the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: wakalani

Every once in a while the Universe throws you a curve ball in answer to a question or the internal shout for help.  In my case, it was seeing an Avon commercial on telly in the midnight hours between fitful sleep and wakefulness.  (Go here to read about that).  This was after I expressed my desire to make more money to build my holistic private practice.

Last year I took a guitar lesson from a very nice fellow named Buzz.  He taught me a few chord based soloing techniques in our half hour together.  For a month of lessons, it would have cost me $150.  Which is not over-expensive; however, I had other adventures going on at the time that required my money at that time, so I had to let go of my desire to become a better guitarist for another time.

Enter Blues Guitar Unleashed

Well, that time came on January 10.  I was on my Yahoo! page when I noticed that Jimi Hendrix’s estate had released a new album of his material (Valleys of Neptune).  I clicked to read the news story about it when my eyes caught a link that said you can solo with just four notes!  Preposterous!  Poppycock!  And gobbledygook besides!

I was curious enough to go to the site.  I was introduced to Blues Guitar Unleashed and it’s creator, Griff Hamlin.  The story goes that he created this course with support from his students who felt that they had received such a great benefit from the course and so should others.

When I read this on the course’s sales page, I thought, I am others.  So I purchased the course (about $130), and I have been plugging away with it ever since.

Now most people define personal growth as akin to spiritual shifts.  But I define personal growth as any attitude, belief, and/or action that creates significant and powerful changes in my life; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

What this course has done for me?

1. I realised that while I am not the guitarist I want to be yet; I am not the worst guitarist in the world (as my mini-me would have me believe).
2. I am uninterested in perfection as a goal. I find trying to be perfect as frustrating as trying to count all the grains of sand on a beach.  Not to mention, being a waste of perfectly good time which I could spend doing worthwhile things like writing songs, writing for my blog, or promoting my Avon business.
3. There’s a reason why they call guitar practice a practice. It means we are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them.  If we were meant to play guitar, sing, dance, write, or live perfectly; it would be called guitar perfect, sing perfect, or writing perfect.
4. I am a success each and every day I turn up and play guitar. Whether I play well or badly, I turn up and see what happens.  And believe me, there are days when my fingers behave as if they are alien to my body.
5. Even when you love something, sometimes it just feels uncomfortable to change and grow. I love playing guitar!  I love learning new comping techniques, chords, new ways of seeing.  However, I do not like  the road nor the view from here to there.  Because that is some of the most discomforting experiences of my life.  An example, when I was learning to read music, I just could not understand how individual chords fit together.  It was rather like reading German without understanding German at all.  Eventually, I rode out the discomfort, and viola, I suddenly understood how chord progressions fit together.  After that I was able to write some songs!  The discomfort was hell!  But the result made it worth it.  Change is sometimes uncomfortable is the point.
   

Now I mention this because I have always wanted to be a better guitarist, but my inner critic wouldn’t allow it.  I had to play as well as Jimi Hendrix (I am a fan!) or I wouldn’t be allowed to play at all.

What sort of reasoning is this?  I asked myself.  How can I expect to be a better guitar player if I never allow myself the joy of mucking it up and starting again.  And mucking it up some more.  Learning some more.  And starting again!

Answer:  I can’t learn anything if I am not allowed to practice.  And practice badly sometimes.

This is how everyone grows!

Engaging the Heart

Part of the growing process for me is opening the doorways and windows of perception so I can see in new and clearer ways.  After all,  I wasn’t going to become a better guitar player as long as I held the attitude that I was just plain bad!  With that belief in operation, I couldn’t get myself to pick up a guitar without my mini-me sneering, ‘Well, you’re never going to get anywhere!  Remember the last time when….’  Such disheartening words always flattened my spirit and disengaged my heart.

As  long as my logic was the only one allowed in the creative sandbox, there was no creativity present.  Just feelings of resentment and longing that depressed me horribly.  Why do this to myself?  Why do this to yourself?

