual subjects to individuals and large groups
11. Learning and teaching new things to myself and others
12. Maintaining my sense of inner peace

What’s the difference between a passion and a goal?  Janet Attwood, author of the Passion Test, defines a passion this way: “A passion is how you choose to live your life.”  While a goal is ” something you aim to achieve.”  For example, a passion could be “being a multimillionaire.”  But a goal would be “making $5 million in three years.”

I would add that a passion comes from your spirit which is unique, full of energy, and is what you love.  A goal is created by your mind.  Ideally a goal aligns with your deepest passions instead of vice versa.

See the difference?

No?

Okay.  Passions are about progress.  Goals about outcomes.

Clarity about your passions allows you to create goals that will help you create the life you love.  Goals are valuable, but it is  ideal to find out what your passions are first.  Then explore the goals that would best align with them.

What are your passions?  How do you choose to live your life?

If you would like to get clarity about your passions, read or take  the Passion Test. Could change the way you see yourself in relation to the world.

Alright, that’s it for today, fellow travelers!

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• the Blessing of Uniqueness
• Get Curious About You
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photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

So today I thought I would pontificate on being yourself, and why there’s a wacky, wild, and weird magick in that.

Now I used to think the way to happiness was to allow other people to give constructive criticism and then twist myself into lovely little knots attempting to be all things to all people.  Then one day I realised that was “for the pigeons.”  People have all sorts of issues that they will happily project onto you without a single thought to the contrary.  I once encountered a guy (sadly, I dated him!) who saw me as a cold, narrow-minded person.  I thought this was hilarious coming from a guy who couldn’t spell narrow-minded let alone cold.

The guy was a never ending source of comedic material that I laugh out loud about to this day.  I digress, however.  What I was going to say was being your adorable little freaky self is where it is at, fellow travelers.  Haven’t we all tried to be what others wanted, hoped for, expected?  Only to have the same people find fault with the ‘us’ we created at their request.

The reason for this is this.  People do not respect people whom they can twist like a bendable straw on a whim.  People do not appreciate the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years spent creating a self that they would love.  Not only will they not thank you for listening to their well-meaning advice on how to eradicate all of your quirks, faults, and foibles; they will look at you askance as if you had grown a second head, a third eye, and two more arms.

Is this you?

Creative, wonderful, wanderer who can’t stand working 9 to 5 in an office as the “tea girl?”  (It’s an English thing. Bear with me.)  Would rather travel the world, learning new languages, and letting your heart decide your next adventure?

And then you told this to your mother, best friend, and your great aunt all in one week. Next thing you know, you are sitting in a cubicle and five years have passed since you last had a conversation with your soul.

Yeah, but… I have bills to pay, etc.* (pontificate further, o great one, on the yeah buts, please…)

Yes, I understand that.  I am not that far removed from the concept of working for a living.  But I prefer my time to more soulfully spent.  I hate suits, underwear, living by a clock, and getting up early.  All the things necessary to succeed in the corporate world.  I should know, fellow travelers.  I have tried to fit into the traditional path.  But, like Cinderella’s two step-sisters, the glass slipper did not fit.  I was a dismal failure.

I tried working a job with Social Security, but my first day inside under fluorescent lighting, watching the clock creep ever slowly towards five o’clock I had an epiphany.  It was this:  I hate work! To say this was torture is cruel slur to torture itself.  I couldn’t wait to get out of there! When I told my mother I was quitting, I am certain she saw all of her dreams of receiving a bi- weekly stipend while she acted like a hausfrau (she did not have a husband) go up in flames.

“Are you mad?” she sniffed.

Oh, yes.  Yes, completely.  After that, I watched tv, slept, and collected the dole.  Did I mention I was also on psychotropic drugs?  NO!  Well, I was.  And this is what happened to me when my lift (elevator) hit the ground.  By this I mean, when I refused to let myself be its own freaky self, I ended up on meds just to live a life of quiet desperation.

Eventually, I got saved.  A little voice in my head (No, not a psychotic voice!) suggested I move to California (the home of my cosmic brothers, the Red Hot Chili Peppers).  Natch, my family thought I was nuts!  Nothing new.

My grandmum asked, “How will we get your body back if you die?”  She was concerned that I might die in riot or an earthquake. (Really, Gran?)

My mother asked,  “What about your dole cheque?”

Seriously, mum?  I thought.  Okay, I think it has been established that I have your typical mum issues.  Moving on.

My sister wanted to know why I was giving away my cherished possessions without batting an eye.  I need the money, sister dear.

