the Bend Your Reality Project

photo credit: Joel Bedford

I have always wanted to meditate.  I read many self-help books that suggest meditation as part of everyone’s spiritual practice.  However, my attempts to sit still whilst thinking nothing proved to futile.  I could no more get my mind to shut up than I could shepard a herd of cats.  Frustrated with my lack of progress, I stopped.  Until I heard of a new meditation programme that promised I could meditate like a  zen monk

Huh?  And how, exactly, was I going to do that?  I couldn’t get my mind to sit still; it was as restless as a four-year old child on a sugar high.  How was I going to achieve that impossible goal?

Enter Holosync

In late 2008, I found Holosync.  I read and read the website at least seven times before I ordered the free demo.  I was impressed enough with the demo to order the first programme in the Holosync series, Awakening Prologue.  The Holosync programme uses binural beats to slow down the brainwaves to the Alpha levels where, it’s believed, that the mind is in a more resourceful and relaxed state.  Free of the clutter and shatter of the wakening state; aka, the Beta level.

And, I’ve got to say, that I am loving it.

First of all, my busy bee of a mind can buzz all over the place without me resisting it, and I still feel myself gradually relaxing to the point that I feel my mind let go.  Brilliant!  And wicked, besides!

That was about 2 years ago, and I have progressed to the next level, Awakening Level One.  Which is also wonderful!

However, I am not writing this post as an endorsement for Holosync.  Because I believe that Holosync is not for everyone.  Any more than any other system of meditation is for everyone.

Whether you choose to work in your garden, take walks on the beach, surf in the early morning hours, or just take a walkabout round the neighbourhood.  Meditation takes as many forms as there are people populating the Earth.

Please do not feel the need to force yourself to sit in the lotus position for hours while chanting some mantra, if you don’t feel any joy at all doing it.  Meditation is supposed to be restful.  And if you are not feeling relaxed and peaceful then you are practicing a form of meditation that’s not for you.  I encourage you to cease and desist right now, if you like.  Explore and discover other form that might appeal to you more.  Transcendental Meditation, Holosync, Mindfulness meditation, or Japa meditation (a form of mantra-based mediation) are all great starting points.

You can even tool about in your garage, fixing things if it quiets your mind and lets you hear the voice of your spirit, intuition, or Inner Authority.  Or whatever you desire to call it.

The point is, that meditation has many wellness benefits that are helpful on all levels from the physical to the spiritual.

7 Reasons to Meditate

1. Decreases the negative effects of stress. In a University of Massachusetts study, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D recorded the brain waves of  employees of a Madison, Wisconsin high tech firm.  These employees were highly stressed.  The employees were split randomly into two groups with 25 of them being trained to meditate for eight weeks.  Whilst the other group of 16 were left alone as the control group.  The participants had their brains scanned three time during the experiment; in the beginning of the study, at the eight week mark (the end of the study), and four months after that.  The researchers discovered that the mediators were calmer and happier.  (Psychology Today, April 2003, Colin Allen).
2. Leads to greater physical relaxation. Did you know that when you are in a state of enhanced stress all of the blood in the body tend to flow towards the arms, legs, heart and lungs; whilst a bit less to the digestive system? This is because the body believes there is danger, and you need to run away when in danger.
3. Decreases muscle tension. A reduction in muscle tension means more blood and oxygen flow to the muscles, making them more relaxed.  And creating a happier body experiencing less pain due to muscle tightness.  And when the muscles relax so do the joints, ligaments, and bones.
   
4. Lowers heart rate. Meditation slows down the brain waves Alpha (the relaxed brain waves) from Beta (the more stress-inducing waves, depending on how high the Beta waves are).  Lower heart rates (in healthy people) can result in less adrenaline and cortisone hormones in the blood stream.  With less of these hormones in the system, you don’t over eat to medicate yourself.  Or run down your immune system.  And a lower heart rate (in healthy people) can be beneficial to the cardiovascular system; for example, an athlete in peak physical condition (such as Lance Armstrong) can have a resting heart rate of 47 beats per minute.  This is helpful because it means that the heart doesn’t have to work so hard to circulate blood, nutrients, and oxygen to the body.
   
5. Gives your immune system a boost. The immune system get repressed sometimes when we maintain overly stressful states of being for long periods of time.  This sometimes the reason why you might be prone to catch a cold more easily when you are experiencing more stress.
   
6. Produces beneficial changes in brain activity, harmonising the endocrine and nervous systems. This is because the brain switches over from the busy right frontal cortex to the calmer left frontal cortex resulting in calmer and happier brains and emotional states.  When you are relaxed and calm, your body’s systems tend to work more in harmony than in more stress-inducing states.
   
7. Increases creativity, focus, and concentration. Have you ever been fixing a car, planting in a garden, walking along the beach or your neighbourhood and noticed all the really wicked ideas that occur to you during these times?  While the mind is occupied consciously doing another activity, your subconscious mind gets a chance to come out, talk to you and play.