You Are Now Entering the Discomfort Zone

The best way to solve the problem was to forget about any goals of perfection.  And focus on what you can do today to be a master of conscious creation.  Today is where success is defined.  Not tomorrow!

Each and every action you take action  in the direction of  your life vision is a moment, an hour or a day that you can call yourself successful instead of waiting for that magickal day when all your cats, ducks, or what eggs queue up in a row.  Or in a basket.  Or whatever container or lack of container you would prefer to visualise.

It’s a challenge to be imperfect and turn up anyway. Whether it is to a job you love, or learning to scuba dive; you will enter the discomfort zone.  That horrible liminal period where you feel you can’t do anything right and you flop about like a mud-skipper without the mud.  And all of your attempts to get back to that safe, warm, and secure place you once knew will be thwarted by Universal forces who might have a nasty sense of humour.  That’s okay.

The point is:  I don’t expect to do things perfectly anymore.  And neither should you.  Expect to do well.  But no longer do you need to fear that extreme standards for perfection are called for in your quest to become more of the person you intend to be.  I can allow myself to appreciate the small victories scattered like gold coins on the yellow brick road we call personal growth.  Can you?

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

It’s easier to engage your heart if you allow it to speak to you every once in a while.  Logic isn’t always the best way to live your life.  Neither is avoiding discomfort.

Let’s be honest.  How many of us don’t follow our passions, do what we love because we fear discomfort for even a small period of time?  I do.  Maybe you do as well?

Living in the discomfort zone on occasion can bring great rewards.  If you’re going to follow the yellow brick road of doing what you love, periods of chaos, and mucky icky feelings will be companions.  As I have already stated: sometimes change doesn’t always feel good.  Go on anyway.  Let your heart lead this time.

As I follow the yellow brick road to becoming a better guitar player, I listen to my heart more and my head less.  After all, my head is what got me into the frustrating morass of creative constipation in the first place.

Notes from the Discomfort Zone

Learn that the best way to heal creative constipation or learn any new skill  is to do something creative.   Anything creative. Begin it, feel all the icky sticky feelings that come along for the ride. And do it badly, goodly, or in-betweenly.  But give yourself the opportunity to start.  Perfection unnecessary.  Resistance optional. Turning up a big fat yes!

So here’s the question for you: where in your life can you live in your discomfort zone?  What would be the benefits if you did?

That’s all for today.  Sorry,  no clever jokes!

Peace & Healing,

Vibelicious comments:  Be excellent to each other.

Rude, mean comments will be deleted without exception.

Related Posts:

• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Get Curious About You
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself

photo credit: Untitled blue

Nonlinear Goal Setting

Just recently, as in today, I just read a great post about Nonlinear Goal Setting.


In the past, I would set a goal in affirmative language set in the present time with a target date on it.  Like this:

I am so happy and grateful as I walk across the stage to give a key note speech at the Whole Health Expo by October 1, 2012.

Or what have you…

However, as I have learned through trial and error such a goal setting technique doesn’t work for me for long terms goals as above. Just short term goals.

The reason?  I find it difficult to sustain the feelings of excitement (that I initially feel) when I set the goal.  As a matter of fact, sometimes the feelings of excitement and enthusiasm wane, leaving me feeling as if I’m doing the process wrong.

(The New Age Gurus would claim that the goal is the wrong goal if I can’t sustain feelings of excitement about it for long periods of time.  A point of view I think is absolute bollocks! Don’t these people know anything about human beings at all!)

But, as I was saying…

This process  leads to feelings of frustration followed by the self-flagellation and recrimination cycle.  In this cycle I resolve to do better next time by “trying harder.”  Really applying myself this time.  Of course, this leads to more feelings of anger, frustration then the cycle repeats continuously.