After everyone weighed in.  I felt unsupported, shell-shocked and alone.  I tried to get support from my grandmum, but she laughed in my face when she saw me crying.  (Yet, I’m considered the crazy one!) Seriously, gran?

I wish I were joking about all of this.  However, a part of me being me is the fact that I come from a family only slightly less barmy (English thing again.  Means a bit crazy, nuts, bananas,  complete fruit loops, etc) than the Addams Family.

If you can’t guess, I moved to California faster than it takes the Concorde to cross the Pond.  In Cali, I became the divine, holy fool, blessed freak I was meant to be all along.  A fairie-loving, angel channeling, cowboy hat wearing, urban mystic faerie goddess who adores the colour purple.  A rainbow girl finally in RainbowLand.

And you know what?  I like myself much better now.  I let things go. By this I mean, I stopped grokking with the so-called real world.  I changed my name, address myself in the third person, and stepped into the wild fullness of being the me I choose to be.  And, I must say, it is magickal.  I can’t wait to read the next chapter in my life.  I really don’t know who I am gonna turn up as next.  The third person speaking nut job who doesn’t over-identify with her mind.  The recovering New Ager turned sorcerer.  The Urban Mystic writer, masquerading as a cosmic clown.  Who knows?  That’s the fun part, fellow travelers.  Not knowing which me I’m gonna meet today, tomorrow.

Natch, I get the occasional person who feels it is their duty to inform me of some character flaw I have.  Something like, “You sure do talk alot.”  The subtext being that they don’t like it, and would rather I practiced being a mute.  Or live my life in pantomime.  Or whatever the hell it is they think I should do.  Unsolicited constructive criticism?  Who the f*** cares?

Here’s the thing.  I talk with a purpose.  I tell stories to help guide people to their own inner wisdom.  I listen, too.  I nod my head a lot.

I’d like to leave you with this little raindrop of weirdness, fellow travelers: fly your pirate colours!  Fly your freak flag high!

Like wearing rainbow coloured socks while walking in the rain.  Great!  Do that!  And don’t let anyone else talk you out of it.  Even if they whisper, “Everyone will think you’re mad.”  Let the world think you’re mad.

FYI:  most people in the world aren’t even interested in what you wear, eat, or that you exist.  Only a small amount of people in the world give a toss about your personal choices.  And that is because they have a lot invested in you following their rules and validating their choices.

I implore you to introduce your mind to the concept that it is possible to live in this world while being yourself, and, more importantly, others of a like mind will be attracted to you.  But you have to be flying your colours first.  That’s the first step.

Here’s an action step, my fellow travelers. It begins with a question like all good hero’s journeys.  Riddle me this:  what can you do to fly your freak flag today?

Answer the question, and take action.

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• How Our Stories Create Our Realities
• the Gift of Anger
• the Blessing of Uniqueness
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill

photo credit: piermario

Just recently I awoke to the realisation that I am not the person I thought I was.  I was told by my FOO ( Family Of Origin) that I did not like children ( I was thirteen at the time);  I was hardly warm and fuzzy (in fact, I was an introverted loner who lived through books, did not get kissed, and never even had a boyfriend).  For years, I accepted this as the who that I was.  Never questioned it.  Then one day I am in Shiatsu class when I suddenly realise that not one of my classmates would describe me as an introvert. That was the beginning of me questioning who I really am.

Not that I ask that question every day.  But I have made a point of asking.  At this moment the answer would be different from, say, tomorrow’s moment.  Today, I would say that I don’t think I am really anything.  I think I am an ever-changing being that has no real adjective.  Just because the person that I am has no adjectives does not mean that I don’t have a particular preference for certain word descriptions.  For example, if I were to describe myself to someone else I would say I am a “creative, peace–loving free-spirited urban mystic.”  But I don’t believe that is the sum and grand total of who I am.  Just a preferred description.

But I digress.

A couple of days ago, I contemplated that stories that I have often heard my family repeat.  Here’s at least two of them.

When I was a baby, my grandmother used to give me baths.  She just loved my baby soft skin, and jet black baby fine hair.  One day, she decided to wash my hair with this home remedy her mother used to wash her hair with.  After she washed my hair with it, the story goes, my hair went wild and kinkly (Yeah, you read it right.  Kinkly!  I am making up new words now)  ever after.  My mother seemed to make a point of sharing this story with me whenever she combed, brushed or otherwise styled my hair.  The point being that, while everyone else in the family had “nice, good hair”, I had wild, kinkly, barbed wire hair.