10 Minutes Per Day to Increased Creativity, Focus, and Concentration, etc..

As you can see, you don’t have to retreat to a Buddhist monastery and devote 30 years of your life to the solitary pursuit of enlightenment while meditating facing a bare wall.  You can just go to your garden or other sacred place (even if it’s your favourite meditation chair) and reap the benefits of meditation.

It only takes about 10 minutes per day to enjoy increased creativity, focus, and concentration.  You’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain by taking the first step.

Start right where you are.  Go out in the garden.  Go to the beach.  Get out in nature and take a walk.  Let your mind clear.  And I’ll see you right back here to tell me what you got out of meditating.

Let me know about your meditating experiences in the comments.

Vibelicious comments: Be excellent to each other.  Only kind and respectful comments are welcome.

Related Posts:

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• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
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photo credit: seanmcgrath

As I was riding the bus this morning, lost in thought, I suddenly remembered a picture I had seen once called Snake Eyes (with Nicolas Cage); it’s the oft-told story of a corrupt cop who has a change of heart once he becomes entangled in a conspiracy to commit murder.

I was reminded that, at the end of the film, Cage’s character’s life into ruin despite the fact that he had chosen to do the right thing.

The correlation I made to my own spiritual journey through life was that, more often than not, when we change even a little bit of ourselves our lives usually will look like a mess to us and to everyone around us.

It’s virtually impossible to keep your reality the same while changing yourself. I have made hundreds of futile attempts to do so. All of them have been in vain. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reach for new possibilities and hold on to what we have for dear life.

So what can we do?

Surrender.

I define surrender as remaining present with your feelings and emotions in the present.  Right where you are now.  It is a process, not a destination.  It’s allowing what going on inside you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to okay without the need to judge whether your feelings, thoughts, actions are socially appropriate to others.

Is this easy?  Of course not.  Surrendering to the present isn’t easy at all.  Each and every day I choose to work on it.  I never surrender perfectly (if such a thing is possible).  And that isn’t important anyway.

What is important is allowing yourself to feel what you feel in the moment regardless of whether or not you, or others around you, like it.

Once you are able to be where you are when you are, you open yourself up to becoming more mindful; with mindfulness comes the ability to let go of things that no longer work, and move forwards towards things that are good for you.

Here are a few tips for surrendering to the now:

1). Get out in to nature. Being able to opt-out of your current reality for even a few minutes a day could help you de-stress enough to think more clearly.

2). Have fun. Every once in a while, step off the treadmill that is reality, and have some fun.  See a funny film.  Have a giggle with friends.  Do something you enjoy for at least ten minutes a day.

3). Be with people you love. If you are going to spend eight hours plus a day with people you really have no connection with, it’s important to balance that with time spent with people you do have a connection with.

4). Don’t take reality or yourself so seriously. This is a difficult one to do consistently.  I admit that I have challenges with this.  Sometimes I am just too angry or hurt to laugh.  Or sometimes I find myself buying into the illusion that I am a helpless victim of life, and must accept what little I get and be grateful for it.  Such perceptions can be grim indeed.  But remembering that nothing is permanent in this world keeps me from sinking into a morass of self-pity.

With the suggestions above, I can go with the flow more.  Be open.  And allow the Creative Force and time to work with me and for me.  Instead of against me.  I have the freedom to surrender, knowing that tomorrow brings with it the opportunity for new choices, new possibilities that did not exist before.  That is something that both and inspires and motivates me to keep trudging forward even when things appear bleak or scary.

How about you?

What changes have you resisted?  And what occurred when you allowed yourself to surrender and “go with the flow?” How do your reality change afterward?

Feel free to share your insights.

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

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photo credit: Hamed Saber

Nice, easy to get along with, and politically correct of some of the phrases are some of the ways we try to polish off our crazy, wild, fragile edges in favour of something more socially acceptable to others.

Unfortunately, we don’t know, or forget, that the very things others don’t like about us are the seeds of our genius. It’s what makes us who we are.

Personally, I feel that being socially acceptable isn’t any fun. It’s hard denying who you are in favour of some facsimile. Ever tried to stop doing something that annoys someone else but that you love to do in order to keep the infamous peace?

I do. And my attempts usually ran out of mojo faster than it takes a Concorde to cross the Atlantic.

Sideways:

I love to talk. I love conversation. Throughout my life, I have always had people, who thought they meant well, informing me that I talk far too much for them. Of course, I would feel bad after this constructive criticism; and I would do my best to talk less. Naturally, this didn’t last long.

Why?

Because verbal communication was very important to me at that time. I don’t know of any other way to communicate my needs, wants, and expectations in my relationship with others without speech being involved. Interpretive dance just doesn’t work for me!