Dreams That Come From The Heart

The challenge with linear goal setting is that it’s a left-brained logical process that doesn’t involve much creativity or intuition (which come from the hear and are nonlinear)..  It’s very outward-looking and external.  And it’s based on the beliefs that there is 1). something inherently wrong with you that needs fixing.  2). a solution to that “problem” that’s outside of you. 3). a step by step linear process that  will result in happiness and achievement.

A soul could spend years in this “mind-prison” running this way and that, chasing after this goal.  Then that goal.  Constantly changing course until you feel exhausted yet no closer to your goals.

Sometimes I felt like a donkey chasing a carrot on the end of a stick!

I put in too much effort and saw not alot of result.  All I had to show for it were feelings of frustration, shame, blame, etc.

Is there a way out?

The answer to the question is found in 1) asking yourself if the goal feels good (Does it have heart?)  When you ask this question, consider more than the end result.  Consider whether or not you enjoy the process of creating the goal and growing into the person will invariably become.

Michael Jordan loves the process of being an excellent basketball player.  This includes all the hours of practice spent shooting basket after basket.

Jimi Hendrix loved playing blues/rock guitar.  This included all the hours of practice privately and publicly spent learning chords, scales, and jamming with other musicians until he became proficient.

Yes, I know Jimi Hendrix  went off-world.  He still loved the process of becoming an excellent guitarist.

Both of the above examples and countless others I could name live the joy of their heart’s dream.  Each and every day.

These people were so in love with the process… irrespective of whatever end vision they saw in their mind’s eye.  This is what is called detachment.

So if you want to write a book for children, lose weight, climb Mount Everest, or perform your poetry in public; connect to your feelings in the moment.  Connect with already being what you intend to become right now (long before it manifests).

Always ask yourself first:  what brings me joy?

Let me share one more thing before I close:  I have followed the vision of dollars signs far too often instead of my heart.  The result?  I started and gave up on six home businesses.

Why? you might ask.

Because money wasn’t a strong enough motivator to keep me going with the process of building a business.  When you love what you do, you love the process of what you do.  Regardless of the destination.  If you get there, you can rejoice.  If you don’t, you are having too much fun to care.

Don’t we all deserve the passion, joy, and love in our lives that being in love with the process of becoming the person we envision ( with our hearts) ourselves to be?

It’s time to tap into your heart’s wisdom.  Instead of the default position many of us fall back on: asking our minds to chart and navigate our course to our heart’s desires.

Why wait one more day? Commence burning those bridges ( the old ways of goal setting)!

Let me know what bridges you are willing to burn in order to live a passionate and soulful life?  And what is a passionate and soulful life to you?

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• The Passion Test
• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now
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Connecting With Spirit

Just recently, I realised how distant from my spirit I felt.  I felt irritated, blissed out, and just plain restless.  I felt stuck and as raw as an exposed nerve.

What do I do about it I wonder?

The First Step

The first step to reconnecting with my spirit is to become more mindful of what it is I crave.  I crave laughter and fun.

Without further ado, and this is going to be a short post, here is my favourite and most inspiring movie picks.  Of course, these are in no particular order:

1. Last Holiday ~:  Georgia Byrd (Queen Latifah) finds out she has three weeks to live, and decides to live her remaining time to the fullest.

2. Beauty Shop ~ Gina (Queen Latifah) quits her stressful job as the most popular hair stylist in an upscale Atlanta salon to follow her dream of owning her own salon.

3.  The Matrix ~ Neo, a corporate drone, finds his concept of reality challenged when he connects with a band of rebels able to hack into reality ( a vast computer programme) with the intent of awakening and free the minds of those still trapped within.

4. Wanted ~ a young man living a dull mundane life devoid of purpose joins a mysterious group with superhuman powers and finds

5. Bruce Lee ~ any film starring Bruce Lee fills my heart with joy.  Some of my happiest moments are sitting with my family watching Bruce move with cat-like grace all over the screen.

What Do I Love?