This story was very hurtful and did alot to harm my self esteem.  In fact, up until recently, I repeated the story to myself habitually.  What happened recently?  I am so glad you asked,  fellow traveler.

I was sitting at my computer contemplating the nature of reality (yep, that sounds good!) when it suddenly occurred to me that the so-called “home remedy” my grandmother used to wash my hair had stripped away all the natural oils in my hair, drying it out.

Do you know the impact this had on my belief system and self-esteem?

Well, let me tell you!

I went from believing that there was something fundamentally wrong with me to there’s nothing wrong with me in a matter of nano seconds.  I went from believing a story that was no more true than the fact that I might have green hair, and green hair is bad.

Bbbbut wait!  There’s more!

Not only did I rewrite that self-esteem busting belief;  it had a cascade effect.  It caused me to examine and rewrite other beliefs that relied upon the above belief as a foundation.

Can you say revelation, fellow travelers?   It was one of the early building blocks in what I now know as self-esteem.  But I would not learn that until much later.

I spent too much time trying to get the wrong people to like me.  What do I mean by that?  How do I explain that?  Hmmm.

Let me say this.  A great deal of my life has been spent hearing harsh criticisms and judgments about my physical appearance, personality, and general character.  These assessments were done by friends, family, peers, and, in general, anyone who assumed they possessed a personal connection to me by virtue of the fact the we shared space and breathed the same air the same time.  Such criticism and judgments include:

• you’re too skinny
• your hair is too kinky
• you talk too much
• you are so negative
• you are not very warm or friendly
• your arms and legs are so skinny, they look like kermit the frog’s
• you are so lazy
• why can’t you be like so and so…
• your feet are so big (this coming from my mother whose size nine feet are bigger than mine; she liked to call my feet “clodhoppers”
• and many more

Here’s what I realise now: all these people who found fault with me were not my “right people.”  My “right people” find me perfectly delightful.  In fact, they love me just as I am.  They would not change a thing.  If I want to change something, they are cool with that.  But change is not a prerequisite when it comes to our relationship.  When I realised this, I mourned all the years spent taking people’s criticism at face value.  I mourned the innocent me that listened to them and then attempted to twist myself into a pretzel to conform to their ideas of what is likeable and loveable.

Let me give you an example of this.  I love to talk.  Now I don’t love to talk for the sake of talking.  I talk with a purpose.  And the purpose is this:  I like to discuss ideas and inspirations with, learn from, and teach others.  Particularly in the realm of inner growth, metaphysics, and quantum physics.  I love to share mind-expanding, soul-enriching ideas with people.  Odd that I never thought about this before, but, yes, I have no interest in talking about me, me, me.  For years and years, the way people told it, I was a never-ending word vominator.  I just talked, talked, talked without ceasing.  (People just don’t listen.  And they don’t listen when they would rather you shut your gob so they can open theirs.)

Now based on this new insight, I can now look at the story that “I talk too much” with new eyes.  I can begin the process of rewriting a new core belief that says, “I talk with a purpose.  I am passionate about sharing and learning new ideas from and with people.”  See?  In one short leap I go from self-centred blabbermouth to active-listening speaker with a purpose.  And this new thought, fellow travelers,  inspires divine ideas like, “Talking is a passion for me.  Why don’t I use this gift to help others?”  So now I am attending Toastmasters with the intention of becoming a public speaker/workshop leader extraordinaire.

You’re wondering what “right people” are, right?  I didn’t forget.  “Right people” are the people who resonate and vibrate in harmony with you.  For example, if you are a person who loves monster trucks, your “right people” are other monster truck-loving people.  Anyone who thinks monster trucks are for morons, not your “right people”, okay?  (Don’t give me credit for this idea; I learned it from Havi Brooks at the fluent self dot com.)  What I want for everyone is to have the joy of finding and “hangin’ out with” their “right people.”  Spending time with the wrong people is soul-destroying and boring.  And who wants that?

Oh, dear.  I believe have gone on a bit long, haven’t I?  Well, anyway.  As you can see, core beliefs are the stuff we make ourselves out of.  Not just our reality, but ourselves.  If you do not like the stuff you are made of, you are in charge of changing the material (ie, the story) you are telling yourself and the world.  Once the story changes, reality is not far behind.  And the world is one step closer to healing.

Got that?  Good!   The world is waiting for you.  The world needs your help.

Oh, and always, let your freak flag fly, people!

Peace & Healing All

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• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
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