Full-tilt:

Everyone has shared their opinion about who are, what you’re good at, and what you’re not good at. These well-meaning people, whom include your family, friends, teachers, counselors, and colleges, have conditioned you to believe that they have a better idea of who you are and what you’re capable of. This is done through the grading system in schools; the three month evaluation period in most jobs. We have come to believe, that maybe others know us better than we do. That their external view of us is more accurate than our inside view.

Here’s the riff:

It isn’t. Denying all the less attractive aspects of ourselves in favour of the more attractive isn’t the answer. All that occurs is the nagging sense that you are driving in circles. You may start feeling resentful, put upon without knowing why.

Having a shadow side isn’t a bad thing, fellow travelers.  As a matter of fact, embracing your dark side is key to your genius. Your dark side is the centre of your contradictions.

How? you may ask.

First of all, if you are an enthusiastic person, your enthusiasm could be a blessing in one situation, and a curse in another.  Example, your enthusiastic side could be useful when leading a creative team and keeping them motivated; it’s a curse if your enthusiasm leads you to interrupt people when they are talking.

Same trait.  Different circumstances.

It’s time to start looking ourselves wholistically (yes, I changed the spelling of the word).  Instead of focusing on our positive aspects to the exclusion of all other parts of ourselves, it’s wise to look at the whole.

Another example:

The trait of stubbornness is often considered to be negative.  However, in certain circumstances, it can be a good thing.  Perseverance is linked to stubbornness.  It requires you to keeping moving forward in the face of (sometimes) overwhelming odds; it focuses your attention on the outcome or the short-term tasks at hand even when conventional wisdom contradicts what you know in your heart.

Need a more discriptive example?

Let’s say that you have decided to change careers.  You have a good job paying you very well with benefits.  You have all of the trappings of success (the cars, the home, the abundant bank account), but you feel that something is missing.  So, after some soul searching, you decide to go back to school to become an acupuncturist.  All of your friends and family think you’re insane and they tell you so.  But you choose to follow your heart, go back to school, get your degree, and open your own private practice.

You persevered, and yet you stubbornly chose to ignore what others told you in favour of what your spirit has told you.  In this case, to create your vision, you needed to embrace a socially acceptable hidden and disowned part of yourself to motivate yourself into action.

This holds true for alot of so-called “negative” traits.

This can be a challenge at first if you are in the habit of denying these shadow parts of yourself.  If you choose to work past your initial discomfort, you will find yourself experiencing a freedom, an awareness, you wouldn’t have discovered had you not been courageous enough to explore  the wild, the crazy, the icky within you.

What wild, crazy, icky parts have you hidden? And how have they provided new possibilities for you?

Look deeper.  You might be surprised at what you find.

Let me know what you discover in the comments.

Peace & Healing All

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photo credit: cordeman

In the New Age community, much has been made of the ability to turn negative emotions like anger into more positive emotions.  The point of this exercise is to make us more magnetic to what we really want so we stop attracting and manifesting negative experiences.

I was once a Law of Attraction believer.  I believed if I were to feel only positive feelings and thought positive thoughts then I would avoid all of the chaos and oops situations in my life.  After all, everyone knows if you just avoid negative feelings you will have positive experiences.

All this did for me was create feelings of guilt which led me to try harder to think and feel positive; this led me to feel frustrated which led to more feelings of guilt.  And finally to anger.  It was a never-ending vicious cycle.

Let me tell you a story to illustrate my point.

I have had a strained relationship with my mum since I was a teenager.  We are not close.  The reason being that I had alot of feelings of resentment towards her; anger towards myself for not living up to my high expectations that I could just forgive and then forget the poor choices she made in my childhood that put me and my siblings in danger; all this was done for the sake of her own personal gain.  As I said, I had a wellspring of resentment built up because I spent years denying the fact that I was angry.

Why?

Because I felt like a bad person; I believed that I had no right to be angry with her because she’s my mum.  I guess I thought it was wrong to be angry at your mum.

As long as I denied my anger, and believed I had no right to my feelings; the more resentful I became.  Then one day I met a rather indifferent psychiatrist who told me that feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just are.  Just like that.

It started me thinking.  It wasn’t wrong to feel anger towards my mum at all.  It was wrong to pretend I wasn’t feeling what I was feeling.  Once I admited that, yes, I am angry at her; and, yes I my anger is justified.  I allowed myself the gift of embracing my feelings and healing simultaneously.

The point is this: not all anger is self-destructive.  Sometimes anger is an indicator that can lead to growth and healing.  If you’re willing to face your anger head on, be present with it by admitting it to yourself; then working through it with a therapist or with physical activity like hitting a pillow, screaming, kickboxing or whatever, you may experience a period that feels like a walk through total darkness but you will come out of the dark a more compassionate and whole person.