All of these films challenge me to free my mind and listen to my spirit.  If I allow myself to become addicted to desiring approval, I am more likely to make choices that will violate my spirit yet please others around me.

It is easy to seek approval and forget what I love to do.  I could end up blissed out.  And one day, I could also look back on my life with bitterness and regret because I valued most the approval of others.  I lived their life instead of my life.

In fact, I read the story of a woman who had stage 4 cancer who had very little time left to live.  She was feeling regretful and wished to die with a sense of peace.  What could she do?

Her spiritual adviser suggested that she talk about what she loved, what brought her happiness, what she loved to eat, what flowers she loved, what movies she loved, what music made her spirit feel light.

Immediately, she spent her last days telling her loved ones her passions, her desires, her heart,  and her soul.  When she went off-world, she was able to do so in peace.

I decided to make that lesson, waiting for the big moment until the end has come, my lesson.

With that advice in mind, I have decided to use this post to express what I love, what inspires me, excites me, and empowers me.

Music I Love

1. Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magick ~ the 1991 Red Hot Chili Pepper Grammy Award-winning masterpiece.  Some of my favourite songs, “Suck My Kiss,” “Breaking The Girl,” and “Sir Psycho Sexxy” are on this beautiful cd.

2. Songs In The Key Of LIfe ~ Stevie Wonder’s 1976 masterpiece of such consummate beauty and soul that listening to it makes me feel up-lifted and inspired.

3. Dry ~ PJ Harvey’s brilliant debut expanded my soul so much that, to this day, I put this in my cd player to relive walking through LA’s darkened Hollywood streets while the sun dips behind the horizon, painting the sky vermilion, gold, and shades of deep blue.

4. Nevermind ~ Nirvana’s catchy punk/pop classic of timelessness.  Not one bad song on the entire cd; I can listen to the entire CD without skipping anything.  Favourite song: “Lithium.”  It’s when I listen to this song that I miss Kurt Cobain and his songwriting genius. Also, it makes me feel nostalgic for the early 90s; music was so raw, human, and visceral. Bliss!!

5. Rid Of Me ~ the second album by PJ Harvey.  Raw, loud, and vulnerable.  This album reconnects me to my feelings and my humanness.  Brilliant!

Things I Love

1. the scent of roses
2. the scent of freshly watered grass, plants, flowers
3. the scent of rain
4. reading spiritual books
5. the colour purple
6. the colour indigo
7. flowing dresses in bold and bright colours
8. the scent of nutmeg
9. baking
10.the scent of cinnamon and cloves
11. the woodsy scent of patchouli and sandalwood
12. the music of Motown, particularly the Temptations
13. time spent at the Pacific Ocean
14. early morning meditation periods
15. traveling to exotic locales like Thailand, Greece, and Ecuador
16. I love to sing rhythm and blues

These days I spend my time singing in the shower, in my bedroom, walking down the road, or wherever I find myself.  I feel such joy when I do that!

I follow my spirit by listening to music that uplifts me.  See the list above to get a better idea of what does the trick.

And when I want to laugh, I watch Family Guy or America Dad.  Laughing clears my aura and reconnects me to my spirit.  Once I am connected I feel more light, free, and hopeful.  This makes me create more.  When I am creating, I am adding joy to the world!

I know that, to some people, that may sound a tad Pollyanna-ish.  However, I choose to please myself.

Today, I choose to focus on what my spirit wants as opposed to what others may expect of me.  When I do this, I am a more compassionate, loving, and kind person.

For me, this how I express self-love.  Self-love is a practice not a destination.  Each day, I have the opportunity to show myself how much I love and value myself.  The more I do this, the more love I feel for meself; the more love I feel, the higher my self-esteem.  The higher my self esteem the more likely it is that I will do more self-loving things that bring joy to me and the world.

If this sounds good to you, give it a try.

Until the next time, Fellow Travelers!

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now
• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Gift of Anger
• the Blessing of Uniqueness