The world could use more compassionate and whole people.

So…

Are you harbouring any anger within you?  At whom or what?

Now that you have this information, allow yourself to feel the tsunami of emotion completely.  Do what you need to do to make it easier on yourself.  Scream, punch a pillow, go running, for example.  Admit that you’re angry.

Go ahead; I’ll wait.

Okay.  Feel better?

Here’s a little dewdrop of wisdom I’ve learned in my self-actualisation journey: The world won’t end because you’ve gotten upset.  Trust me.  I have gotten angry many times with people and situations, and the world is still here today. I believe you will have a similar experience.

Anger is only toxic or poisonous when it is allowed to fester for too long.  The key is to admit you’re angry,  feel your anger, express it, move it out of you by moving your body.

Is this always easy?  No, it’s can be challenging sometimes.  But when you follow or adapt the journey mentioned, you have an excellent chance of experiencing the healing that its a natural outcome.

Everyone deserves healing.  Don’t you?

What I want you to keep in mind: being angry is okay.  Holding it in or denying it isn’t.  And  anger can  clear the path to wisdom and clarity.  Who couldn’t use more those?

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

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photo credit: inottawa

It occurred to me yesterday after reading a particularly powerful post by Danielle LaPorte at WhiteHotTruth.com (read it here), that I have always been ashamed by how I want to feel about my visions.  I have mucked-up many a wonderful vision with self destructive stories.  Problem was, I believed these stories.

Okay. Pause.

Here’s a story. Yay!

I am a musician, and my greatest dream was to be a rock star with the tour buses, adoring fans, number one songs, the works.  I want fame and fortune.  And I wanted them larger than life.

Why?

Beacause I wanted to feel special.  Celebrities are treated special; they get gifts when they go to the oscars; people queue up ten deep to take their picture; people ask for the autograph; others hang on to their every word.

My first mistake was reading the new age books that implied that wanting to feel special or be treated special meant that I was an unevolved lemming who obviously doesn’t know what’s truly important.  What’s important is that we are all the same on a spiritual level (sayeth the New Age gurus); and, therefore, we should all strive to be equal (the same) on this plane of existence, too. Anyone who sees themselves as special is clearly a negative influence and should be stoned (okay, I’m making up the last part) for furthering the illusion of isolation and separation.

Whew!

So who wants to be a bad person?  Not me!

Back to the present.  Here’s the fire starting questions that began my current healing journey.

Is it wrong to feel a certain way?  If so, says who?  More to the point, how can I begin to be okay with wanting to feel a certain way and see where that takes me?

Is it wrong to want to feel special? I ask myself.  A better question would be: what would make me feel special?

First of all, when I answer that question, what comes to mind is that 1). people who listen to me because I am an expert, 2). I would be centre stage at events and workshops, 3). I’d be paid very well by clients who value what I do, 4). I’d also have the freedom to do what I love without compromise or apology.

I’m tired of feeling guilty for wanting to feel a certain way.  I want to give myself the freedom to embrace these so-called guilty feelings and desires to see where they lead.  I’ve tried the alternative, and it doesn’t work for me.  It may not be easy to follow this path with heart.  However, I know that if I continue on I can expect to heal, expand, and grow.  Perhaps there is a divine reason.

I’m ready.  How about you?

Peace & Healing, fellow travelers!

Related Posts:

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• the Gift of Anger
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photo credit: _DreadBoy‘

Your soul is an all-inclusive package – frills, foibles, and contradictions. It’s your opposing parts that leverage your magnificence into full force. ‘ ~Danielle LaPorte ~

Not too long ago I foolishly asked a friend of mine to tell me my foibles.  She did.  And I didn’t like what I heard, because, in her eyes, my foibles were not wonderful, dear, or wowerful; they were irritating and annoying.  This led to a long conversation that went nowhere and solves nothing.

She listed as a so-called foible my tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve;  i.e., when I am upset, angry, sad or whatever, I tell people around me and I show my feelings, too.  This is a natural reaction, I might add.  But it’s a problem for her because she is a card-carrying member of the Positivity Cult.  The motto of this cult is to avoid anything that it labels as negative.  This could be anything; for example, expressing sadness at the loss of a romantic relationship.

I don’t happen to believe that expressing emotions like anger or sadness is negative at all.  And I take exception to those people out there who have decided that the only world worth living in is a world where everyone walks around with happy smiles pasted on their faces (whether or not this is the truth on the inside or not).  I believe that sadness is appropriate if your grandmother has just gone off-world (passed away, passed on, etc.).

‘Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes.’
- Walt Whitman

After that conversation, I became convinced that we are a beautiful mess of contradictions.  Inside of me lives a staunch intellectual, a rock ‘n’ roll tomboy, a sensitive poet, an adventurer, a wanderer, a musician, a faerie goddess,  an urban Bodhisattva, a Nefertiti archetype.  All of these contradictions are sometimes in harmony with each other, and, at other times, in conflict with each other.

Why?

Because each aspect of me has it’s own desires, hopes, expectations, and dreams.  Some of these will be in harmony with my spirit, while others will out of sync.

Until recently, I fought an ongoing war with all my selves, and got nowhere.  Now I know better.  It’s okay to have all of these parts of me.  They contribute to the wild juiciness that is me.  None of them are right or wrong.  More me or less me.

However, some of them are less in harmony with my spirit and  who I want to be.

The important thing to remember is this:  there is no need to apologise for being who you are.  More than accepting who you are, these other parts of you carry within them gifts, talents, and strengths that could be of use to you.  They are wonderful resources, but first you have to embrace them, be okay with them, and then celebrate them.

I invite all fellow travelers to opportunity to practice a day or an hour of un-apology.

What is un-apology?

Stop apologising for who you are.  It’s true that people aren’t going to like you all the time.  As a matter of fact, they might get angry at you for not changing to win their approval.

And that’s okay. Everyone doesn’t have to like you all the time.  Be at peace with that and give yourself and your loved ones the gift of seeing and being with the real you.  Not some facsimile created to hide the truth.

It’s a blessing to be unique.  Enjoy the blessing!

Dig the vibe, fellow travelers.

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Connecting With Spirit

Just recently, I realised how distant from my spirit I felt.  I felt irritated, blissed out, and just plain restless.  I felt stuck and as raw as an exposed nerve.

What do I do about it I wonder?

The First Step

The first step to reconnecting with my spirit is to become more mindful of what it is I crave.  I crave laughter and fun.

Without further ado, and this is going to be a short post, here is my favourite and most inspiring movie picks.  Of course, these are in no particular order:

1. Last Holiday ~:  Georgia Byrd (Queen Latifah) finds out she has three weeks to live, and decides to live her remaining time to the fullest.

2. Beauty Shop ~ Gina (Queen Latifah) quits her stressful job as the most popular hair stylist in an upscale Atlanta salon to follow her dream of owning her own salon.

3.  The Matrix ~ Neo, a corporate drone, finds his concept of reality challenged when he connects with a band of rebels able to hack into reality ( a vast computer programme) with the intent of awakening and free the minds of those still trapped within.

4. Wanted ~ a young man living a dull mundane life devoid of purpose joins a mysterious group with superhuman powers and finds

5. Bruce Lee ~ any film starring Bruce Lee fills my heart with joy.  Some of my happiest moments are sitting with my family watching Bruce move with cat-like grace all over the screen.

What Do I Love?

All of these films challenge me to free my mind and listen to my spirit.  If I allow myself to become addicted to desiring approval, I am more likely to make choices that will violate my spirit yet please others around me.

It is easy to seek approval and forget what I love to do.  I could end up blissed out.  And one day, I could also look back on my life with bitterness and regret because I valued most the approval of others.  I lived their life instead of my life.

In fact, I read the story of a woman who had stage 4 cancer who had very little time left to live.  She was feeling regretful and wished to die with a sense of peace.  What could she do?

Her spiritual adviser suggested that she talk about what she loved, what brought her happiness, what she loved to eat, what flowers she loved, what movies she loved, what music made her spirit feel light.

Immediately, she spent her last days telling her loved ones her passions, her desires, her heart,  and her soul.  When she went off-world, she was able to do so in peace.

I decided to make that lesson, waiting for the big moment until the end has come, my lesson.

With that advice in mind, I have decided to use this post to express what I love, what inspires me, excites me, and empowers me.

Music I Love

1. Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magick ~ the 1991 Red Hot Chili Pepper Grammy Award-winning masterpiece.  Some of my favourite songs, “Suck My Kiss,” “Breaking The Girl,” and “Sir Psycho Sexxy” are on this beautiful cd.

2. Songs In The Key Of LIfe ~ Stevie Wonder’s 1976 masterpiece of such consummate beauty and soul that listening to it makes me feel up-lifted and inspired.

3. Dry ~ PJ Harvey’s brilliant debut expanded my soul so much that, to this day, I put this in my cd player to relive walking through LA’s darkened Hollywood streets while the sun dips behind the horizon, painting the sky vermilion, gold, and shades of deep blue.

4. Nevermind ~ Nirvana’s catchy punk/pop classic of timelessness.  Not one bad song on the entire cd; I can listen to the entire CD without skipping anything.  Favourite song: “Lithium.”  It’s when I listen to this song that I miss Kurt Cobain and his songwriting genius. Also, it makes me feel nostalgic for the early 90s; music was so raw, human, and visceral. Bliss!!

5. Rid Of Me ~ the second album by PJ Harvey.  Raw, loud, and vulnerable.  This album reconnects me to my feelings and my humanness.  Brilliant!

Things I Love

1. the scent of roses
2. the scent of freshly watered grass, plants, flowers
3. the scent of rain
4. reading spiritual books
5. the colour purple
6. the colour indigo
7. flowing dresses in bold and bright colours
8. the scent of nutmeg
9. baking
10.the scent of cinnamon and cloves
11. the woodsy scent of patchouli and sandalwood
12. the music of Motown, particularly the Temptations
13. time spent at the Pacific Ocean
14. early morning meditation periods
15. traveling to exotic locales like Thailand, Greece, and Ecuador
16. I love to sing rhythm and blues

These days I spend my time singing in the shower, in my bedroom, walking down the road, or wherever I find myself.  I feel such joy when I do that!

I follow my spirit by listening to music that uplifts me.  See the list above to get a better idea of what does the trick.

And when I want to laugh, I watch Family Guy or America Dad.  Laughing clears my aura and reconnects me to my spirit.  Once I am connected I feel more light, free, and hopeful.  This makes me create more.  When I am creating, I am adding joy to the world!

I know that, to some people, that may sound a tad Pollyanna-ish.  However, I choose to please myself.

Today, I choose to focus on what my spirit wants as opposed to what others may expect of me.  When I do this, I am a more compassionate, loving, and kind person.

For me, this how I express self-love.  Self-love is a practice not a destination.  Each day, I have the opportunity to show myself how much I love and value myself.  The more I do this, the more love I feel for meself; the more love I feel, the higher my self-esteem.  The higher my self esteem the more likely it is that I will do more self-loving things that bring joy to me and the world.

If this sounds good to you, give it a try.

Until the next time, Fellow Travelers!

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• 7 Reasons to Start Meditating Now
• Engage Your Heart ~ Live In Your Discomfort Zone
• Embracing Your Shadow Self
• the Gift of Anger
• the Blessing of Uniqueness

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

So today I thought I would pontificate on being yourself, and why there’s a wacky, wild, and weird magick in that.

Now I used to think the way to happiness was to allow other people to give constructive criticism and then twist myself into lovely little knots attempting to be all things to all people.  Then one day I realised that was “for the pigeons.”  People have all sorts of issues that they will happily project onto you without a single thought to the contrary.  I once encountered a guy (sadly, I dated him!) who saw me as a cold, narrow-minded person.  I thought this was hilarious coming from a guy who couldn’t spell narrow-minded let alone cold.

The guy was a never ending source of comedic material that I laugh out loud about to this day.  I digress, however.  What I was going to say was being your adorable little freaky self is where it is at, fellow travelers.  Haven’t we all tried to be what others wanted, hoped for, expected?  Only to have the same people find fault with the ‘us’ we created at their request.

The reason for this is this.  People do not respect people whom they can twist like a bendable straw on a whim.  People do not appreciate the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years spent creating a self that they would love.  Not only will they not thank you for listening to their well-meaning advice on how to eradicate all of your quirks, faults, and foibles; they will look at you askance as if you had grown a second head, a third eye, and two more arms.

Is this you?

Creative, wonderful, wanderer who can’t stand working 9 to 5 in an office as the “tea girl?”  (It’s an English thing. Bear with me.)  Would rather travel the world, learning new languages, and letting your heart decide your next adventure?

And then you told this to your mother, best friend, and your great aunt all in one week. Next thing you know, you are sitting in a cubicle and five years have passed since you last had a conversation with your soul.

Yeah, but… I have bills to pay, etc.* (pontificate further, o great one, on the yeah buts, please…)

Yes, I understand that.  I am not that far removed from the concept of working for a living.  But I prefer my time to more soulfully spent.  I hate suits, underwear, living by a clock, and getting up early.  All the things necessary to succeed in the corporate world.  I should know, fellow travelers.  I have tried to fit into the traditional path.  But, like Cinderella’s two step-sisters, the glass slipper did not fit.  I was a dismal failure.

I tried working a job with Social Security, but my first day inside under fluorescent lighting, watching the clock creep ever slowly towards five o’clock I had an epiphany.  It was this:  I hate work! To say this was torture is cruel slur to torture itself.  I couldn’t wait to get out of there! When I told my mother I was quitting, I am certain she saw all of her dreams of receiving a bi- weekly stipend while she acted like a hausfrau (she did not have a husband) go up in flames.

“Are you mad?” she sniffed.

Oh, yes.  Yes, completely.  After that, I watched tv, slept, and collected the dole.  Did I mention I was also on psychotropic drugs?  NO!  Well, I was.  And this is what happened to me when my lift (elevator) hit the ground.  By this I mean, when I refused to let myself be its own freaky self, I ended up on meds just to live a life of quiet desperation.

Eventually, I got saved.  A little voice in my head (No, not a psychotic voice!) suggested I move to California (the home of my cosmic brothers, the Red Hot Chili Peppers).  Natch, my family thought I was nuts!  Nothing new.

My grandmum asked, “How will we get your body back if you die?”  She was concerned that I might die in riot or an earthquake. (Really, Gran?)

My mother asked,  “What about your dole cheque?”

Seriously, mum?  I thought.  Okay, I think it has been established that I have your typical mum issues.  Moving on.

My sister wanted to know why I was giving away my cherished possessions without batting an eye.  I need the money, sister dear.

After everyone weighed in.  I felt unsupported, shell-shocked and alone.  I tried to get support from my grandmum, but she laughed in my face when she saw me crying.  (Yet, I’m considered the crazy one!) Seriously, gran?

I wish I were joking about all of this.  However, a part of me being me is the fact that I come from a family only slightly less barmy (English thing again.  Means a bit crazy, nuts, bananas,  complete fruit loops, etc) than the Addams Family.

If you can’t guess, I moved to California faster than it takes the Concorde to cross the Pond.  In Cali, I became the divine, holy fool, blessed freak I was meant to be all along.  A fairie-loving, angel channeling, cowboy hat wearing, urban mystic faerie goddess who adores the colour purple.  A rainbow girl finally in RainbowLand.

And you know what?  I like myself much better now.  I let things go. By this I mean, I stopped grokking with the so-called real world.  I changed my name, address myself in the third person, and stepped into the wild fullness of being the me I choose to be.  And, I must say, it is magickal.  I can’t wait to read the next chapter in my life.  I really don’t know who I am gonna turn up as next.  The third person speaking nut job who doesn’t over-identify with her mind.  The recovering New Ager turned sorcerer.  The Urban Mystic writer, masquerading as a cosmic clown.  Who knows?  That’s the fun part, fellow travelers.  Not knowing which me I’m gonna meet today, tomorrow.

Natch, I get the occasional person who feels it is their duty to inform me of some character flaw I have.  Something like, “You sure do talk alot.”  The subtext being that they don’t like it, and would rather I practiced being a mute.  Or live my life in pantomime.  Or whatever the hell it is they think I should do.  Unsolicited constructive criticism?  Who the f*** cares?

Here’s the thing.  I talk with a purpose.  I tell stories to help guide people to their own inner wisdom.  I listen, too.  I nod my head a lot.

I’d like to leave you with this little raindrop of weirdness, fellow travelers: fly your pirate colours!  Fly your freak flag high!

Like wearing rainbow coloured socks while walking in the rain.  Great!  Do that!  And don’t let anyone else talk you out of it.  Even if they whisper, “Everyone will think you’re mad.”  Let the world think you’re mad.

FYI:  most people in the world aren’t even interested in what you wear, eat, or that you exist.  Only a small amount of people in the world give a toss about your personal choices.  And that is because they have a lot invested in you following their rules and validating their choices.

I implore you to introduce your mind to the concept that it is possible to live in this world while being yourself, and, more importantly, others of a like mind will be attracted to you.  But you have to be flying your colours first.  That’s the first step.

Here’s an action step, my fellow travelers. It begins with a question like all good hero’s journeys.  Riddle me this:  what can you do to fly your freak flag today?

Answer the question, and take action.

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• How Our Stories Create Our Realities
• the Gift of Anger
• the Blessing of Uniqueness
• The Passion Test
• On Taking the Red Pill

photo credit: piermario

Just recently I awoke to the realisation that I am not the person I thought I was.  I was told by my FOO ( Family Of Origin) that I did not like children ( I was thirteen at the time);  I was hardly warm and fuzzy (in fact, I was an introverted loner who lived through books, did not get kissed, and never even had a boyfriend).  For years, I accepted this as the who that I was.  Never questioned it.  Then one day I am in Shiatsu class when I suddenly realise that not one of my classmates would describe me as an introvert. That was the beginning of me questioning who I really am.

Not that I ask that question every day.  But I have made a point of asking.  At this moment the answer would be different from, say, tomorrow’s moment.  Today, I would say that I don’t think I am really anything.  I think I am an ever-changing being that has no real adjective.  Just because the person that I am has no adjectives does not mean that I don’t have a particular preference for certain word descriptions.  For example, if I were to describe myself to someone else I would say I am a “creative, peace–loving free-spirited urban mystic.”  But I don’t believe that is the sum and grand total of who I am.  Just a preferred description.

But I digress.

A couple of days ago, I contemplated that stories that I have often heard my family repeat.  Here’s at least two of them.

When I was a baby, my grandmother used to give me baths.  She just loved my baby soft skin, and jet black baby fine hair.  One day, she decided to wash my hair with this home remedy her mother used to wash her hair with.  After she washed my hair with it, the story goes, my hair went wild and kinkly (Yeah, you read it right.  Kinkly!  I am making up new words now)  ever after.  My mother seemed to make a point of sharing this story with me whenever she combed, brushed or otherwise styled my hair.  The point being that, while everyone else in the family had “nice, good hair”, I had wild, kinkly, barbed wire hair.

This story was very hurtful and did alot to harm my self esteem.  In fact, up until recently, I repeated the story to myself habitually.  What happened recently?  I am so glad you asked,  fellow traveler.

I was sitting at my computer contemplating the nature of reality (yep, that sounds good!) when it suddenly occurred to me that the so-called “home remedy” my grandmother used to wash my hair had stripped away all the natural oils in my hair, drying it out.

Do you know the impact this had on my belief system and self-esteem?

Well, let me tell you!

I went from believing that there was something fundamentally wrong with me to there’s nothing wrong with me in a matter of nano seconds.  I went from believing a story that was no more true than the fact that I might have green hair, and green hair is bad.

Bbbbut wait!  There’s more!

Not only did I rewrite that self-esteem busting belief;  it had a cascade effect.  It caused me to examine and rewrite other beliefs that relied upon the above belief as a foundation.

Can you say revelation, fellow travelers?   It was one of the early building blocks in what I now know as self-esteem.  But I would not learn that until much later.

I spent too much time trying to get the wrong people to like me.  What do I mean by that?  How do I explain that?  Hmmm.

Let me say this.  A great deal of my life has been spent hearing harsh criticisms and judgments about my physical appearance, personality, and general character.  These assessments were done by friends, family, peers, and, in general, anyone who assumed they possessed a personal connection to me by virtue of the fact the we shared space and breathed the same air the same time.  Such criticism and judgments include:

• you’re too skinny
• your hair is too kinky
• you talk too much
• you are so negative
• you are not very warm or friendly
• your arms and legs are so skinny, they look like kermit the frog’s
• you are so lazy
• why can’t you be like so and so…
• your feet are so big (this coming from my mother whose size nine feet are bigger than mine; she liked to call my feet “clodhoppers”
• and many more

Here’s what I realise now: all these people who found fault with me were not my “right people.”  My “right people” find me perfectly delightful.  In fact, they love me just as I am.  They would not change a thing.  If I want to change something, they are cool with that.  But change is not a prerequisite when it comes to our relationship.  When I realised this, I mourned all the years spent taking people’s criticism at face value.  I mourned the innocent me that listened to them and then attempted to twist myself into a pretzel to conform to their ideas of what is likeable and loveable.

Let me give you an example of this.  I love to talk.  Now I don’t love to talk for the sake of talking.  I talk with a purpose.  And the purpose is this:  I like to discuss ideas and inspirations with, learn from, and teach others.  Particularly in the realm of inner growth, metaphysics, and quantum physics.  I love to share mind-expanding, soul-enriching ideas with people.  Odd that I never thought about this before, but, yes, I have no interest in talking about me, me, me.  For years and years, the way people told it, I was a never-ending word vominator.  I just talked, talked, talked without ceasing.  (People just don’t listen.  And they don’t listen when they would rather you shut your gob so they can open theirs.)

Now based on this new insight, I can now look at the story that “I talk too much” with new eyes.  I can begin the process of rewriting a new core belief that says, “I talk with a purpose.  I am passionate about sharing and learning new ideas from and with people.”  See?  In one short leap I go from self-centred blabbermouth to active-listening speaker with a purpose.  And this new thought, fellow travelers,  inspires divine ideas like, “Talking is a passion for me.  Why don’t I use this gift to help others?”  So now I am attending Toastmasters with the intention of becoming a public speaker/workshop leader extraordinaire.

You’re wondering what “right people” are, right?  I didn’t forget.  “Right people” are the people who resonate and vibrate in harmony with you.  For example, if you are a person who loves monster trucks, your “right people” are other monster truck-loving people.  Anyone who thinks monster trucks are for morons, not your “right people”, okay?  (Don’t give me credit for this idea; I learned it from Havi Brooks at the fluent self dot com.)  What I want for everyone is to have the joy of finding and “hangin’ out with” their “right people.”  Spending time with the wrong people is soul-destroying and boring.  And who wants that?

Oh, dear.  I believe have gone on a bit long, haven’t I?  Well, anyway.  As you can see, core beliefs are the stuff we make ourselves out of.  Not just our reality, but ourselves.  If you do not like the stuff you are made of, you are in charge of changing the material (ie, the story) you are telling yourself and the world.  Once the story changes, reality is not far behind.  And the world is one step closer to healing.

Got that?  Good!   The world is waiting for you.  The world needs your help.

Oh, and always, let your freak flag fly, people!

Peace & Healing All

Related Posts:

• the Wacky Magickal Power Of Being Yourself
• 5 Creative Things for the New Year
• Get Curious About You
• the Gift of Anger
• Embracing Your Shadow Self